Jayson Aaron is, in his own words, a philosopher with a fly exterior. Speaking of words, the model/creative also a man of many. So much so, that it turns our original half-hour interview into a conversation between friends that lasts just shy of 60 minutes.
But perhaps more importantly, Jayson Aaron is a man who's in the business of making his dreams—even the most audacious ones—a reality. "We only have a limited amount of time and if you're not living out your dreams, you're dying," he tells xoNecole. "That's just how I feel."
It's just over 30 minutes past the hour on a busy Friday morning and he pauses to apologize for the loud ambulance sirens that so rudely interrupt our lengthy yet lesson-filled chat. Those sirens become increasingly ironic considering the subject matter of the tale he begins to recount a few moments after. A home invasion, a gunshot to the chest, and an out-of-body experience that quite frankly sounds like a scene straight out of a sci-fi thriller. A moment, so unlike any he'd ever experienced before, that would not only reshape his outlook on death but on life as well.
And now, trying to coexist between two contrasting realities: earthly stress and ethereal tranquility, Aaron has shed his old man and picked up the mantle of this new one with one main goal in mind: to live life on his own terms and keep his inner peace. A peace that's perhaps above and beyond any he'd ever known, but one that he knows is possible to achieve. "I think that my journey, what it taught me and the trajectory that it sent me on was that I knew that if I would be here, there's a certain level of peace that I can obtain and that it just might be possible in this dimension," the L.A. native explains. "And so because of that: my decisions mean more to me now, my time is more valuable to me now. I can't just waste it."
xoNecole recently got the chance to talk all things life and love from Jayson's vantage point and here's what we saw:
I define myself as…
"...A philosopher in the realm of entertainment and fashion. What I studied in school was philosophy. My head was always in a book and I'm always listening to some form of inspirational audio, whether it be an audiobook, an interview, or a person whose words I admire. That comprises about 50 percent of my day and I think that's also the part that people don't know about me. How cerebral I am, which then influences all the art that I make."
The moment that changed everything taught me…
"...That rock bottom is the trampoline. And the reason why I say that is because oftentimes, it takes people to fall on their faces, not necessarily to get inspired because nobody wants to hit rock bottom, but what actually ends up happening is, you find out exactly what you don't want. And the best thing that anybody could do in their life is to make a new decision. From that point on, we have the opportunity to be able to decide exactly what we do want and how to use that negative energy, if you will, as fuel to get to the positive side."
Courtesy of Jayson Aaron
"The best thing that anybody could do in their life is to make a new decision. From that point on, we have the opportunity to be able to decide exactly what we do want and how to use that negative energy, if you will, as fuel to get to the positive side."
Life after "death" has led me…
"...On a journey of releasing my trauma through various ways in different modalities. I think that everything that we want is on the other side of our fears and it taught me that our emotions are what set the patterns for life, whether it be bad or good. It's the emotions that are oftentimes trapped in our body and causing us to be tense, and it's our emotions that we should release in order to live a proper, good, healthy, mentally healthy lifestyle. That moment made me more self-aware and that's the key to life."
Practicing self-awareness and my spirituality has made me...
"...Study myself a lot and what I found was that every effect has a cause. So if I were to feel a way about something, especially in an extreme way, you know, that's an effect caused by something-- probably a thought. So I've learned to trace that effect back and go back within my body, go back within my mind, to see exactly what it is. And it's usually a form of trauma that happened; I felt some type of way about it and I suppressed it instead of expressing it.
"But I've learned to stop placing my triggers on other people and address those things within myself and I think taking that stance on life has helped me grow and blossom into a new person. People trust me more because I trust myself more. I realized we're all reflections of each other, so I can't do anything to you that I'm really truly not doing to myself."
"I've learned to trace that effect back and go back within my body, go back within my mind, to see exactly what it is. And it's usually a form of trauma that happened; I felt some type of way about it and I suppressed it instead of expressing it."
Doing the self-work prior to my relationship allows me to…
"...Find my happiness again and that has nothing to do with anyone else because nobody else could give you that. I had to find that within myself, but because I'm here today [and] because I'm in a relationship, I'm able to profess that and I have that confidence. I have that glow. My eyes are brighter and my smile is bigger. So I attribute that to the relationship because I can now deal with and express myself within. It's all good things. I'm in love and I'm in love with life."
Being courageous in love means that…
"Essentially how you treat or view your woman is a large part of how you feel about the Universe. So, if I can openly love, in general, and if I can show love without fear to a woman, what that truly means is that I'm an open man in general. I have the confidence to go out into the world and know that what I want to make happen, can happen. So, in saying that, the most courageous thing a man could do is open his heart; one of the biggest complaints that I've gotten over the course of all my relationships, was how ice cold I am, how closed off my heart is.
