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T.I. Is Shedding Light On Disadvantages Of Marriage For Men, But What's Really In It For Us?

Culture & Entertainment

Marriage in the 21st century is an interesting concept. While some couples choose alternative routes to relationships like polyamory, others are in favor of dissolving the age-old tradition altogether. A quote from a 2015 Fox News piece began circulating around the internet recently, prompting a number of users to share their own views on love and marriage. The post claimed that the reason most men have issues with commitment is because marriage offers no advantage to men. The post read:

"Because there's nothing in it for them: What exactly does marriage offer men today? 'Men know there's a good chance they'll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and — if it all goes wrong — their family,' says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of 'Men on Strike.' 'They don't want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over. Men aren't wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment-phobes. They're being smart.'"

The post even caught the attention of celebrities, including rapper and reality TV star, T.I., who reposted the quote with the following caption:

"Just found some info out there from @nay6ah60d_neal I thought I'd share… and mind you, I DIDNT WRITE THIS,A WOMAN DID…. but I do agree to a degree. I've heard it,& seen this a million times over. Note to women: Happiness needs no validation….The Ego does. Most women out there nowadays just wanna be married to impress they friends,family (his side pieces) and fit into society's standards. THATS NOT LOVE!!! That's how you end up stuck with someone YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED!!!! No matter what… Whatever you do…
Do what you do to make YOU HAPPY!!! -The End"

His thoughts triggered a variety of responses internet-wide that both supported and refuted his claim.

His response proves that we as women need to evaluate our beliefs as they relate to love and millennial dating. I may be cynical, but it seems that the general synopsis toward marriage among people is that they lose more than they gain after establishing a union for a lifetime with their partner.

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According to Helen Smith's thesis, a man's life changes as it pertains to finances, friendship, and sex, after marriage. But doesn't a woman's life also change in those same ways? Other than a title and romantic security, what advantage does marriage really have to either party?

Think about the reasoning behind bachelor/bachelorette parties. We use those times as one last night to mourn the glamorous single life and what it meant to us before we head into a dreaded life of monotonous monogamy. But it doesn't have to be that way.

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Our mothers and grandmothers were raised to believe that marriage was a form of validation. In a time where the primary breadwinner was the man in the relationship, that union was essential to a woman developing a successful life and building a family. But millennial women are on some new sh*t. We can be ballers, have babies, and leave legacies all without the help of men, leaving millennial women to wonder exactly what's in it for them when it comes to marriage after everything that they're forced to give up.

This idea of give and take in this conversation is interesting to me, because from my standpoint as a 25-year-old unmarried black woman, love is supposed to be about sacrifice, not what one loses or gains after solidifying a commitment.

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The traditional idea that love is a prison, where upon entering you are forced into giving up everything you hold near to you, is outdated. We as women are no longer rushed into marriage due to untimely pregnancies or financial woes. We have the choice to spend our lives with whoever we choose, so it's important that we redefine our expectations of an ideal union and choose wisely.

Women prove every day that the concept of marriage is no longer equal to success or validation, so the only thing to keep in mind when you make that choice is your own happiness.

Featured image by Giphy

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In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.

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Beautiful Soul Episode 4

This post is in partnership with Ulta Beauty.

"I'm a better mother, I'm a better wife, and I'm a better boss, because I take care of myself."

This is just one of the many gems our girl Mattie James dropped in the latest episode of "Beautiful Soul," hosted by xoNecole founder Necole Kane. Mattie is a lifestyle blogger and mother of three who has grown a loyal following from her relatable lifestyle, fashion, and beauty content. This digital maven takes to Instagram each day to lift the veil of her everyday life. We get to see her approach to juggling motherhood with business, daily fashion inspo, and keeping it real about those moments when the juggle gets real. Above all else, Mattie is committed to making self-care a non-negotiable practice in her life,

In this "get un-ready with me" Mattie shows us how she takes off the day. First, she removes her makeup very meticulously with the help us a few oil-eliminating products that she swears by. Then, she gets down and dirty for a deep cleanse, followed by a layering of her favorite serums and moisturizers. Our favorite tip from Mattie? Use your ring finger to apply your eye creams, since it's the lightest finger and the best to use for this delicate area of the skin. Genius!

