

Black Girl's Healing House Founder Schools Us On The Soft Life
The strong Black woman trope has had us in a chokehold for years but a new movement has been overtaking our social media feeds as the cure, the soft life. Since the soft life has become a trending topic, there have been many misconceptions about the term and what it truly means to live softly. The founder of Black Girl's Healing House, Delilah Antionette, promotes this innovative way of thinking in her popular Facebook group and even sees it as a form of wellness.
If you are wanting to manifest a soft life in 2023, Delilah has the perfect tips for you. xoNecole spoke with the wellness entrepreneur about being a Black woman in the holistic space, creating a platform for Black women to feel seen, and how you can join the soft life.
xoNecole: Tell us a little about yourself and how Black Girl’s Healing House started.
Delilah Antionette: I started my healing journey a few years ago after I graduated from college. I was struggling with anxiety and depression and finding mental healthcare was difficult for me. I ran into challenges such as affordability and cultural competency so I turned to holistic wellness. I got into crystals, the chakra system, yoga, self-development, and astrology.
But, I found that in the wellness industry, there were not many representations of me. I would often be the only Black girl in class, I would get awkward looks and racially profiled. I didn’t necessarily feel safe in these healing spaces.
I hoped that I could also find a community while I was on this journey but there weren’t any there yet so I created Black Girl’s Healing House-- the Facebook group.
Within years we’ve grown to over 60,000 Black women around the world who are also on this journey of healing.
xoN: 'Soft life' has been a buzzword in 2022 but there have been many misconceptions about it such as it is seen as a luxury and not a necessity. What is a soft life and what isn’t a soft life?
DA: I see this argument a lot in our community and some would define it as luxury and femininity, and others just do not understand the need for Black women to be soft. I am so for the soft life. I do not wish to ever struggle or get things [muddy.] It’s exhausting.
For me, when I think of the soft life I think of healing. I think about letting go of the version of myself that I created for my survival. And oftentimes when we’ve been through trauma we create tough exteriors to protect us from getting hurt again. I want to be able to be more vulnerable yet have healthy boundaries, I want to have strong bonds with people and I want to be kinder to myself. I want to experience all of the little luxuries that life has to offer and I feel that I can achieve this through softness.
I believe that working towards a soft life is generationally healing. The women in my family could never experience softness and I hate that. I want my children to have that privilege so that they can experience the highest level of their potential.
"When I think of soft life I think of healing. I think about letting go of the version of myself that I created for my survival."
xoN: How does the soft life relate to wellness?
DA: Soft life promotes a healthier way of being. Soft life teaches you to slow down and ground yourself. You learn to stop prioritizing hustling and start prioritizing flow state which can be achieved through self-care. And again healing plays a major role in your ability to have a soft life.
xoN: What are five ways Black women can manifest a soft life in 2023?
DA: Starting therapy. Self-care. Movement, such as yoga or Pilates. Joining a supportive community. Getting [in tune] with your intuition.
xoN: What does Black Girl’s Healing House have in store for 2023?
DA: Black Girl’s Healing House is working on building our directory of Black female holistic wellness professionals for our community. While admiring our Facebook group, I saw that our members were always in search of holistic therapists, Black girl-friendly yoga classes, and wellness spas and I was so lucky to meet so many healers in our community. So I created a platform where Black women can find culturally competent holistic care.
On our website blackgirlshealinghouse.com you would be able to search for mental health professionals, doulas and midwives, dermatologists, spas, and fitness classes in your local area.
For more of Delilah on Facebook and Instagram @blackgirlshealinghouse.
Feature image courtesy of Delilah Antionette
London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood