I’ll tell y’all what — when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart, if there’s one word that, if you happened to poll 20 people at a time, they would probably not agree on its definition, it would have to be the word “soulmate.”
As for me personally, because I tend to be pretty word-literal and I know that soul means “the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body” and “the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect” while mate means “to marry or join in marriage” and also “a fellow member or joint occupant of a specified thing” — I tend to see soulmates as individuals who are connected to our spirits in very profound ways so that our quality of life is enhanced on a truly remarkable level. I also believe that not all soulmates are romantic partners.
I must say, though, that another definition I adore is the Jewish one for soulmate; it’s bashert and it means “destiny” — yep “destiny” in the sense of two people who were predestined to be together. Yeah, that might sound like fairy tales and butterflies on the surface yet if you do a deep dive into Jewish culture and where the word is actually coming from, while it does talk about a soul that is cut into a male and female half and then joined back together, it also speaks of the purpose of a marital soulmate being someone who challenges you to become your truest and highest spiritual self.
Gee, does that sound like someone who makes you happy all of the time? Hmph. Sounds more like soulmates are about being in a mature relationship that will get you to grow in a way that no other relationship on this planet can…or will. Sounds to me like being married to your soulmate is where the big kids play.
That’s just two definitions, though, and, as you’re about to see, there are a myriad of others. For me, it was fun to tackle this article because you’re going to hear how 12 different men define “soulmate” for themselves. My hope is that it will encourage you to give some deep(er) thought into how you see the word for yourself — in hopes that it will encourage you to approach your own relationships from an even bigger (and more spirit-filled) perspective.
*Per usual for me, with these types of articles, middle names have been used, so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kayin. 30. Married for 18 Months.
“Now, this is an interesting question that I don’t think I’ve ever been asked before — which is surprising because my wife has seen every rom-com in the world. Do I think that I’m married to my soulmate? In a practical sense, yes, because she is the woman who I intentionally decided to commit the rest of my life to, have children with, and hopefully prepare for heaven with. In the way that a lot of people see the word, I think my first love was my soulmate because I never experienced love on any kind of life-changing level until her. Who breaks you open and reveals yourself to you, that is what a soulmate is to me.”
2. Garren. 36. In a Serious Relationship.
“Asking men what a soulmate is — now ain’t this a trip? I think that guys only fall in love once or twice in their lifetime, and both of those women are their soulmate. In spite of what a lot of women think, men take love seriously; that’s why we don’t do it very often. But if you’re a woman who can get us to go all in with you, you’ve got a piece of us that we mostly keep hidden, and if that doesn’t make you a soulmate, nothin’ does.”
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3. Osher. 42. Engaged.
“I think your soulmate is a decision: you choose who you want to ‘mate’ your soul with. It might not sound romantic, but that’s how I see it. For men, that’s big because we’re not just out here wanting to give our soul to someone else. The soul is huge. But if we decide, on our own, to share our life with someone, for the rest of our life, we take you very seriously. A soulmate, to me, is a wife.”
4. Everson. 25. Single.
“I’ve only had two men in my life even use the word “soulmate.” One is my grandfather, and he said that his first love, not my grandmother, was his soulmate after my grandmother died. The other is this guy I work with. He sends his wife flowers once a week, and she sends his favorite cookies to work often and whenever he’s ordering them or eating her cookies, he says that he can’t wait to get home to see his soulmate. I’ve never asked the men what they mean; I just always assumed that the woman who impacts your life like no one else is your soulmate.”
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5. Warren. 34. Married for Five Years.
“My soulmate isn’t my wife. People can think however they want to about that. My soulmate prepared me for my wife. Before I got married, there’s no way I would’ve even considered jumping a broom, but when I was around 26, I met a woman who wasn’t like anyone I had ever met. She influenced the way I thought about spirituality, Blackness, travel, sex, manhood — she impacted me in every way. For about eight months, she was a big part of my world, and then…she wasn’t. A few months later, I met my wife. ‘She’ came along to get me where I am now. No one will get me to think something different.”
6. Noah. 40. Dating.
“I think a soulmate is someone you don’t have to settle to have. What I mean is, you don’t have to give up your spiritual growth for your sexual needs or your emotional needs for someone who would be a great mother. Too many people I know, who are married, act like they ended up with a fraction of what they wanted and that it had to be that way. Soulmates are a complete package; that’s why they’re so hard to find. I know two men who are with their soulmate, and one has been with her for almost 20 years. They’re the happiest men I know.”
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7. Robert. 40. Single.
“My best [female] friend is my soulmate. I’ve known this for years. She challenges me. She’s who I trust more than anyone else. She helps me to see things through a woman’s lens in a way that I wouldn’t any other way. I can’t tell you how many times folks have asked us why we’re not married. The sexual attraction just isn’t there, and we’re both okay with that. I’ve never thought that you had to marry your soulmate; I just think they are meant to be in your life forever. We’re a package deal, so if I do get married, my wife will have to deal with that. And before you ask, my friend feels the same way about her future husband. We’ll see.”
8. John. 31. Engaged.
“I’ve had two soulmates: one is my fiancée, and the other is a woman who I had a deep sexual relationship with. My fiancée is my soulmate because I’m at a stage in my life when I want to become a higher version of myself, and I think she will help me get there. The other woman…before her, I only saw sex as ‘sex,’ but she made it a more spiritual experience. I felt very vulnerable, and I wouldn’t have seen sex as an intimate act without her. Women who change your life are soulmates.”
