You Are Not The Exception: 5 Dating Mistakes You Need To Stop Making Immediately
As women, we are naturally blessed with something that helps protect us against heartache and keeps us on our toes when dealing with our sometimes not-so-transparent counterparts. It's called intuition.
Our intuition helps guide us when things feel a little shady. And if we are truly in tune with ourselves and our intuition, we are able to maneuver through the craziest situations unscathed.
Unfortunately, we don't always listen to our intuition and we end up hurt, heartbroken, and left to put the pieces back together while stroking our ego and trying to figure out what exactly went wrong with the man we thought was going to be the one.
Here are five mistakes I have made that many of you may have too in dating, and how to stop making them.
Changing Your Appearance To Get A Man
I once dated someone who literally asked me if I would ever get plastic surgery. I was heartbroken. Not only that, but he sent me workout plans, urged me to lose weight (I'm 5'5 and was 137 lbs), and preferred me to look different than I preferred in general.
After losing 20 lbs in two months, getting color and heat damage to my hair, and totally losing my self-esteem, I was still unhappy and still not the woman he wanted me to be. The thing was, he felt we had a great connection but deep down, we both knew I wasn't his type physically and instead of me saying, "Hey, if you don't like it, someone else will," my young mind figured it was better for me to change who I was to appease him than to lose him and not have anyone.
Don't get me wrong, in marriage and dating, you should always want to look your best for yourself and your partner but your partner should love you at your worst and not be any less attracted to you because you gain or lose ten pounds. My husband has known me since I was a teenager and thinks I'm beautiful with or without makeup, kisses me before I've brushed my teeth, and has never once told me I needed to physically change for him in any way.
The person you are with should love you, naked flaws and all.
The moment a man feels he needs to change you or mold you into who he wants you to be, is the moment a lightbulb should go off that this may not be the man for you.
Changing Who You Are As A Person
Aside from physical appearance, have you ever dated someone and your friends and family pointed out that you simply were not the same around your partner? Maybe your normal loud and outgoing self was more subdued and quiet because he liked shy girls. Maybe you found yourself forcing yourself to be the life of the party when you would have preferred to be the wallflower. Or maybe you might have even changed in more serious ways like your religion, political views, or core beliefs.
When I dated my suicidal ex at 17, he wanted me to be angry. He verbally stated that to me and purposely did things to make me angry. Since I am an extremely nice and for the most part happy person, I denied his request at first, but the longer I stayed with him, the angrier I became. But that's not to say that nothing positive can come from change. In fact, some people can change you for the better.
A good rule of thumb in figuring out if the change is for the better or worse is following your intuition.
How does it make you feel? How does he make you feel? Do you feel like this change is beneficial to you or life at all? Will changing make you a better person? Do you really want to make this change? If all roads lead to "no," and your gut tells you something isn't right, most likely he is trying to change you for his own selfish reasons and you should probably get out of dodge.
Loving Them Into Loving You
Have you ever tried to convince a man to love you? Perhaps you made a game out of it to get him to actually say he loved you. You did everything in your power to try and catch this man and make him yours and the harder you tried to get him to love you, the more YOU actually fell in love with HIM, and the more HE grew distant until you were left alone wondering what the hell happened? Orrr, is it just me?
I definitely have played that game and man, did I learn my lesson. The truth is, no matter how hard you try, how good of a woman you are, how amazing your macaroni and cheese tastes, you can't love a man into loving you or convince him into loving you. One of my guy friends was dating a woman he absolutely loved. She ended up breaking up with him due to some immature mistakes he had made. During his time being single, he found a slight form of happiness in a few women he dated.
These were college-educated, attractive, and caring women. They literally catered to him while he had recently lost his job and was going through his heartbreak. They cooked for him, took him out, stayed over his place, and basically did everything a great girlfriend would do in a relationship in hopes of convincing him that each of them was the one. In the end, he ended up reconciling with his ex-girlfriend and getting back together. It didn't matter how much any of the women he was dating did for him if his heart and mind were somewhere else.
You can't convince a man to love you, ladies. He will choose, pursue, and ultimately be with the woman he truly loves each and every time.
No amount of convincing on your end is going to get him to realize you are the one for him. He has to recognize that on his own and if he can't or refuses to see it, you have to love yourself enough to walk away and continue being the amazing beautiful woman you are without him.
Ignoring Your Intuition
How often have all of the signs pointed to "no" and you still looked at it and somehow got a "yes"? All of your friends told you to stop talking to him, your grandma rolled her eyes when you brought him to the family cookout, and everything in your right mind told you this man was wrong, but you still tried to make it work. Why do we do this?
When I dated my ex, he showed me tons of signs that we were not meant to be together. He would constantly try to manipulate me to get me to do what he wanted and then if I did it, he would make me feel bad for folding. If I did not meet whatever his demand was, he would make me feel guilty for not doing it. I knew he was not good for me but my fear of him harming himself made me stay much longer than I should have. Even as a teenager, in dating I would always ask myself, Can I see myself being with this person for a lifetime? Can I picture myself marrying this person? And aside from my now-husband, the answer was always "no."
I think deep down inside we always know when a situation is not ideal for us, we either choose to ignore the signs or attempt to change him or ourselves to make things work.
We were blessed with intuition for a reason. It's a form of protection and a way for us to navigate through this thing called life while staying as safe as possible. Perhaps your intuition was slightly off before so you figured it was okay to give this man a shot. Cool. But when you know in your heart of hearts something isn't right with him, why continue to ignore signs that he is not the one? You know when someone is right just like you know when they are wrong. The problem comes along when you decide to ignore that gut feeling and keep going after what doesn't serve you.
Pursuing A Man Who Doesn't Want You
I have a very traditional way of thinking when it comes to dating and pursuing. I don't believe a woman should ever chase after or pursue a man. Literally, every circumstance I've ever been in or heard of when a woman has done this has gone horribly wrong and left her heartbroken.
Even in rare cases where she actually ended up in a relationship with the man SHE pursued, she never really felt like he loved her, constantly felt insecure, and never reaped the benefits of being with a man who was afraid to lose her. If you feel differently, that's fine, but please at the very least don't pursue a man who clearly doesn't want you. How do you know he doesn't want you? Well, if you can check off the seven indicators below, there's a huge chance he is not interested:
- He doesn't contact you frequently
- He doesn't ask you out on dates
- He doesn't show that he is thinking about you
- He talks to you about other women he's dating
- He's inconsistent
- He disappears
- He doesn't ask questions to get to know you
When you pursue a man, you are constantly left with the question: Is this man really interested in me?
You search for signs of whether or not he cares about you and your heart and mind are not aligned. Pursuing a man puts him in the position to be chased as opposed to chasing you.
If a man truly wants you, you will not have to question, you won't have to chase him, and you will never be left wondering about his feelings because even if he doesn't come out and say it right away, you will feel it through his actions. A man who is interested in a woman lets her know. While you are wasting your time chasing after him, he is busy chasing and pursuing the woman he really wants. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it is true. You are every bit worthy to be pursued and when you treat yourself as such, the right man will pursue you.
Unfortunately, every man that you want won't always be the man who wants you, but when you are busy living your best life, loving yourself fiercely, and dating with purpose, the right one will find you and you won't have to chase him or try to convince him why you are worthy to be loved, he will see it because you exude it.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, writer and spoken word poet, who doesn't trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on Twitter & Instagram.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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It’s officially Miss Keri, Baby season again—and if you ask us, it’s been a long time coming. After 15 years away from the music scene, Keri Hilson has returned not only with a brand-new album, but also a captivating new role in Lifetime’s Fame—the latest installment in The Temptations film franchise.
Between the album We Need to Talk: Love and her leading role in Fame, this isn’t just a comeback—it’s a rebirth. The Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter turned actress is letting us into her world like never before, unpacking themes of vulnerability, healing, and inner strength with grace, grit, and raw artistry.
