Adrienne Bailon Says She's Got Her Own: Should Your Man Back You Financially?
Women are very serious when it comes to their men and their money, but rarely do we discuss the intersection between the two. Black women are kicking ass and taking names in their respective professional spaces, and after years of battling discrimination in the economic world, have pioneered financial security. This fact creates the culture of women who take pride in having their own sh*t, shattering the traditional ideology that only the man can be the breadwinner, because he's the one who wears the pants. Millennial women like Adrienne Bailon say, f*ck your pants. She'll buy her own.
In a recent episode of The Real, the talk show host discussed her disposition toward asking her man for money, saying that even if she felt like she was entitled, she would not ask her partner for financial help.
"At the end of the day, this is just me. I'm super prideful. Like, I would never ask a man for money. It's just me. I'm weird like that, I think my mom raised me like extreme 'have your own, don't ever depend on a man for money,' I was raised that way. And it's something about my pride that if a man kicked me to the curb, I would be damned going back and begging him for some money. I would literally just be like, you know what? Good riddance. Get out my life. I'll start over, God will bless me tenfold for what you did to me wrong. I will get it back and I'll be just fine."
As women of color, we are taught to be tough and independent despite a man being there to help, even if it was his responsibility and even if we are owed. Millennial women are in their bags, and due to the widespread advocacy of equal pay, will no longer need the financial support that our mothers and grandmothers required from their partners.
This 'she got her own' mentality leads me to question, should my man have my back financially? Of course, I have my own money, but if something were to happen or I were to need help, should I be able to call on my partner?
We work hard. We secure the bag. And we find the energy to lend our physical and emotional support to the ones that we love, and rarely expect anything in return. This superwoman complex that shows up in so many different facets of our life can be crippling and debilitating, especially if we are seeking to establish a sense of generational wealth.
Sometimes we have to realize, we can't do it all by ourselves.
Balance is most important, and you don't have to do everything. If you are in a long-term relationship with a partner that you feel too prideful to call when you need support, then why exactly is he your partner? As women we have to start checking ourselves when it comes to the expectations we have for the ones we love when we consider what we have to offer.
The pride that Adrienne Bailon describes is the feeling of vulnerability that we as women are all faced with. Never wanting to succumb to asking a man for anything, because when and if he declines, we feel powerless and weak for even seeking his help in the first place because we should have been able to do it on our own, damn it.
If you stay in your bag, you'll never do without.
But if you know when to ask for support, you can establish a financial support system where your children won't have to ask either. We have to stop running ourselves dry because of our pride and the theory that we have to do it all by ourselves, all the damn time.
What do you think? Should your man have your back financially?
Featured image via Adrienne Houghton/Instagram
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It Girl In Motion: Paige Shari Addison Shows Us Why She's The Hostess With The Mostess
Paige Shari Addison is the epitome of an ItGirl, which is why she is one of 100 ladies on xoNecole's inaugural ItGirl 100 list in partnership with Hyundai. Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, Paige started her journey as a host in high school by hosting parties. Since then, she has made a career in hosting, from parties to big-name events, and she launched Strictly RNB, a platform for new artists and R&B lovers. Paige reflects on her creative path in the limited video series "ItGirl in Motion."
“My first curated event at Criminal Records was incredible. It was all for up-and-coming artists,” she says. “I needed a platform for us as a collective to be able to give ourselves the platform instead of asking for it, instead of looking for it. I was like, I want to make sure I let people get this experience that I would give as a performer but enjoy the experience with them. It was a dream come true.”
The Atlanta native also has her own line of acai bowls called Soulfull Bowls. She started it during the pandemic after events and parties shut down. But it was her love for eating acai bowls and the reactions others had to them that made her want to make it her next business move. Being open to creating new ventures in the midst of uncertainty is a bold move and one of the reasons why Paige has the “it” factor.
“Being an ItGirl means you’re just authentic. There’s an air to us. We have confidence that exudes from the way we speak, the way we put our lip gloss on, the way we walk, the way we talk. I show up as myself everytime I walk into a room. I’m hospitable, I make sure everybody’s good,” she says.
Get to know more about the hostess with the mostess in the video above.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of Paige and our partnership with Hyundai.
Director: Mikkoh @mikkoh
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Audio Mixer: Victor Chavez @vic_the__
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