Women are very serious when it comes to their men and their money, but rarely do we discuss the intersection between the two. Black women are kicking ass and taking names in their respective professional spaces, and after years of battling discrimination in the economic world, have pioneered financial security.
This fact creates the culture of women who take pride in having their own sh*t, shattering the traditional ideology that only the man can be the breadwinner, because he's the one who wears the pants. Millennial women like Adrienne Bailon say, f*ck your pants. She'll buy her own.
In a recent episode of The Real, the talk show host discussed her disposition toward asking her man for money, saying that even if she felt like she was entitled, she would not ask her partner for financial help.
"At the end of the day, this is just me. I'm super prideful. Like, I would never ask a man for money. It's just me. I'm weird like that, I think my mom raised me like extreme 'have your own, don't ever depend on a man for money,' I was raised that way. And it's something about my pride that if a man kicked me to the curb, I would be damned going back and begging him for some money. I would literally just be like, you know what? Good riddance. Get out my life. I'll start over, God will bless me tenfold for what you did to me wrong. I will get it back and I'll be just fine."
As women of color, we are taught to be tough and independent despite a man being there to help, even if it was his responsibility and even if we are owed. Millennial women are in their bags, and due to the widespread advocacy of equal pay, will no longer need the financial support that our mothers and grandmothers required from their partners.
This 'she got her own' mentality leads me to question, should my man have my back financially?
Of course I have my own money, but if something were to happen or I were to need help, should I be able to call on my partner?
We work hard. We secure the bag. And we find the energy to lend our physical and emotional support to the ones that we love, and rarely expect anything in return. This superwoman complex that shows up in so many different facets of our life can be crippling and debilitating, especially if we are seeking to establish a sense of generational wealth.
Sometimes we have to realize, we can't do it all by ourselves.
Balance is most important, and you don't have to do everything. If you are in a long-term relationship with a partner that you feel too prideful to call when you need support, then why exactly is he your partner? As women we have to start checking ourselves when it comes to the expectations we have for the ones we love when we consider what we have to offer.
The pride that Adrienne Bailon describes is the feeling of vulnerability that we as women are all faced with. Never wanting to succumb to asking a man for anything, because when and if he declines, we feel powerless and weak for even seeking his help in the first place because we should have been able to do it on our own, damn it.
If you stay in your bag, you'll never do without.
But if you know when to ask for support, you can establish a financial support system where your children won't have to ask either. We have to stop running ourselves dry because of our pride and the theory that we have to do it all by ourselves, all the damn time.
What do you think? Should your man have your back financially?