

A movie that I have watched, so many times that I've totally lost count at this point, is (wow) 11 years old now. It's the romantic comedy called Definitely, Maybe, starring Ryan Reynolds, Abigail Breslin, Isla Fisher and a host of other folks. If you've never seen it before, it's about a man by the name of Will (Ryan plays him) who is going through a divorce. His daughter Maya (played by Abigail) has all sorts of questions about his love life. As he walks her through his journey (totally in a PG fashion), a recurring character that keeps coming up is April (played by Isla).
If for some reason you decide to watch the movie for the first time at some point, I won't give the ending away. What I will say is I think that a part of the reason why I like the film so much is because it speaks to the old adage "timing is everything"—or, as my mother used to oftentimes say, "the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing". When it comes to what we'll be talking about here today, it is oh so true that sometimes we love someone we can't have…right now. Maybe they don't see us the way that we see them—yet. Maybe there are some life experiences that both they and we need to have before crossing paths in a romantic way. Perhaps, while we may be "in the same book" with someone, we're not exactly in the same chapter, let alone on the same page. Again…yet. In these instances, sometimes all we need to get to our happy ending is time which requires faith and patience.
Yeah, that's not exactly what this article is about, though. What I'm talking about is what you should do if you love someone that the Universe is giving you all sorts of pushback on. Maybe they're married or in a serious relationship. Maybe the feelings are there, but you don't truly complement each other. Or maybe, you're "All Alone in Love" like Mariah used to single about (check out "5 Signs That You're In Love (All By Yourself)" when you get a chance). When this is what's going on, how do you 1) live through it and 2) get past it? Girrrl. Girl.
Ask Yourself If It’s Truly Love That You’re Feeling
If you're currently single and you desire marriage or a long-term relationship, what do you want the love that you share with that person to feel like? Shoot, to be like? Because I am passionate person, back when I was dating, sexing and situationship-ing, I must admit that I was a bit more interested in being led by desire than what motivates me now—feeling safe. Don't get me wrong, lust (which means sexual desire) has its place. My problem was that I put it before love and, when that is the case, things can go real left, real quick.
After detoxing some toxic family patterns, unhealthy friendships and cray-cray relationships with men, I realized that if something doesn't feel safe—"secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk"—something isn't right. Something ain't the all-the-way-kind-of-love that I'm deserving of.
Just think about it. If you have a child, don't you want them to feel safe in your love? Your friends—don't you want them to feel safe in your love? Someone who believes that you love them, don't you want them to also feel safe? God loves us. Do you feel safe or unsafe knowing that?
Unfortunately, at least to me, the word "love" is tossed around so much—"I love ice cream", "I love red bottoms" and "Oh yeah, I love my husband too"—that a lot of us don't give love the kind of honor that it truly deserves.
That said, if you do indeed love someone who you can't have, in the process of feeling what you feel, is "safe" a word that can honestly be used to the relationship—mutually so? If not, if the situation exposes you to harm or danger or it involves a lot of risk (even if it's just emotional risk), I'm not saying that you're not feeling something; I'm just saying that love may not be exactly what it is. Love covers. Love protects. Love is safe. It's as deep and simple as that.
Get Real with Yourself About the Circumstances
If you've read enough of my relationship articles on the site, you know that I'm good for putting a throwback song into the mix. One that is pretty fitting right here is Shirley Murdock's "Husband". Actually, Shirley Murdock's "Husband", "As We Lay" (which she actually isn't all that thrilled to perform; see why here), and Kelly Price's remake of "As We Lay" where, in the video, Shirley plays Kelly's mom and says, "I know you think that you love this man, but God is not going to give you somebody else's husband." (For the record, she doesn't say you can't be with him; she said God won't be involved in the situation. That is key.)
I'm pretty sure most of you are familiar with at least one of the versions of "As We Lay", but if you don't recall "Husband", peep a part of the second verse: "You satisfied a real desire in me/Without apologies, I still have those needs/Well, I'm a lady with class, and I know my desire will pass/This cannot occur because you are her husband". I have shared before that once upon a time, I was a wedding planner who had the nerve to sleep with the groom-to-be (lowdown I know, yes she found out; they still went through with it, but they are divorced now). As a marriage life coach, I've also dealt with infidelity quite a bit and yes, sometimes people do profess to be in love with the person they are cheating with. I even know a couple who divorced their spouses, married their "side person" and have been together for well over two decades now (that is an exception and not the norm, by the way).
But to all of this, what I will say is, trust tends to be significantly and oftentimes irrevocably broken when two people come together via cheating. It is very hard to ignore the fact that if someone will cheat on their partner with you, it is very likely that they will do the same thing on you later down the road. And honestly, to want someone so badly that you don't care about that fact, that also begs the question if you're "in love" so much as you're bordering on obsession because real love doesn't require that you lose yourself in order to obtain it.
