

Well, It's About Damn Time: Why 'Dry Dating' & 'Hard-Balling' Are Huge 2022 Dating Trends
Back when I used to mentor teens via a high school program that I was a part of, something that used to trigger me to sigh, incessantly so, was the fact that they had absolutely no idea what a date was. To them, having some guy hang out at their house when their mama wasn’t home and then having sex with him before she came back qualified. Low bar. LOW. DAMN. BAR.
You know what, though? I’ve been talking to a lot of women who are 10-30 years past graduating from high school and, fascinatingly enough, it appears that a lot of them haven’t been on any official dates either. The realization is actually what inspired me to write “Have You Ever Wondered What Qualifies As A REAL Date?” (if you’re not sure if you’ve ever been on a date before, PLEASE check it out). And then, as if the universe was totally cosigning on my le sighs, I peeped that some of the biggest dating trends for this year consists of spending less time in someone’s bed (at least initially) and more time getting to know each other in other ways — and I was beyond thrilled to hear it!
Are you ready to hear about some dating trends that your grandmama can actually smile about? Here we go.
What in the World Is Dry Dating?
OK, so if someone was a heavy drinker and they declared that they were going to go “dry” for a season, what would that cause you to think? If your answer is that they aren’t going to have any alcohol for a while, you would be exactly right. And along these same lines, that’s what dry dating is all about — it’s about removing all forms of physical affection and sexual intimacy in exchange for making more mental and emotional connections with someone (again, initially). As a matter of fact, most dating experts who speak on the topic of dry dating say that it also includes avoiding a semi-standard goodnight kiss.
So, what are you supposed to do instead? See, if you have to ask that question, then I know you’re someone who hasn’t been properly dated in a while. Visit a museum or art gallery. Do some sightseeing. Take a class together. Try out each other’s favorite restaurants. Go on a wine or brewery tour. Discuss each other’s top love languages and plan dates around each (check out “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language”). Go ice or roller skating. Take each other to a personal must-see spot in the city. Go out for breakfast or brunch instead of the traditional dinner. Try a Sip and See.
I promise you, once you take anything physical totally off of the table, you’ll be amazed by how much you both can tap into your creative pools to come up with some cool ways to spend some quality time together. That is if you both succeed in passing the hard-ball round which brings me to my next point.
What the Heck Is Hard-Balling?
I’m gonna be honest. When I first read about this particular trend, initially, I was a little bit on the iffy side about sharing/recommending it because I’ve had a few single clients who tend to take this to the ultimate extreme. Before getting into all of that, though, I guess I should share what hard-balling is all about. Back in the day, some of the women I know called it “dating to marry” or “dating with a purpose.” While, on a lot of levels, that is definitely considered to be hard-balling all right, it’s basically what you do when you make sure to state your intentions and expectations on the front end — before a date even transpires.
As far as pros and cons go, a “pro” to this is, to a certain degree, you can get to know where someone’s head is and what their intentions are before gracing them with your physical presence — and well, since none of us can ever get wasted time back, that’s a good thing. The flip side to this is, if you go on-10 with your approach and conversations come off as interrogations, it could turn your “date potential” off, whether they were initially on the same page as you or not.
That’s why, if you decide to go the hard-balling route, it’s still a really wise idea to take the casual conversation approach. Maybe play a round of 20 questions (avoid making all of them super serious too) or do a Zoom call where you both greet each other with a glass of wine. If you state what you are interested in, in that type of setting, the mood is more relaxed; plus, you can read each other’s body language.
Listen, a lot of folks don’t wanna hear me on this but far too often, questioning can be so aggressive that it causes people to think that they have to put a wall up to protect themselves. That’s not what hard-balling should be about. The main objective is to get some of the usual first date questions out of the way so that your date can put you at ease because you know that both of you are pretty much looking for the same things.