As Mattie can attest, self-care isn't just about surface-level treats like getting a manicure and soaking in bubble baths. It's about making that "me-tine" a priority and a non-negotiable practice. It's also about setting the right boundaries so that you don't stretch yourself too thin. "Boundaries are like lanes on a highway," she explains. "You have to switch your lanes, but there's shoulders on the road for a reason. You can drive on a shoulder if you want, but it'll cause wear and tear on your car. So you can do things outside your boundaries, but you'll wear yourself out. You have to be honest with yourself."

In the midst of raising three young children, running her personal brand, and maintaining a household, Mattie is diligent about putting self-care dates into her planning just like she would a meeting. That includes therapy appointments, massages, or even quiet time to do absolutely nothing. These are essential wellness tactics that all serve her so that she can better serve others.

Watch as Necole and Mattie get un-ready (and real) in the tutorial above.

Scroll through the gallery below to shop Mattie's nighttime skincare products from Ulta.

Mattie's Skincare Faves

The Cult Classic Purifying Face Cleanser

The Cult Classic Purifying Face Cleanser

A TULA essential, this purifying Gel-Based Cleanser removes dirt, impurities & makeup without stripping or over-drying.

Tula
$28

Take The Day Off Cleansing Balm

Take Off The Day Cleansing Balm Makeup Remover

Clinique Take The Day Off Cleansing Balm is a silky, lightweight makeup remover that quickly dissolves tenacious eye and face makeups, sunscreens.

Clinique
$36

Take The Day Off Makeup Remover For Lids, Lashes & Lips

Take The Day Off Makeup Remover For Lids, Lashes & Lips

Clinique's best-selling makeup remover Take The Day Off Makeup Remover For Lids, Lashes & Lips is a totally tugless formula that whisks away makeup.

Clinique
$21

C-Tango Multivitamin Eye Cream

Drunk Elephant's C-Tango is a rich and restorative eye cream featuring a brightening combination of eight peptides, five forms of vitamin C, and cucumber extract for firmer, stronger-looking skin around the eye area.

Drunk Elephant
$64

Tonique Confort Rehydrating Comforting Toner With Acacia Honey

Lancôme Tonique Confort Re-Hydrating Comforting Toner with Acacia Honey

Tonique Confort is a soothing, alcohol-free facial toner that improves skin hydration in just 15 minutes and gently cleanses, preps skin and reveals a visible glow.

Lancôme
$35

Salicylic Acid 2% Anhydrous Solution

Salicylic Acid 2% Anhydrous Solution

The Ordinary Salicylic Acid 2% Anhydrous Solution is a squalane based, non-irritating serum formulated with salicylic acid to effectively decongest the skin and provide surface exfoliation.

The Ordinary
$6.50

Lotus Youth Preserve Dream Face Cream

fresh Lotus Youth Preserve Dream Face Cream

fresh Lotus Youth Preserve Dream Face Cream recovers & detoxifies while minimizing signs of aging for more rested, youthful-looking skin by morning.

fresh
$54

Pro-Retinol Body Butter

Pro-Retinol Body Butter

Pro-Retinol: now available for your body. Josie Maran's Whipped Argan Pro-Retinol Body Butter is a lusciously whipped body butter infused with gentle and effective pro-retinol for a smoother, firmer-looking, deeply hydrated body.

Josie Maran
$46

100% Pure Argan Oil

100% Pure Argan Oil

Wellness seems to be the "it" buzzword of the day, but it's not something to take lightly. As Black women, it's important to be able to tap into what keeps us happy, mentally balanced, and all-around good. And while beauty and fashion are important aspects of life, there are a few trends we all should at least consider in order to not only stay on top of what keeps us ticking, but also upgrade out of the obligatory coach seat of that wellness journey.

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