So yeah, if you love someone you can't have because they are currently with someone else, get real about if you are so consumed by them that you will not love your own self, just to be with them. If the answer is "yes", sis, the last thing that you need is that guy. What you need is to practice some self-love so that you can see what you are worthy of; and sometimes, that is the furthest thing from what you (currently) want.
Fun fact about "As We Lay": If you ever wondered what it would be like for these two sangin' powerhouses to come together, Shirley and Kelly performed "As We Lay" some years ago at the Essence Festival. You can peep it here.
Are There Red Flags That You’re Ignoring?
Once upon a time, there was a man who I loved so much that I looked over all sorts of red flags. His commitment-phobia. His unhealed childhood sexual abuse. How he would talk to me about other women (it wasn't derogatory, but it was pretty dismissive). His emotional unavailability and, to a certain degree, immaturity. I loved him so much that, in my mind, I thought that I could "love those things away" when, the reality is that, sometimes all you can do is support someone as they go through the process of fixing themselves via therapy, healing and the conscious desire to want to break free from certain patterns.
Sometimes, we want someone so badly that we overlook all of the reasons why we actually don't need to have them in our lives—at least, not in the way that we want them to be. Sometimes, if we're really and truly honest with ourselves, the "can't have them" is about all of the red flags that are trying to tell us, "I know you think this is what you want, but I promise you that it isn't."
What red flags are you ignoring? If you really can't see them, ask your friends about the red flags they may be noticing. Red means stop. Don't take that lightly.
How Has the Universe Been Working AGAINST What You Want?
There's another guy in my world who, although I didn't initially know it at the time that we met, he was in a long-term relationship. We worked together (which is how an overwhelming amount of emotional affairs get started) and so, eventually, I developed a pretty serious crush. By the time that I did find out that he was with someone—yes, feel free to insert some side-eye there because him not saying it from the jump was indeed shady on his part—I had already caught feelings. Feelings to the point where I was pretty irritated with God (what, you ain't never been there before?). I was irritated because, after finding out that we knew some of the same people and had shared similar life experiences well before meeting up and also well before he got with someone, I thought that the Lord was playing some sort of cruel prank or cosmic joke. Because, in my mind, this man was absolutely perfect for me.
That is until, after about six months of griping, I heard God say to me, "Shellie, if I wanted you to meet him when he was available, you would have. Being your man is not the purpose that he is to serve in your life." God was so right (duh). As I got to know this guy more and as I've discovered more about myself, he serves a purpose; just not a romantic one.
And trust me, coming to that realization has been a real lifesaver and totally a good thing. Not all connections or intimacies are meant to be romantic or sexualized. Sometimes, until we get—and accept—that reality, the Universe will do all sorts of things to put stumbling blocks in our way. For me, it was waiting for time to reveal.
So yeah, sis. If you love someone who you can't have, ask yourself why can't you? If it's due to their relational status, y'all's location or some other sort of circumstances, rather than breaking your neck to try and make "it" happen anyway, have you ever considered that God loves you enough to prevent it from going any further? And that is a blessing—even if right now it is a blessing in disguise.
What’s Preventing You from Moving On?
Even though mama used to say that there is no such thing as "can't", if trying to be with someone is costing you your principles, your self-worth or even if it's just totally wasting your time, sometimes "can't" should apply. You simply cannot remain emotionally invested in someone who either isn't right for you or, through his actions (or lack thereof), is showing that he doesn't want you because you're so much better than that.
If you're not yet at this point and place, ask yourself why not. Are you not accepting reality for what it is? Are the two of you sexually involved and you're honestly ad-dick-ted? Are you hoping that if you wait long enough, the circumstances that are keeping the two of you from being apart will change…even though his actions are clearly indicating that he has no problem with things remaining just as they are? Do you believe that you will never love someone the way that you love him? Are you afraid that this is the best that it's gonna get?
I had to learn the long and hard way that someone who truly loves me will value my time. A man who has no problem wasting it, he doesn't love me as much as I deserve to be loved. If the "can't have situation" that you are currently in is dragging along, you should ask yourself if waiting even longer is more or less painful than sucking it up and moving on, so that you can get to someone who will value every moment that he has with you—and will act accordingly because of it.
Do You Really Not Believe That There’s Better Out There for You?
Now that all of this information has been presented to you, if you still want to hang on, really, what is that all about? It took me a long time to get to the point and place that I'm about to share with you but, you deserve the kind of love that you are willing to give but aren't receiving in return. And here's the thing about that—if he felt the same way, he'd be making moves to figure that out as well. Here's one more thing about that—if he's married, you shouldn't want him to ditch his wife for you; he took sacred vows. Again, if he can dismiss her, he's showing you that it's not outside of his character to do the same thing to you too.
Something that the loving-someone-I-can't-have experience has taught me is the extreme importance that comes with guarding my heart so that the gift of my love isn't given without seeing if mutuality and reciprocity are even on the table first.