"And again, going back into the conversation about processing trauma, how can you open your heart if you feel that the world is against you? Or you don't feel safe walking down the street? So, in that moment, yeah I'm professing my love for my girl, but at the same time, what I'm really doing is professing my love for the Universe. I'm saying that I'm open to receive all the blessings I deserve in life and because I get to share the experience with someone who I'm in a relationship with, they get to share in those blessings too."
"How you treat or view your woman is a large part of how you feel about the Universe. So, if I can openly love, in general, and if I can show love without fear to a woman, what that truly means is that I'm an open man in general. I have the confidence to go out into the world and know that what I want to make happen, can happen. In saying that, the most courageous thing a man could do is open his heart."
Finding my soulmate...
"...Is what I consider a purpose-mate. A purpose-mate is someone who has the same outlook on life as you and someone who is trying to make the same impact on the world as you are. As a person, you're strong; but as a unit, you're stronger. Behind every great man is a great woman; behind every great woman is a great man. I think that when you have a big dream, you need somebody who has a bigger capacity to hold that dream and there's only a handful of people who might be able to share in that.
"I do believe in love at first sight and before I thought I experienced it in the past. But when you're around the right person, there's a relaxation, which is something that I pay attention to because that means you're both on the same frequency. I'm tenacious about getting better and improving myself and getting out of my own fears. So I had to be with someone who I consider to be a purpose-mate."
Intimacy between partners should...
"...Provide a sense of security, emotional security, which is something that's invaluable. Everybody has different love languages so it should be expressed in different ways but I think being present, paying attention, [and] listening are all forms of intimacy that can't be replaced. Yeah, you can have sex but if you're just doing it for the action of it, then there's no substance. Everything that I do has to have substance, so being present in that space, in that touch, in that eye contact, in that conversation, in that hug, all those things mean more. Intimacy is the same as watering a plant; you have to be present, you have to love on it in whatever way is needed and do it consistently, and it can't be reactive, it has to be proactive."
"Everything that I do has to have substance, so being present in that space, in that touch, in that eye contact, in that conversation, in that hug, all those things mean more. Intimacy is the same as watering a plant; you have to be present, you have to love on it in whatever way is needed and do it consistently, and it can't be reactive, it has to be proactive."
What I know now about love is that…
"...There could be no way that I could properly love anyone else if I don't know what it means to love myself. So now, as I've grown, my experiences and viewpoints have grown. My outlook on women has changed. Before I was only looking at the outer shell of a woman, I was only looking at what I could get from her; that was the mentality I had and the mindset I operated from. But as I elevated my mind and how I treated myself, my version of love has changed, my version of love is an action that is designed to help increase the happiness of the other person.
"If I can be around you long enough, I'm going to get you to love yourself a little more and blossom more than you've ever blossomed before. My version of love is to help you see a greater perspective of what love is."
Courtesy of Jayson Aaron
"As I've grown, my experiences and viewpoints have grown. My outlook on women has changed. Before I was only looking at the outer shell of a woman, I was only looking at what I could get from her; that was the mentality I had and the mindset I operated from. But as I elevated my mind and how I treated myself, my version of love has changed, my version of love is an action that is designed to help increase the happiness of the other person."
What I know now about myself is...
"...That underneath all the things that I let go, I realized how loving I could be, how confident I could be; how far I could take my life. I realized all the things that I could touch. You know, I was surprised that I lived after getting shot. So now, I'm jumping higher than I've ever jumped before. I'm taking off limits, I'm doing things that I never thought were possible because my faith is strengthened. I have a deeper sense of faith in the Universe, in God, in myself and now life has gotten more fun. It took a while to get here, a lot of self-work and re-wiring of my brain but, now that I see life differently, I'm able to be happier in living it.
Want more of Jayson? Make sure to follow him on Instagram to keep up with him.
Featured image courtesy of Jayson Aaron.
- Ceylon Creators Series, Vol. 1 feat. Jayson Aaron - YouTube ›
- jayson aaron | Tumblr ›
- Jason Aaron - Wikipedia ›
- Jayson Aaron | IMVDb ›
- Jayson Aaron Profiles | Facebook ›
- Jayson Aaron - IMDb ›
- j a y s o n (@_JaysonAaron) | Twitter ›
- Breaking Borders & Barriers: Meet Jayson Aaron - Travel Noire ›
- Artist Jayson Aaron Nearly Died And Found A Path ›
- Jayson Aaron (@jayson.aaron) • Instagram photos and videos ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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