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This TikToker Explains Why An 'Upcycled' Husband Is The Wave If You Want To Get Married In Your 30s
Single woman here! So, I spend a lot of time thinking about dating. And these days, I mean that quite literally. But I will say that I’ve been thinking about it and thinking about strategy for when I’m back out there. Hello! Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And I’m tired of throwing Stouffer’s spaghetti at the wall when I’m trying to make some shit straight out of Italy.
So, of course, the TikTok algorithm did what it does best and put me in the way of TikToker, Marshana Spavento, and the concept of an “upcycled” husband. She met (on Bumble, for the modern girlies) her husband at 37 and married him when she was 38, which some might look at as moving too fast, but it is also what people mean when they say “when men know – they know.”
Yes, I know we skipped a few beats here, going from dating to marriage, but just stay with me. Spavento talks not only about how, for women in their thirties looking to get married, an upcycled husband is the wave you want to ride. But, what’s more, she offers some helpful tips on how to get there based on her personal journey – dating intentionally, centering self-improvement, and not adhering to conversations about going dutch if what you desire is a “provider-type.”
What Is an Upcycled Husband?
@marshanadahlia Visit TikTok to discover videos!
According to Spavento, an “upcycled” husband can be defined as the following:
- Been a divorcee for anywhere from two to four years.
- Holds himself accountable for his role in the divorce.
- Doesn’t badmouth his ex-wife. He’s not scorned.
- He wants to get out there again and do things better. He’s learned, and he’s willing.
What Is a Recycled Husband?
Alternatively, she defines a “recycled” husband as the following:
- Married a handful of times.
- Continue making the same mistakes.
- May talk negatively about their ex or may have even lost custody of their children.
- Bitter, angry, etc, are signature traits.
- They’re willing to remarry but at your expense.
What Is a Downcycled Husband?
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Lastly, there’s the “downcycled” husband who will essentially marry you just to throw you a bone. They’re not typically provider types but more often the 50-50 type. Sent straight from hell to ruin you – so run, girl! As the TikTok suggests, he’s not worth talking about, but the last thing to note is he’s very likely “homeless and only, probably, with you because he needs a place to stay.”
But the husband starts with you, friend (I’m talking to myself, too). Her entire page is dedicated to all the ways in which you can intentionally date. In fact, she more recently discusses how the “lottery method” in dating isn’t something she likes and how she did the work to get all that she has.
I’m going to share the intentional mindset shifts that stood out most to me are the ways in which you must show up for yourself, first!
1. Do the (Healing) Work
Spavento highly recommends going to therapy in order to work on yourself. As you’ll know, therapy is not simply for deeply traumatized people. My favorite thing to mention to people is what’s known as little ‘t’ trauma versus big ‘t’ trauma. Trauma is subjective, and the load carried doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some trauma is not as glaring to our subconscious, much less to the external world.
What I’m trying to say is don’t denounce therapy because your trauma isn’t more on the opposite spectrum. Go for the little shit because a million little things are just as heavy as one big thing or traumatic event.
2. Invest in Elevated Hobbies
This one is my favorite and something I’ve been trying to expand my bandwidth to include, anyway. I have a girlfriend who wakes up on Saturdays to go to a floral arranging class, and that’s when it hit me that we’re at that age! Truthfully, I love that these types of activities are being integrated in addition to brunch because going all in for a drunken brunch can get exhausting. Nevertheless, this is a great example of an elevated hobby.
While your hobbies shouldn’t center on finding a man, you do want to ensure your hobbies bring value to the lifestyle that you desire.
Learning how to arrange flowers is a great skill for hosting dinner parties and creating a loved living space. Not only are those things that center our feminine energy, but they attract the type of man who desires a homemaking wife.
Spavento highly recommends this, and both before and after meeting her husband continues to do things such as learn secondary languages. She speaks very highly of the benefits of picking up a second language. And, honestly, anyone with eyes can see the benefits as well. I mean, think of all the ways it elevates your career. Now, imagine how it can contribute to your everyday life. Worldly and well-traveled are skills that are valuable to both yourself and a high-value man.
3. Remember, Omission is Your Bestie
Take this with a grain of salt. But, essentially, you shouldn’t share how men in the past have wronged you. While this isn’t new advice, I really enjoyed the reframes that she offers in her video “Do NOT Lead With Your Pain.” As a single mother to a one-year-old, I curiously asked her what she would suggest saying since it’s very obvious that there’s clearly a story there. My good sis suggested telling men, “[The] relationship didn’t work due to wanting different things from life and his deeply personal issues, but you wish him the best.”
The reason it’s best to abstain from divulging these details has a lot to do with the unfortunate way that people will use these as a benchmark for how to treat you.
I’m going to use myself again here, but I often see the rhetoric from men that it’s ridiculous that a woman would have a trash baby’s father and then demand more from the next man. And, very often, they express that they’re uninterested in stepping up to be better for a woman that they essentially have written off due to her previously poor decisions and the decreased value after being shitted on by another man. But I guarantee that they’d still date her. And, in this scenario, it’s theorized that they would care for her based on the care they perceive she’s deserving of.
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Candice Adowole and Etiquette Lessons
Now, Spavento took etiquette lessons in Switzerland, but she is certainly aware of the investment and privilege that’s required to do such a thing. In that regard, she challenges you to invest in yourself and do a little searching to find something local or seek out tips online.
She also counters the “independent woman” culture with Candice Adewole’s Feminine Renaissance University, which is an online course. Alternatively, Adewole has inexpensive books and provides a condensed version of her teachings. The three books that she recommends are 1) A Black Girl’s Guide to Being Blissfully Feminine, 2) A Girl’s Guide to Being a Lady in Waiting, and 3) The Black Girl’s Guide to Living, Loving, and Traveling Abroad.
For all the talk about a soft life and such, it’s not discussed enough how, for Black women, leading a soft life is a learned behavior. That unwavering independence must be reworked to allow us to be vulnerable and so many other things. Otherwise, it’s rather challenging to attract a man who can also provide us with a soft life – the upcycled husband that we all deserve. I think that the fastest way to a soft life is to immerse yourself in soft life behaviors that include being well-rounded, well-read, and well-traveled.
And ultimately, as she reminds us, there’s no downside to elevating yourself. The worst thing that could happen from any of this is you come out on the other side better, and who doesn’t want that?
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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