How Both of These Can Make Dating in the New Year So Much Better
And just why do I think, in my humble opinion, that more people should be down with dry dating and hard-balling in 2022? A lot of it has to do with something that I’ve shared on this platform before. A lot of y’all know that I’m not the biggest fan of the word “casual,” especially when it comes to sex and matters of the heart because I know what the word means — “without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand; passing,” “seeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; apathetic; unconcerned” and “without emotional intimacy or commitment.” I mean, if at the end of the day, this is totally what you are looking for, you’re grown and do you.
However, if you’re someone who is on the verge of never wanting to date again because either you’re fed up with piss-poor experiences or because you’re not even sure you’ve been on what would qualify as a real date, refusing anything casual, hard-balling out of the gate and setting the standard of dry dating, at least for 3-5 dates certainly can’t hurt anything. More times than not, it can only help matters.
Matter of fact, this brings me to another dating trend that’s going to be all-the-way live this year — fast-forwarding. And just what is that? It’s when, after going on a few dates with someone, you “fast-forward” into what you want your relational future to look like, and then you have a serious and realistic conversation with yourself about whether or not he fits the bill. NO, fast-forwarding is not about asking a man if he sees you as his wife after four dates (goodness!). Fast-forwarding is simply…say that you want kids in the next five years and the guy you’re dating is smart, funny, and totally your vibe but he has children already and isn’t really interested in having any more.
Why keep investing on a profound level when he doesn’t want the same things for his future self that you do? Exactly. Now believe you me, as far as dating trends go, there is gonna be some bullshishery out in these streets (like “icing out” where people use COVID as an excuse to ghost folks and “wokefishing” where folks act like they care about the plight of Blackness when they actually…don’t). Yet if 2022 is the year when you’ve declared, “I’m done wasting my time, dammit! I’m gonna date with wisdom and intention,” then there are some responsible trends that have your back.
Don’t be afraid to dry date, hard-ball, or fast-forward. It’s the best way to weed out the nonsense so that you can get closer to what you want — and need. Happy New Year, y’all!
Featured image by Getty Images
- 'Future Faking' Is The Current Dating Trend To Be Leery Of ... ›
- 7 Dating Trends To Avoid At All Costs + How To Avoid Them ... ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
This New Scalp Care Line Is Exactly What Your Wash Days Need
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
DC Young Fly Pays Tribute To His Longtime Partner Jacky Oh After Her Sudden Death: 'You Are The Greatest Mother I Know'
Actor, comedian, and Wild 'N' Out star John "DC Young Fly" Whitfield mourned the loss of his longtime partner and the mother of his three children, Jacklyn "Jacky Oh" Smith, with a heartfelt tribute.
For context, Smith --who rose to fame as a model and participated in the hit comedy game show Wild 'N' Out for five seasons-- tragically passed away on May 31 at the age of 32 in Miami, Florida. Although Smith's official cause of death has yet to be determined, TMZ reported that the entrepreneur was in town to undergo a cosmetic procedure known as a "mommy makeover."
As the news about Smith's passing was officially confirmed by family and on Wild 'N' Out's social media pages, a magnitude of people, from fans to the couple's close friends and colleagues such as B.Simone, Jessie Woo, Vena "Pretty Vee" Excell, Lauren "Lolo" Wood, Odell Beckham Jr., Cedric the Entertainer, D.L. Hughley, and so many others offered their condolences while honoring the mother of three.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Warner Bros
Two days after Smith's death, Whitfield released a public statement to People magazine thanking everyone for their "well-wishes" and asking for "privacy during this difficult time."
The following week on June 8, Whitfield paid tribute to Smith by sharing a post on Instagram that featured various photos and videos of the pair and their children, daughters Nova Whitfield,6, Nala Whitefield,2, and a son, who was born in July 2022, named Prince Whitfield.
In addition to the upload, Whitfield revealed that he waited a while to post this because he wanted the tragic event "to be a dream." The 31-year-old would add that as the days go by following Smith's passing, he's "reminded of" the reality that she's no longer here, and he wanted to make sure to commemorate her in a "proper manner." Further into the post, Whitfield praised Smith for being the "greatest mother" and human being.
