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Your Soulmate Might Be The One Who Broke You
Something that I've been really getting into lately is watching Black web series. Some pretty cool ones are The Put Down, To Each His Own, The C-Word, Staged and the entire Issa Rae Presents YouTube channel. While I was wrapping up the season finale ofThe Land of Milk & Honey, something was said that reminded me of my all-time favorite quote on love, as it relates to self-love.
Let me set it up for you a bit. A woman had to choose between a bomb internship in New York or staying where she was in order to be with a man. A man who 1) Refused to give her the title of girlfriend that she wanted and 2) Unbeknownst to her, had a newly-pregnant girlfriend.
As she was grieving over the fact that the guy didn't "fight" to keep her in his life, her homegirl said something that, quite frankly, a lot of us could stand to hear: "I love you enough to tell you the truth. You have such a big future, God couldn't find space for him."
That right there? It complements my favorite self-love quote exquisitely:
"As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship, do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming."
— Leo Buscaglia, professor and author.
What does all of this even remotely have to do with soulmates? Chile, I'm so glad that you asked.
If there are two words that seem to trigger a ton of different emotional responses and reactions, it's "fairy tale" and "soulmate". The first one, I personally can't stand; especially when I hear women say, "I'm living for the fairy tale." Are you? I wonder how many people know that a fairy tale by definition is "a story, usually for children" and "an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief". A "childish misleading account" is not my idea of a beautiful (or realistic) love story. But soulmate? I dig that word all day long.
Only, it's probably not for the reasons that you might think.
I grew up in the church. And the church, as a whole, isn't all that big on soulmates. I find that to be weird because there is a clear example of soulmates in the Bible — Jonathan and David. In fact, there's a scripture that says, "Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul." (I Samuel 18:3—NKJV) This was not a romantic or sexual covenant or connection. It was a powerful bond of friendship. It's also evidence that soulmates can be platonic. OK, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
Something that I've been studying for a few years now is the Hebrew language. I really dig its definition of soul and soulmate. The Hebrew word for soul is "nephesh". It's a complex word, but it basically means that our soul is not just the spiritual part of us; it's all of us — our mind, heart, and body, our desires, our life overall. The Hebrew word for soulmate is "bashert"; it means our destiny. It's all about being joined to a life partner who will help us grow as spiritual beings. By definition, that literally includes going through the good, bad, ugly, challenging, and annoying things with someone else in order to become who we were truly meant to be.
It's not about butterflies in the stomach or feeling good all of the time. It's about being connected to someone who will make us better individuals.
This is why I believe that a soulmate can be someone who broke our heart. When I think about the man whom I loved more than anyone else, he's also the man who devastated me the most. The story within itself is a novel — well, at least a novella — that I will probably write one day (heads up — always be cautious about getting involved with a writer; you will see yourself in print). For now, I'll just say that during my journey with him, I learned more about love, patience, forgiveness, personal growth, and even acceptance in a way I know I wouldn't have had he not been a part of my life. No one can convince me otherwise.
When things came to an end, heartbroken doesn't begin to describe how I felt. For months, it was like I was in a daze, trying to figure out how to make sense of it all. But as I began to heal, the Leo Buscaglia quote started playing on repeat in my being. "Love is about continual becoming." Love is about having the people, places, things and ideas in your life that are suitable, appropriate, and proper for the individual you are becoming. In order to become that person, sometimes you have to let certain things go.
Since a soulmate is our destiny and one definition of destiny is "meant to be", as painful as it can be to accept sometimes, sometimes our soulmate comes in the form of someone who leaves us broken so that we can rebuild ourselves into who we were truly meant to be all along.
Just think about it. If a soulmate was only someone we always got along with, never caused us to step out of our comfort zone, and/or face some of the "ugly truths" about ourselves, there's a good chance that our souls would never grow and evolve.
We wouldn't become our best selves because it's not the easy things that mature us; it's the hardest ones that do.
It's kind of like the chick I mentioned in that web series. She always wanted to be a fashion mogul and was offered an internship with a top fashion designer. She needed to leave who she loved in order to become who she was meant to be, while the object of her affection needed to stay behind to get his heart and house in order. Staying together, at least in that season, would've probably proven to be detrimental. However, if she chose her future over an unpredictable relationship, the impact of making that kind of decision would change her life for the better. The sacrifice would've improved the condition of her very soul.
As for my real-life situation, I don't know what the future ultimately holds as it relates to me and my "soulmate". I do get why we need this time apart, though. I need the space to become more of who I was created to be — so does he. At least for now, trying to soul-evolve together would stagnate us.
At the same time, it is because of our time together — and the heartbreak that I experienced — that I am the woman I am now. Someone who can clearly see all of this for what it is. Someone who fully embraces that the journey is just what my soul, my life, needed in order to reach my destiny (and to even write this article).
It might not be the most conventional take on soulmates, but I hope it's one you'll consider. Is there anyone who altered your life in such a way that they ultimately made your soul better, even if it shattered you for a season? It may not be the kind of soulmate you wanted, but it was sho 'nuf the kind that you needed.
You may not see it now, but time will reveal. Give thanks.
Featured image by Getty Images.
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
Photo courtesy
When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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