If it's not, no matter how awesome a man may be, he needs to be "filed away" as being something else. That way, my heart is healthy and whole for a man who I can love that I can have. A man who is single, ready and emotionally available to loving me in return. Because that's the kind of love that I deserve—one that will instead of, well, can't.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Why We Love Men Who Are Absolutely No Good For Us
Why You Should Be Grateful 'He' Didn't Choose You
You Can't Sex It Away: A D*ck Appointment Is Not An Antidepressant
One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material
Feature image of model Asha Childs by Unsplash
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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It’s officially Miss Keri, Baby season again—and if you ask us, it’s been a long time coming. After 15 years away from the music scene, Keri Hilson has returned not only with a brand-new album, but also a captivating new role in Lifetime’s Fame—the latest installment in The Temptations film franchise.
Between the album We Need to Talk: Love and her leading role in Fame, this isn’t just a comeback—it’s a rebirth. The Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter turned actress is letting us into her world like never before, unpacking themes of vulnerability, healing, and inner strength with grace, grit, and raw artistry.
Now streaming on Lifetime, Fame follows two superstar sisters—played by Keri and singer/actress Keshia Chanté—as they navigate the cost of stardom, sibling rivalry, and the dark side of desire. The film also stars Romeo Miller, Ecstasia Sanders, Nathan Witte, and Sophie Carriere, and is executive produced by Derrick Williams and Adriane Hopper Williams of the Seven Deadly Sins franchise.
As for the music? We Need to Talk: Love is a three-part album (Love, Drama, Redemption) that tells the story of a woman who’s been through it—and has risen from the ashes. “It was time to speak for myself,” Keri says.
We sat down with Keri to talk about her return to music, her passion for acting, the emotional depth of Fame, and how she’s learning to care for herself amidst the chaos.
From R&B Queen to Drama Star: Keri Gets Into Character
“Even though she’s famous—as am I—it was really her humanity that I wanted to portray.”
Keri plays Cherish, one half of a superstar sibling duo who must confront their fractured relationship in the wake of a traumatic robbery. For Keri, the role was more than a character—it was a psychological study.
“I enjoy departures from reality. That’s why I love acting,” she shares. “Psychology is one of my favorite things in life. I became a writer because I’m an observer of human nature, emotion, and behavior. I think I did a good job showing her humanity.”
The Fame Isn’t Always Worth the Price
“Keep the main thing the main thing.”
Keri doesn’t sugarcoat the industry. When asked about what Fame reveals about the dark side of celebrity culture, her answer is clear:
“It’s a cautionary tale. It reminds you to keep your family close and not allow anything to come between them—especially in pursuit of success. Keep the main thing the main thing. For me, that’s family, love, spirituality, and values.”
Three Chapters, One Story: Love. Drama. Redemption.
“I’ve shed the fear. It was time to tell my own story.”
Released April 18th, We Need to Talk: Love is Keri’s first album in 15 years—and a deeply personal one at that. The three-part project (Love, Drama, Redemption) represents a timeline of healing and growth.
“I’m finally in a place where I’m able and willing to open up more,” she says. “For a while, I became really guarded—shell-shocked, even—after making mistakes in the public eye. Whether it’s all your fault or not, the scrutiny takes its toll. But now, I’ve shed that fear. It’s time to tell my story.”
Cooking, Walks, and Recalibrating in the Chaos
“I’m not doing the best job—but I’m doing what I can.”
Between eight-hour rehearsals, press runs, and music releases, Hilson admits she hasn’t quite figured out the balance yet—but she’s trying. For her, the key is carving out small rituals of normalcy.
“I enjoy cooking. That’s my sanctity,” she says. “I’ll go home, take my makeup off, put on my rehearsal clothes, and cook a meal. I take walks. I run. These little things help me feel like myself again.”
Art Imitates Life (and Album Tracklists)
“Cherish goes from Love… to Drama… to Redemption.”
Asked which album chapter her Fame character would fall into, Keri doesn’t hesitate. “She fits into all three,” she says. “You see her go from love, to drama, to redemption. That arc mirrors the journey of so many women who’ve had to navigate pain and find their way back to themselves.”
No Pressure, Just Art: Keri Wants You to Feel Something
“Just enjoy the art. That’s it.”
After all the time, patience, and healing, Keri isn’t asking for much. She just wants fans to press play—and feel something.
“I just want people to enjoy what they’re seeing and hearing. Enjoy me on screen. Enjoy me through their ears. People have waited, and I feel blessed by that. That helps me keep it all pure and simple.”
As Keri Hilson steps boldly back into the spotlight, it’s clear this era is all about alignment, artistry, and authenticity. With Fame airing on Lifetime and the first chapter of We Need to Talk: Love setting the tone, we’re more than excited to see what’s next.
As she continues to unfold the album’s next two chapters—Drama and Redemption—one thing’s for sure: this isn’t just a comeback. It’s a reintroduction. And we’ll be watching, listening, and cheering her on every step of the way.
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