"I wasn't in no rush to post this because I wanted it to be a dream so bad, but every hour, I'm reminded of reality, so I wanna make sure I applaud you in the proper manner,” he said. “You are the GREATEST MOTHER I KNOW your soul was beautiful. You always wanted the best for others, and I admired how our family love each other!!! Never had to worry about our kids loving each other cause you were on top of Dat!!!"
Whitfield would disclose that although he may not understand Smith's untimely passing, however, because he and their family are "God-fearing" people and "grounded by the spirit," they aren't questioning "the higher power" but rather rolling "with the punches," while holding on to their faith during this tragedy.
The Almost Christmas star went on to say that the pair's "strong" children will constantly be reminded of how great of a person Smith was, "especially a great mother."
Whitfield would wrap up the upload by mentioning how much he loved Smith and that, even though everyone is hurting right now, they would be okay because God covers them.
"The QUEEN of my children will always have a spot in my heart and the paradise (You gon get me for Dat but it's true). LOVE YOU FOREVER. Just know we going harder than ever, and GOD is in control, and he got us covered," he stated.
In light of Smith's death, xoNecole takes a look back at her relationship with Whitfield and the love they shared over the years.
DC Young Fly and Jacky Oh's Relationship History
Whitfield and Smith met in 2015 in a hotel lobby while working together at Wild 'N' Out.
At the time, Whitfield became a recurring cast member during the show's seventh season while Smith was one of the Wild 'N' Out girls. Whitfield and Smith would become an item shortly after the season seven taping of Wild 'N' Out wrapped.
In 2016, after dating for a year and a half, the couple welcomed their oldest daughter Nova. In addition to expanding their family, Smith and Whitfield would give fans a closer look into their lives through social media and the model's YouTube page, which instantly became a hit.
Smith and Whitfield would ultimately become couple goals because people enjoyed their honesty, interactions with each other, and their family life.
Jacky Oh On What Makes Her Relationship With DC Young Fly Work
In a 2017 interview with DJ Smallz Eyes, Smith shared that her relationship with Whitfield works reasonably well because they aren't afraid to have an open line of communication and are willing to address any situation head-on.
"I think communication, I know it sounds really cliche, but just communicate with each other. I think getting things off of your chest in a nice, calm way. You don't always have to be confrontational with the person. But letting a person know how you feel about something so they don't carry on doing it for the next three, four, five months, years later on down the line."
Smith added that another factor that plays a part in the couple's relationship being so successful is her selectively picking her battles and choosing to address the situation in a timely manner.
Jacky Oh On The Pair's Humble Beginnings As A Couple
In 2019, during a Q&A session on Smith's YouTube page, the couple opened up about their humble beginnings as they addressed the wild rumors that she was using Whitfield for financial reasons.
While responding to the remarks, Smith clarified that when she met Whitfield, he didn't have money "like that."
"He had no money. It's not like he didn't have any money because he was broke, but he didn't have no money like that," she said.
Following Smith's comments, Whitfield jumped in and said he was "up" $40,000 and still living with family members with the occasional "hotel" stays, to which she interjected and corrected the comedian by saying that the pair were staying at "motels" early on in their relationship.
"We didn't stay at hotels, get it right. We stayed at motels. Talking about hotels, hotels are nice," she stated. "We stayed at motels that the bed stunk... You know I really like love him. Like it was dirty."
Whitfield would add that although they stayed at motels several times, Smith "thugged it out" with him because she loved him. Smith also shared that due to Whitfield rarely being home due to his profession, the couple slept on his sister's couch and his niece's room.
But as Smith and Whitfield's careers took off respectively within the entertainment industry and the beauty world, with the star launching her eyelash and lip gloss brand J Nova Collection, they would ultimately settle down and purchase a home.
Years later, in addition to their professional success, Smith and Whitfield's family would expand even more following the birth of their second daughter Nala Whitfield in 2020 and their son Prince Whitfield last July.
Although it is reported that the couple never married after eight years together, their love seemed stronger than ever, especially following Smith's Mother's Day post back in May, which featured images of the couple and their family.
All of us at xoNecole would like to send our condolences to everyone affected by this tragedy. Rest In Peace, Ms. Jacky Oh!
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images