Tracee Ellis Ross is known for her quick wit, affable personality, and impeccable style as the co-star of the television mega-hit Black-ish. But what I love most about her, is her willingness to be outspoken on topics most important to her. The three-time Emmy nominated actress spoke withInStyle Magazine and dropped some major financial advice that anyone can use.
To me, one of the nastiest four-letter words is "debt"—it grabs ahold of you, and seems to to let go. From student loans to credit card bills and mortgages, debt is a part of life. And if we don't spend "smart", our financial woes will continue to pull us down. Ross says that learning this tip was her key to financial freedom:
"Spending smart is part of my motto in life...I believe that you can feel extraordinary in your life without spending tons of money. I'm a really strong advocate for living within your means and not trying to keep up with the Joneses, because then you don't have debt."
Additionally, Ross touched on the importance of establishing credit as an a rite of passage into the world of "financial maturity".
DFree / Shutterstock.com
You can't get credit without already having credit, and although it makes sense to only spend within your means, it is also important to establish your credit history early-on. That way, when you are ready to make bigger investments (like a car or home loan), you've proven that you are, in fact, credit-worthy. She shared:
"Part of learning how to be responsible with your money does require getting a credit card. If you just work with the cash that you have in your pocket, it's easier to know when that cash is done. Same with a checking account. People don't write checks anymore, but I do! Still, credit cards are really important in terms of financial maturity. I remember when I got my first credit card in college—I still have some of the credit cards from back then, actually—and I really gained an understanding of how it works. That's been important in my financial literacy as an adult."
The NAACP Image Award winner also gave some great advice when it comes to our ability to negotiate. As women, we've been pigeonholed into presumably not having this important skill, but Ross says if you know what you're worth, you need to speak on it. Demand your just due at the negotiation table. According to the award-winning actress, we can all support one another a little when it comes to learning his skill.
"Negotiating is a very scary experience because it requires a lot of courage and, to a certain extent, the willingness to lose the opportunity, which most people don't have the luxury to do. It's you saying, 'This is what I'm worth,' and as women, culturally, there isn't a training that supports us in that. That, I think, is what we are attempting to change from a systemic place. It's important to have a supportive group around you that you can use as a sounding board to be smart and creative in your negotiation. [Companies] might not be able to pay you in dollar amount, but maybe there's other ways you can be supported in the work that you do—like your travel expenses or something. There are a lot of ways you can negotiate."
As millennial women, our financial literacy is more important now than ever. We are increasingly starting more businesses than any other demographic, more likely to earn degrees, and are more often the breadwinners of the family. Tracee's advice should encourage us to start having conversations concerning women and financial independence. Tracee says that it's time to eliminate stigma surrounding these tough conversations, because in the end, knowledge is power. She said:
"Women's financial solvency, transparency, and the ability to have these conversations without being afraid are incredibly important things. We have to take the stigma away from it and actually try and make some change, and that will require us having knowledge."
It's never to early, or too late, to learn the ins-and-outs of credit and financial responsibility. It's not only a good idea to learn as much as you can about these areas, it can also be the difference between trying to keep up with the Joneses and actually becoming one of them.
To read more financial tips from Tracee Ellis Ross, check out her full interview here.
Featured image by DFree / Shutterstock.com
Article originally published on July 13, 2018
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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