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9. Rorke. 28. Dating.
“If I’m gonna be real, my soulmate terrified me — that’s how I know that she was one. She knew me in a way that no other person ever has. She could read by body language, she knew what I was thinking a lot of the time, and she would cut to the chase when it came to a lot of my bulls-it, only she did it in a way that didn’t feel like she was attacking me more like she could see right through me. And the sex? You know that scene in ‘Boomerang’ when Eddie curled up in his bedspread after Robin left? That was me. Men know when they’ve met their match. Sometimes, we’re just not ready for her. My soulmate and I are friends, but only loosely now. She needs to be my wife or nothing else, and I’m just not ready for that.”
10. Wade. 31. Married for Three Years.
“Based on what you said you think a soulmate is, I don’t get how anyone sees something romantic about it. Seems to me that a soulmate is a lot of work — because if you want to do what’s best for your spirit, that kind of work isn’t easy. I asked my wife what she thinks a soulmate is, and she said it’s someone who you trust and desire above all else. I think it’s someone who you want to be a part of every aspect of your life — and you don’t come across that kind of person but once or twice in a lifetime.
"Whoever sees the depth of you, even the ugly parts, and you want them to stay, and they want to be there, through every season, that’s a soulmate. You won’t meet them often.”
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11. Mavuto. 27. Single.
“I don’t believe in soulmates like there is only one person for you in the world — there are too many people out here for that. I think that different soulmates bring you to different portals in life. One soulmate can help you to live ‘this’ kind of life, and another soulmate can help you to live ‘that’ kind of life. Soulmates are all about thinking about the kind of life you want to live and then selecting who can help you make it happen.”
12. Cian. 51. Married for 19 Years.
“There are friend-mates. There are sex-mates. There are purpose-mates. Then there are soulmates. When you’re ready to take your soul seriously, life will bring you someone who will elevate you in a way that makes you unrecognizable to yourself. My wife is that for me. She’s not the other kinds of mates that I mentioned in the sense of the tightest connection I’ve had with another human in those ways. She knows this. I’m not that for her, either. When you get to where your soul matters most to you, that other stuff matters, but it pales in comparison. Living my life with the one who is invested in my soul? She’s invaluable. Wouldn’t trade her for the world.”
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I’m tellin’ y’all — don’t be out here thinking that social media “hot takes” are all that there is when it comes to learning about men (social media? Not even close). When you get a chance, sit down with some of the guys in your world. Ask them what they think a soulmate is. Their answers just might surprise you…challenge you too.
Just like the word “soulmate” is literally designed to do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'Bel-Air' Actress Jazlyn Martin On Her Ongoing Identity Crisis And Its Influence On Her Creative Journey
Jazlyn Martin is a triple-threat performer known most for her role as Jackie on Peacock’sBel-Air. Her character’s fiery personality and questionable decisions have led to a few shocking moments in the series and quite a bit of convo on social media.
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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From NBC Exec To Full-Time Creative Boss: Imani Ellis Shares The Story Behind CultureCon’s Unstoppable Rise
CultureCon, an idea sparked in founder Imani Ellis’s New York City apartment, began as a gathering of support, networking, and fun for 10 friends. Today, the conference—a must-attend for the who's who creatives in media, marketing, and entertainment—has expanded to draw thousands for panel discussions, brand activations, and even more fun in major cities, including Los Angeles and Atlanta. Past speakers include Tracee Ellis Ross, Chloe x Halle, Issa Rae, Spike Lee, Stacey Abrams, and Kandi Burruss.
This year’s event drew more than 20,000 attendees and boasted names like Cynthia Erivo, Yara Shahidi, and Law Roach. Former First Lady Michelle Obama also made an appearance at an event held during the conference week, where Janelle Monáe was the DJ.
“Never in a million years did I think I would get to this point,” Imani tells xoNecole in an interview. “When I invited 10 friends over to my apartment, I thought that was it. We're gonna do a potluck. But we kept inviting friends and inviting friends, and so to have 10,000 people at CultureCon—it's still blowing my mind.”
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The former NBCUniversal executive, now full-time boss, is also the brains behind The Creative Collective, a global resource and community for Black creatives.
“During the first few years, I was the vice president at NBC, you know, really growing there and that team and I also was trying to build CultureCon. And what I really learned was, you know, you've got to have time management. It's not always going to look the same. So, for a lot of days, there were early days and late nights. Early days really were kind of overlapping. And the entire time, I thought, ‘This is just, kind of, like my community-building part of my life. It just kept growing and growing until finally I realized that I was getting to the next chapter of my life, which was doing CultureCon full time.”
The theme for this year was “CultureCon Goes To Camp,” with the imagery and vibes of a “creative adventure.” Attendees enjoyed talks about “the future of Black business,” how to monetize your social brand, and tapping into your “creative genius,” among other empowering topics.
“I think the fact that there is no limit is so exciting. And so we'll say, ‘Let's make the theme ‘Camp,’ and then 11 months later, we're showing up, and it's actually ‘Camp.’ So to see your ideas in your mind and then collaborate with your friends and see it again in real life, I love that experience. So I'm so excited to see all the places where CultureCon can go. In the past, we've done CultureCon Atlanta, we've done CultureCon in LA. This year, we did the first-ever CultureCon on campus. We took CultureCon to HBCU campuses, so the sky is the limit.”
For more on Imani Ellis and future CultureCon events, follow on IG @CultureCon or CultureCon.com.
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