7 Signs He’s Only Around Because It’s Cuffing Season
It's that familiar time of the year again where women everywhere are overdosing on anything pumpkin spice, pulling out the riding boots and infinity scarves, and wondering who they are going to spend their crisp, cool nights laid up under while watching the new season of How to Get Away With Murder.
You guessed it: it's cuffing season.
For some, cuffing season brings the comfort that their mate will be trading time-lapsed texts and weekend disappearing acts for “good morning" texts and #WCE dedications. For others, cuffing season will serve as a reminder that their side-chick status is in full effect since their baes for the summer will be off fulfilling hayride, apple picking, and holiday party duties with wifey.
Cuffing season doesn't always have to be a bad thing. In fact, it's what some couples need to make them realize that they want to settle down with the same person they spent the whole summer turning up with. Unfortunately for some, cuffing season is only about the convenience of having more than a cup of warm cocoa to go home to when it's cold out.
Can't quite tell if he's there to stay or there for a lay? Here are a few signs that he's only hibernating with you for the winter to keep warm and will be soon be springing forward to the first girl who breaks out the booty shorts:
1) He's living out of his gym bag.
Although you routinely do his laundry and have given up your pretty panties drawer for him, he still continues to get dressed each day out of his Nike duffel. It's a clear sign that when the weather hits 75 again or you bring up the “What Are We?" talk he will grab his stuff and sprint for the door without worrying about you bleaching his clothes or taking his phone and locking yourself in the bathroom.
2) He's on his best behavior as soon as Daylight Savings goes down.
That same guy who told you he had to “cop that foreign" during his spring break trip to Punta Cana is coincidentally in your inbox talking about he “fumbled your heart" now that the clocks are turning back. If you can schedule his disrespect on a Google calendar, he might only be into cuffing season for the warm, fuzzy feelings it brings, and not because he actually is into you.
3) The deepest discussions you have are about Drake lyrics or how he swears he can feel your IUD.
Does he know about your gluten-allergy? Your Rihanna standom? Your zodiac sign? Anything besides the fact that it drives you crazy when he flexes his pecs? When Netflix is stale and the weather breaks, you're going need more than that yoga pose you can hit in bed to keep homeboy interested, and you might want to see if he's actually worth your attention. The last thing you want is to spend an entire season laid up with someone who thinks Barack Obama is a first-round NBA draft pick.
4) Your BFF's ex-boyfriend's barber that you hooked up with twice early last year? He just liked 74 of your 120 Instagram pics.
Every time my Instagram notifications lists 20 likes from the dude who didn't want to kick it with me in high school but is suddenly making heart-eye emojis at on my summer vacay pics, a little piece of me loses faith in mankind, especially when all his status updates are about kicking his baby mama to the curb. I'm good; no need to be hype on my social profiles because you need a cuddle buddy.
5) He had a lot of time to think about how you both can make this work…while waiting for the bus.
It saddens me that there are men out here who are only wifing up chicks to escape The Polar Vortex, but it happens. People fall on hard times and that's OK, but if he was perfectly fine pimpin' on public transportation when the weather was warm, he shouldn't be using you as his very own Uber when the forecast calls for snow.
A good example of this is singer The Weekend. In his recent New York Times profile, he admitted that when he was broke and needed a place to stay, he would tell a girl he loved her. ''There was, like, three girls that thought legit that I was their boyfriend."
6) He picks a fight before every holiday.
It's a week before Thanksgiving and he texts in you all caps about how your Yorkie just went Twilight on his Lebron 12's so obviously he needs some time apart. You invite him to your office holiday party and fifteen minutes later he's yelling he isn't good enough for you because you just made assistant manager and he works part-time at the post office.
WTF just happened? He started an argument for no damn reason is what happened. It's because cuffing season for him isn't really about really about fulfilling any kind of boyfriend obligations outside of the bedroom. He doesn't want to go pumpkin picking. He doesn't want to kiss under the mistletoe. He just wants to make sure you have your calendar cleared to lay up under him at his discretion.
7) He's asking way too many questions about your tax return or student refund.
Does dude only get excited when you're planning that cruise you're going to take this spring or that truck you're going to lease this fall…after you get your direct deposit? It might be because he's more interested in cuffing your checking account than the person who's actually maintaining the bank balance. Any man who has been half-assing the relationship all year but has a wish list for you come tax time is not worth sharing your Netflix password. You might want to re-think being cuffed by anyone who seems more interested in your check stub than you.
In conclusion, before you invite him to "Netflix and Chill," make sure that he's not planning to just leave you out in the cold. Trust me, nursing a warm blanket will be better than nursing a broken heart.
Did I miss anything? Let us know some other signs that he's just not that into you!
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by courtesy