'Future Faking' Is The Current Dating Trend To Be Leery Of
Lawd. LAWD. So, there's a guy I know who is one of the biggest commitment-phobes on the planet. And something that is really uncanny about him is the narrative that surrounds him when it comes to the women he dates is basically exactly the same. What I mean by that is they all seem to get the impression that he will be their future husband. When I actually brought this commonality to his attention, he initially shrugged it off as the women being "crazy". However, the journalist and marriage life coach in me decided to do a little bit of investigating. What I came to discover is this ninja was a straight up future faker. And future fakers are the absolute worst. On a few levels.
If you've never heard that term before yet a part of you is really curious about what that kind of person is and why they are so damn problematic, it's your lucky day, sis. I'm gonna do my best to unpack the current popular dating trend known as future fakers so if one ever comes your way—or comes your way again—you can nip the convos in the bud, dodge the total-waste-of-time connection and go on your happy way, cause girrrrrrl…GIRL.
Future Faking: What Is It?
I'm thinking that, for the most part, future faking is self-explanatory. However, just to make sure that there are absolutely no assumptions or misconceptions, I'm gonna expound beyond the phrase just a bit. Also, I'm actually gonna use the guy I referenced in the intro to do it. Whew. Something that one of the many casualties of this particular future faker once told me is he had a habit of coming over to her house, slow dancing in her living room and talking about things like what their wedding day would someday be like and what they would name their future kids. Meanwhile, what he would tell me is she was nothing more than a glorified jump off—and that she wasn't the only one, even as he was sleeping with her.
Can you feel even more what a future faker is? It's a person who uses the future as a form of seduction.
They might tell you on the third date that they can't wait to introduce you to their family or, after a couple of months, that they could see building a real future with you. They might bring up in conversation how much fun it would be to have you come along as a date to an upcoming wedding or some other big event or, if you're out at the mall together, they might point to a jewelry store and casually mention that they would totally be down to pick something sparkly up for you in there.
What's wrong with any of this? On the surface, nothing at all. In fact, it's the hope that a healthy relationship would indeed progress in this manner. That's the problem, though—a future faker isn't qualified to be in a grown-up relationship because all they do is make promises and then turn around and break them. They say just enough to make it sound good and make you feel safe and connected yet their follow-through almost always totally sucks.
So, why is future faking so destructive that I felt I should write a full article about it? Because I think a lot of people end up getting really hurt by future fakers. Shoot, some people even end up getting engaged or perhaps even married to them.
Take a friend of mine who's been married to her future faker for almost two decades at this point. There are specific things that he told her in their first year of marriage that he's still promising to this day. Why would she marry someone like that? Well, that's kind of a write-up on its own. What I will say is sometimes what happens is we want someone or a certain kind of relationship so badly that we will keep giving them passes on not keeping their word because our emotions tell us that someday that won't be the case—someday, they will change. Meanwhile, they enjoy the way our eyes light up and how we champion for them when they do tell us that they plan on doing "this" or "that".
As a direct result, what tends to happen is, we find ourselves thinking that we're in a relationship that is based on love when we're actually entangled in something that is rooted in false hope. They are always gonna promise, we are (almost) always gonna believe them and that creates a complex bond that can be hard to break free from. That's another reason why I felt it was so important to send this smoke signal out.
So, what should you do to guard your heart, mind, and body against these tips of ninja-you're-trippin' individuals?
Future Faking 101: 5 Tips for Avoiding Getting Entangled with a Future Faker
1. Take things slow.
Seduction is a funny thing. It can have you out here so caught up in the allure of it all that you find yourself throwing caution to the wind and moving much faster than common sense knows that you should. That said, I don't care how sexy or charming ole' boy is, if you're on the first or second date, he's already talking about he could fall in love with you, try to not get too emotionally invested in that. While it might be an ego boost, healthy and responsible individuals tend to be more cautious with their words and feelings. It's one thing to say, "I dig you". It's another to say, "You're the one". Door B is what a future faker typically picks (especially if he hasn't been able to get you into bed) every time. Not because he means it. Because he thinks you'll fall for it.
2. Hold them accountable.
Patterns. It's amazing how many of us choose to blatantly ignore patterns. If a future faker can see bringing you home for Christmas, he can definitely show up on time for a date that he made a week from now. Remember, that a telling sign of a future faker is their gift of gab, so don't be out here moved by romantic hypotheticals when they can't even honor what they said they would do in real-time.
