

A boy proposed to a girl. She rejected. He was not sad. When his friends asked him why he was not sad, the boy said, "Why should I be sad? I lost someone who didn't love me. But she also lost someone who truly loved her."
If you happened to read my article on soulmates, you already know that I have a pretty unconventional way of looking at them. For starters, I don't think that soulmates are only romantic connections or that they mimic the characters in rom-coms. Personally, I think that soulmates are individuals that come into our lives to make our souls better. And, in order for that to happen, sometimes growing pains transpire along the way.
Along these same lines, as far as love relationships go, I also don't believe there is just one person for each of us. What I mean by that is, out of the 7.63 billion people living on this planet, shoot, there are at least a dozen folks that every person could fall in love with and be happily committed to for the rest of their life.
Now, with that on record, I also think that God has someone who is His absolute best for us (although most of us are too impatient to let Him bring us to that person). I also think that, when choosing a partner, we don't need to just factor in who gives us butterflies, whose personality we like most, or even who we have the most in common with.
Life experiences and the wisdom that comes from them is teaching me that when we choose someone, we also choose the path that we want to go on in life.
I'll give you an example. There's a man from my past where things didn't work the first time around simply due to bad timing. No more, no less. Fast forward to a few years ago, when we caught up, he's still fine (and still some mo' fine), he can still make me blush and giggle like a little girl and we still are compatible in many ways.
Still, I had to let him pass.
Some of y'all will probably look at me like "What in the world were you thinking?!" That's a fair question. What I was thinking is that he's not on the kind of path that I want to be on. He's working in a profession and has the kind of schedule that I know I wouldn't gel with. When I think about the calling that's on my life, I think it would clash with, not complement his. The thought of waking up each morning in his world doesn't excite me. To me, these are the kinds of things that people should think about when it comes to getting into a long-term relationship with someone. Unfortunately, most of us…don't.
And just what does all of this have to do with the title of this particular piece? That's a good question too. Last year, my heart was broken in such a way that it took me a while to breathe normally, let alone feel like myself. The journey is a book within itself but, basically, there's a man that I was extremely close with, that over a dozen people said I was a great fit for and even he said I was the female version of him in a lot of ways. And, unlike a lot of the men from my past, I adored everything about his calling and purpose. So much, in fact, that we worked—seamlessly so—on a lot of projects together.
Anyway, one day we had a six-plus hour conversation on the phone about our feelings, our lives, and the future. Hmph. Sometimes, I'm baffled that there can be so many different religions (or even denominations in a particular faith), but after being completely blindsided by this guy, I get it. So many things are all about perception. Meaning, while I got off the phone thinking that we were making more strides than ever, he decided to shoot me an email at midnight stating the complete opposite. When I tell you that I didn't see it coming…I DID NOT SEE IT COMING. When I tell you that I truly was devastated…I WAS TRULY DEVASTATED. When I tell you that his actions following indicated that he couldn't care less…HE COULDN'T CARE LESS.
I think sometimes, when our heart has been broken, we're grieving a myriad of things. The loss of someone we love (although you peeped what I started this article out with, right? Loss goes both ways, whether the other person realizes it or not). The sadness of not ending up with the kind of life we thought we were going to have. The simmering anger as we question if the journey was a complete and total waste of time—or not.
But what I want to address, specifically, is the sometimes embarrassment or maybe even pseudo-humiliation we may feel, simply that comes from realizing that the guy that we chose didn't choose us. He didn't want (one definition of "choose") us. He didn't desire (one definition of "choose") us. He didn't prefer (another definition of "choose") us. At least he didn't do those things enough to get on the same page with us. I get it—who wants to admit they wanted, desired, and preferred someone who didn't want, desire, and prefer them in return?
Related: Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife
But here's the thing. I think that sometimes, we as women are so busy putting so much time, effort, energy, and tears into making a relationship work that we don't realize that we deserve to have all of that reciprocated; that just like a man deserves the privilege of having us choose him, we deserve a man who went through the same kind of processing that we did in order to be chosen by him. And truly choosing someone? It requires maturity, emotional stability, spiritual discernment, extreme self-awareness, and personal preparation.
Here's the visual. A man who knows about diamonds? You can't put a piece of junk jewelry from Claire's, a piece of costume jewelry from Nordstrom's, and then a diamond from Tiffany's in front of his face and think that he won't be able to tell the difference between all three of them. He knows the real from the fake because he's spent some time learning what separates a precious gem from what's…an imitation. Therefore, he not only has the knowledge to choose wisely and well, he also is willing to make the sacrifices to get what he's chosen.
A man who doesn't know what a real diamond looks like? He'll go into Tiffany's and act the same way he would in Claire's—to him, both look like crystal rocks. Both come a dime and dozen and so he acts like such. See where I'm going with this?
Now, it would be arrogant as all get out to say that every man who doesn't choose a woman who chooses him doesn't see the value in women. That's not where I'm going with this.
What I will say is when a good man decides not to choose a woman who has chosen him, he's still going to handle her feelings with extreme caution and care because a diamond is a diamond—even if it's not your preferred cut and clarity.
The bigger point I'm trying to make is when a man doesn't choose you, it's a blessing in disguise because what he's essentially saying is he's decided to not do what the man who will choose you someday will. I know men who want, desire, and prefer their woman. She is treated like pure royalty, a priceless gem, like the Scripture that I have tattooed on my right forearm—"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it." (Matthew 13:45-46—NKJV)
A wise man once said, "Rejection is God's way of saying 'wrong direction'"—that we're on THE WRONG PATH. No one likes the sting of rejection. Trust me, I know. But whenever it happens, it really is God's way of saying, "Daughter, he didn't choose you. Oh, but wait until you see the one who will!" You'll look up and realize that not being chosen by your ex-dude is one of the best things that could've ever happened to you.
How can I be so sure? Claire's junk jewelry may get more traffic (they're literally worth a dime a dozen), but Tiffany diamonds? They're not out here begging to be seen. They know their worth and value. They also know what someone has to go through in order to have them. They can wait until the right one chooses them.
Sis, so can you. Be grateful that the one who didn't know any better didn't choose you. He freed up space for the one who will.
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- What would you say to the one who got away? | The Outline ›
- How You Forget The One Who Got Away | Thought Catalog ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock