Amanda Seales On Why Marriage Isn't A Priority For Some Black Women
Amanda Seales is not one to shy away from what tf she has to say. She is unmatched at gathering you by the collar, and she won't apologize for the way you feel afterward. She's blatantly black, and openly opinionated through and through. Watch what you say about her people, because sis has built an entire career on checking stereotypically formulated responses with logical carnage, all whilst bearing the burden of all emotional labor she takes on as an advocate of gathering your edges in the process. Sis is here for black people's uprising, and black people only, and she doesn't give af who doesn't like it--which is what we love the most about her.
Outside of a cultural heavyweight, Seales is also a savvy business woman, a comedienne and host. Through her comedy, she has perfected the art of interchangeably mixing cultural and political conversations; her primary focus being, and always being, protecting--and advocating--for the image of black women.
So when the subject came up in an interview with Refinery29, she pounced on it in the exact nature of how we would expect her to. When asked head on why black women marry later in life, have lower marital rates, and higher divorce rates than any other demographic, she responded:
"What comes to mind is that Black women have become very focused on our self-care and wellness. In doing so, we have really focused on making changes that the patriarchal society that we live in doesn't support yet. So, typically we are a head of the curve and this demonstrates that.There is a revolution among Black women and our independence. We have done the work but there seems to be a constant imbalance between us and what our partners are expecting of us."
She continued:
"We live in a world that has made actual efforts towards dismantling the Black family.We are in a society that consistently undervalues us. We are constantly in a political fight that gets in the way of our romantic togetherness. I believe that our power dynamics within relationships are less about whether we are getting paid equally or doing more work. It goes deeper historically and with the representation of what the Black family is. Look at the amount of images of couples in the media. It's not Black couples. It continues the pervasiveness that Black men and Black women can't exist together."
And she would know a bit on the subject of relationships, as Seales herself has proudly been flaunting around a new bae on the 'gram. She captioned a photo:
"I haven't claimed/been claimed by nann negro on this Gram for the 8 years I been on it...so y'all gon' get these pics lol"
A mentally checked-in sis, aware of the dynamics and challenges black women face in relationships--while simultaneously in a fresh, new, promising relationship--is something we can absolutely get behind. Amanda, we are here for this, girl! Here's to having a fulfilling and deserving relationship from now to always.
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Feature image via Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Let’s face it, gentle parenting gets a bad rap. Many of us became familiar with the term "gentle parenting" during the pandemic, and since then we’ve seen an uptick in social media creators showcasing examples of gentle parenting online. Despite their best efforts, however, there still remains misunderstanding and confusion about what gentle parenting actually is. In fact, if you ask the average parent, particularly parents of color, they will almost unanimously describe it as ineffective, permissive, and even dangerous.
Some teachers have even come out to declare that gentle parenting is causing behavioral problems in school.
These suppositions all operate under the premise that gentle parenting lacks structure and discipline. They believe that the parents who adhere to this parenting philosophy eschew maintaining any sort of authority in their household in favor of being their child’s friend.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, the psychologist and parenting expert who is credited with introducing the idea of gentle parenting describes it as parenting that "focuses on building connection, having empathy for what children are feeling and mindful discipline, with a focus on teaching and guiding, and setting up age-appropriate boundaries and limits."
What’s often overlooked, however, is that gentle parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting:
According to the American Psychology Association, authoritative parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. Current and past research overwhelmingly tells us that authoritative parents are more likely to raise children who are confident, emotionally secure, and academically successful.
Why Ockwell-Smith opted to rebrand an existing parenting philosophy isn’t entirely clear, but what is clear is that maintaining authority and boundaries are core tenets of gentle parenting.
Striking a balance between gentleness and authority can sometimes feel like navigating a tightrope, though. On one hand, we want to nurture our children with empathy and understanding, while on the other, we need to instill discipline and respect. And despite popular and ill-informed opinions, you can be and still are an authority figure in your household if you are a gentle parent.
Without further adieu, here are five practical ways you can embrace gentle parenting without sacrificing your sense of authority:
1. Setting Clear Expectations:
Authority doesn't have to come in the form of harsh demands or rigid rules. In fact, setting clear expectations can be one of the most effective ways to establish authority while remaining gentle.
Children thrive on structure and predictability, so outlining expectations helps them understand what's expected of them. However, it's crucial to communicate these expectations in a calm and respectful manner.
Instead of barking orders, try having a conversation with your child about what behavior is acceptable and why. By involving them in the process and explaining the reasoning behind your expectations, you not only foster a sense of understanding but also demonstrate your authority in a gentle way.
2. Using Positive Reinforcement:
While consequences for misbehavior are necessary, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for gentle parenting. Instead of solely focusing on what your child is doing wrong, make a conscious effort to acknowledge their positive behavior. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces the behaviors you want to see more of. It can be as simple as giving a "thank you" for cleaning up their toys. Positive reinforcement creates a nurturing environment while still upholding your authority as a parent.
3. Practicing Active Listening:
Effective communication is key to any relationship, including the one between parent and child. Practicing active listening is a fundamental aspect of gentle parenting that allows you to connect with your child on a deeper level.
Instead of dismissing their feelings or rushing to provide solutions, take the time to truly listen to what they have to say.
Validate their emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them, and show empathy towards their experiences. By demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings, you build a foundation of trust and respect that strengthens your authority in a gentle way.
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4. Offering Choices and Empowerment:
Giving your child a sense of autonomy and control can go a long way in fostering a positive parent-child relationship. Instead of always dictating what they should do, offer them choices whenever possible. This not only empowers them to make decisions for themselves but also teaches them valuable problem-solving skills. Of course, the choices should be age-appropriate and within the boundaries of your expectations as a parent.
By allowing your child to have a say in certain matters, you demonstrate that you trust and respect them, which in turn reinforces your authority in a gentle manner.
5. Leading by Example:
Perhaps the most powerful way to balance gentleness and authority is by leading by example. Children are incredibly perceptive and often mimic the behaviors they see in adults. Therefore, it's essential to model the traits and values you want to instill in your child.
Whether it's practicing patience, showing empathy towards others, or handling conflicts peacefully, your actions speak volumes.
By embodying the principles of gentle parenting in your own behavior, you not only reinforce your authority but also inspire your child to follow suit.
Gentle parenting is not synonymous with permissiveness or a lack of authority. By incorporating these five practical strategies into your parenting approach, you can cultivate a nurturing and respectful relationship with your child while still maintaining your sense of authority.
Remember, it's not about being a dictator or a pushover—it's about finding that delicate balance between empathy and discipline that ultimately fosters a loving and harmonious parent-child bond.
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