3. Require more than charm, sexiness, and seduction.
Charm is ridiculous. Yes, its charm is, well, charming yet it's still ridiculous. That's a part of the reason why I think it's comedy that so many Disney stories (which are fairy tales that are defined as being misleading stories for children) have a Prince Charming in them and so many grown women are out here saying that they are awaiting their Prince Charming. That said, I've always liked that the Bible says that charm is deceitful (and beauty is fleeting—Proverbs 31:30). To use one's power of looks, delivery or whatever to make someone fall for them with no real intention on doing the same is just what a future faker will do.
That's why, I don't care how much you like how charming, sexy or seductive a man may be, require more than all of that in order to keep your attention. Otherwise, you're gonna end up pretty disillusioned and disappointed. When it comes to this kind of guy, it's not a "might" either; it's definitely a will.
4. Stay in reality.
Newness in relationships is dope. Finding someone you connect with is dope. If it grows into something serious and lasting? That is really dope. Just remember that the beginning stages of relationships need to be grounded in reality. Sadly, a lot of people end up wasting a lot of time, effort and energy in something because their "measuring stick" is some favorite rom-com or fiction book when any healthy married couple with more than five years under their belt will tell you is intimate relationships will bring some reality checks that you never saw coming. When you're seeing someone new, reality is about looking at the truth and the facts of what's really going on. In other words, nice words are great (I'm a words of affirmation person, so I'm all for it); however, actions need to happen too.
Wishers and cravers fall for future fakers a lot because what they want to happen trumps what actually is transpiring, more times than not. Try and avoid being this kind of individual.
5. Remember what Maya Angelou said.
The late and great Maya Angelou once said something that could spare a lot of us unnecessary drama and heartache if we actually took it to heart. She said, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." A future faker is gonna constantly talk about what could happen up the road because time hasn't gotten there yet. That's why you definitely need to pay more attention to the present. If he keeps disappointing you now, why give him more future opportunities to do the same?
Future fakers are the worst because they try and get you to put hope in them when they don't have any real intention in manifesting most. All talk, no action is a total waste of time—for your present and your future. Now that you know…you know.
Featured image by Giphy
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
One thing about Megan Thee Stallion is that she’s going to motivate you to stay active. From afar, she seems like the perfect gym bestie, and up close, it looks like her workouts would have us gasping for air. But hey, she doesn’t call her routines “bootcamp” for nothing.
After an extended break from social media and the public eye, the Houston Hottie is back sharing the high-energy workouts that are keeping her lean and she’s happy to report that “the results have been resulting."
The 28-year-old rapper dropped an Instagram Reel, detailing the workout routine that’s putting her endurance to the test. With the help of her personal trainer, Megan has one word in mind when it comes to her progress and that’s: “Consistency.”
The “Savage” artist has been traveling, making “hot girl moves," and after returning from a trip to New York, she expressed that her trainer is pushing her to keep the same energy back in the gym.
“I had just gotten back from New York and I told my trainer, ‘Look, friend, I was having a time. Can you please take it easy?’” Megan said. “He said, ‘Hmm, I’ve seen you doing all that hot girl s—, so what you need to do is get in that gym and have that same energy.’”
Her trainer then instructed her to do jumping squats with an exercise ball and resistance band around her legs for an extra burn. “I put my thing down, flipped it, and reversed it and that’s what happened. This sh– burned like a motherf—,” she teased in the video’s voiceover while executing both forward and backward jumping squats.
It’s clear that when it comes to Megan’s fitness, her trainer doesn’t play around about pushing her to her limits. In the next set of her cardio moves, we see the Grammy-winning artist jumping rope and moving on to a combination of mountain climbers and lateral jumps over a speed hurdle.
“Right here, that’s when I realized: I’ve been saying my trainer’s crazy but I know he’s really, really crazy because he must think that I’m trying out for the Houston Texans or something,” she joked.
To finish her workout, Meg hit two more barbell exercises, one being a set of cleans with 10-pound weight plates on the barbell. She then closed out by doing lunges with the barbell racked on her shoulders.
Of course, the best way to close out a workout is to nourish yourself with a balanced meal. Meg showed off her delicious post-workout plate with salmon, a sweet potato, and assorted veggies.
With so much of her public life being shared on the internet, it’s nice to see her letting us in on her progress in a fun and motivating way. “I just want to be transparent with y'all. Working out hurts, but it’s really a mental thang, so go do it!”
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