Everyone has something to say about 25-year-old Lori Harvey these days, and I’m sure for many more days to come. Right now, the particular topic of conversation is her recent breakup with her boyfriend of over a year Michael B. Jordan. A source told PEOPLE exclusively that though the couple was no longer together, they both "still love each other." Of course, this news spread across the social media landscape like wildfire with many people feeling a way about how Lori moves in her romantic relationships.
But that’s neither here nor there, at least not where it concerns Michael B. Jordan – today’s focus is Lori Harvey because there truly should be no conversation but because she’s Black and a woman she’s met with misogynistic/misogynoir critique regarding her dating pool.
The definition of dating is to go out with someone who we are romantically interested in, you don’t do this lightly and you damn sure don’t do it in small numbers because dating is a numbers game, especially for women who outnumber men in this world leaving them with fewer viable options (for whatever reason).
Before you say she was exclusive with these men, I want to point out that Lori Harvey has rarely come out and confirmed allegations that she is exclusively with any of these men – it’s the public that ships her with every man she takes a picture with. When in reality my girl could just be on her Diddy-shit, “having fun” with some fun company without commitment.
Though well-meaning, those who have defended her often use her age as a defense stating that this is how she should be dating at that age and I think this still does a disservice to her. Arguably, we should all be dating like Lori Harvey so long as we’re single and in search of a life partner. Qualifying her dating habits based on her age implies that there is a cutoff and respectability in dating in a more socially acceptable manner after reaching a certain age. And furthermore, she doesn’t need a qualifier to date around! She deserves to just exist in her search for whatever it is that she’s searching for.
Lori Harvey dates with purpose and this is something that so many of us lack, both men and women, but especially women because we constantly are asked to settle so as not to seem whorish. When in reality 1) we’re all grown 2) dating doesn’t equate to fucking every person you date. Women, more than anyone, need to make every effort to see what’s out there every step of the way and get as comfortable with Ms. Harvey – walking away soon as people no longer serve her long-term goal.
We need more comfortability around the idea that dating is an interview process for the bigger picture. I’ll never forget me worrying endlessly if a man was into me or found me boring, worthy, or whatever was going through my mind at that time. A friend gently said over the phone, “Stop worrying so much about if he likes you and ask yourself if you actually like him. Treat it like a first-round interview.”
People who are naysayers of Lori Harvey are people that hate women, particularly those with the will to choose-up, rather than settling on the decent dick and a few good dates. Hell, I don’t care if the dick is fire af – women should be free to create and operate by a dating system that they deem preferable in peace, just the same as men.
And if we’re ever to really come by happily ever after, I see this being the only way – truly learning to grant women the autonomy that they’re entitled to.
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