Now streaming on Lifetime, Fame follows two superstar sisters—played by Keri and singer/actress Keshia Chanté—as they navigate the cost of stardom, sibling rivalry, and the dark side of desire. The film also stars Romeo Miller, Ecstasia Sanders, Nathan Witte, and Sophie Carriere, and is executive produced by Derrick Williams and Adriane Hopper Williams of the Seven Deadly Sins franchise.
As for the music? We Need to Talk: Love is a three-part album (Love, Drama, Redemption) that tells the story of a woman who’s been through it—and has risen from the ashes. “It was time to speak for myself,” Keri says.
We sat down with Keri to talk about her return to music, her passion for acting, the emotional depth of Fame, and how she’s learning to care for herself amidst the chaos.
From R&B Queen to Drama Star: Keri Gets Into Character
“Even though she’s famous—as am I—it was really her humanity that I wanted to portray.”
Keri plays Cherish, one half of a superstar sibling duo who must confront their fractured relationship in the wake of a traumatic robbery. For Keri, the role was more than a character—it was a psychological study.
“I enjoy departures from reality. That’s why I love acting,” she shares. “Psychology is one of my favorite things in life. I became a writer because I’m an observer of human nature, emotion, and behavior. I think I did a good job showing her humanity.”
The Fame Isn’t Always Worth the Price
“Keep the main thing the main thing.”
Keri doesn’t sugarcoat the industry. When asked about what Fame reveals about the dark side of celebrity culture, her answer is clear:
“It’s a cautionary tale. It reminds you to keep your family close and not allow anything to come between them—especially in pursuit of success. Keep the main thing the main thing. For me, that’s family, love, spirituality, and values.”
Three Chapters, One Story: Love. Drama. Redemption.
“I’ve shed the fear. It was time to tell my own story.”
Released April 18th, We Need to Talk: Love is Keri’s first album in 15 years—and a deeply personal one at that. The three-part project (Love, Drama, Redemption) represents a timeline of healing and growth.
“I’m finally in a place where I’m able and willing to open up more,” she says. “For a while, I became really guarded—shell-shocked, even—after making mistakes in the public eye. Whether it’s all your fault or not, the scrutiny takes its toll. But now, I’ve shed that fear. It’s time to tell my story.”
Cooking, Walks, and Recalibrating in the Chaos
“I’m not doing the best job—but I’m doing what I can.”
Between eight-hour rehearsals, press runs, and music releases, Hilson admits she hasn’t quite figured out the balance yet—but she’s trying. For her, the key is carving out small rituals of normalcy.
“I enjoy cooking. That’s my sanctity,” she says. “I’ll go home, take my makeup off, put on my rehearsal clothes, and cook a meal. I take walks. I run. These little things help me feel like myself again.”
Art Imitates Life (and Album Tracklists)
“Cherish goes from Love… to Drama… to Redemption.”
Asked which album chapter her Fame character would fall into, Keri doesn’t hesitate. “She fits into all three,” she says. “You see her go from love, to drama, to redemption. That arc mirrors the journey of so many women who’ve had to navigate pain and find their way back to themselves.”
No Pressure, Just Art: Keri Wants You to Feel Something
“Just enjoy the art. That’s it.”
After all the time, patience, and healing, Keri isn’t asking for much. She just wants fans to press play—and feel something.
“I just want people to enjoy what they’re seeing and hearing. Enjoy me on screen. Enjoy me through their ears. People have waited, and I feel blessed by that. That helps me keep it all pure and simple.”
As Keri Hilson steps boldly back into the spotlight, it’s clear this era is all about alignment, artistry, and authenticity. With Fame airing on Lifetime and the first chapter of We Need to Talk: Love setting the tone, we’re more than excited to see what’s next.
As she continues to unfold the album’s next two chapters—Drama and Redemption—one thing’s for sure: this isn’t just a comeback. It’s a reintroduction. And we’ll be watching, listening, and cheering her on every step of the way.
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