Mo’Nique Opens Up About Leaving The 'Independent Woman' Narrative Behind In Her Marriage
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Mo’Nique Opens Up About Leaving The 'Independent Woman' Narrative Behind In Her Marriage

There has been an ongoing conversation on social media around the term “independent woman.” While it once was a badge of honor to call yourself an independent woman, who else was singing I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T at the functions? Many women are now slamming that narrative. Just recently, our girl Ciara received massive backlash online following the release of her song "For Da Girls" because she was seemingly praising women “who don’t need no man,” and some social media users thought the song's message could be seen as a contradiction because she is happily married to Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson.

Although Ciara didn't publicly address the flak, the topic of traditional values in marriage became front and center again when Mo'Nique shared her thoughts on how the concept of an independent woman could cause a struggle in the power dynamic of one's relationship and why she felt it wasn't suitable for her union with Sidney Hicks.

The veteran comedian has been married to Hicks since 2006, and the couple shares two children: twins David and Johnathon Hicks. In an interview with Vulture, Mo'Nique, who was promoting her new Netflix comedy special My Name is Monique, revealed the factors that led to her decision stemmed from the effects she "witnessed" in her parents' relationship and her own with Hicks.

Mo'Nique On The Independent Woman Concept And Its Effects

The 55-year-old told the publication that growing up, she would see her mother --while juggling a job and other household duties-- cook regularly to ensure that her father had something to eat when he came home from work and iron his clothes.

But as Mo’Nique would describe, things quickly became a "competition" in the pair's relationship after deciding that they would "do the same thing" because they were both working individuals.

"There was a time when we were coming up … My mother made sure dinner was on the table Monday through Thursday, 6 p.m. My father never went without an ironed shirt. It was just things that I watched my mother do, and both of my parents worked. Then we went through this era of, 'Well if I work like you working, you could do the same thing I can do.' Then it became a struggle, and it became a competition in the household. I was a part of that. That's what I knew. That's what I witnessed," she said.

Further in the conversation, Mo'Nique disclosed that as she became an adult and started watching television programs like The Oprah Winfrey Show, she often heard messages of "independence and empowerment," especially for women, so much so she incorporated that into life.

Despite being influential and financially well-off, The Parkers star added that the downfall of that message was that it could be an incredibly lonely experience.

"When I started watching Oprah Winfrey … Oprah never said these words, let me be clear. Oprah Winfrey never said, 'You don't need a man.' We watched her action. We watched her talk about independence and empowerment," Monique explained. "We watched that, and we followed that. If that's what the most powerful Black woman is doing in this country, then that's what we should be doing, too. We got involved in it, and we watched it, and we followed it, and then a lot of us found ourselves very lonely. We had all the power, we had all the money, but we went to bed very lonely."

Mo'Nique On Her Marriage to Sidney Hicks

After pondering about the life she wanted for herself and Hicks in the future, Mo'Nique expressed she happily allowed her husband to take the lead because she knew her place and how beneficial both parties were to the union.

"So, I had to say to myself, I want something different. When I'm 80 years old, I want to sit on the porch and hold hands, and rock back and forth in a rocking chair, and watch our great-grandbabies play. That's the happy place for me, in knowing my place. I don't have to pee standing up. I can sit down like a lady should. If there's a strange sound in the house in the middle of the night, I don't have to jump up and take a flashlight. I have a man that does that. When we pull up somewhere, I don't open up my car door. I have a man to do that," the Precious star explained.

Although Mo'Nique admitted that she did struggle to relinquish the ideas that came along with being an independent woman because it was ingrained in her life at a young age, all that changed was when she found her "true love" with Hicks.

She wrapped up her sentiments by saying many could experience that shift once they, too, are with a partner they love.

While this concept around the independent woman may continue to spark debates, it's always best to just do what suits you and your relationship.

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Feature image by @therealmoworldwide/ Instagram


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