Situationships are often painted as an innocent act between two individuals who have feelings for one another. However, they are actually dangerous because of the chaos and suppression of needs that occurs. Before I go on to share why situationships are dangerous, it is essential to first define it.
A situationship is when two individuals act like they are in a relationship with a title but are not. Situationships often become messy because one individual usually wants more while the other person is stalling. Not only are situationships messy, being in a situationship is very dangerous and here are three reasons why.
Situationships can kill your confidence.
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Being in a situationship is not something that people strive to achieve as it relates to their love life. It is human nature to desire companionship, but God did not create us to experience half of what we rightfully deserve: a commitment. Somewhere down the line, the "talking stage" has been prolonged to be the norm and many individuals are made to believe that giving their all in those circumstances is the way to go. Unfortunately, that understanding can cloud one's judgement and allow them to subconsciously believe that this is the best that they can get as it relates to dating.
There was a time where I was involved in various situationships for long periods of time. I settled for acting like a girlfriend without the title, and there were many instances in which I had to "convince" a man that I was "worthy" of a girlfriend title. Whenever the man would give me an excuse as to why he was not ready for a relationship after months—sometimes a year—of dating, I found a way to convince myself that he was right.
What I thought was a gesture of understanding was actually my poor self-esteem coming to light, and the longer I stayed with the guy, the more I believed that I was not worthy to be loved the way that I deeply desired.
Situationships rob you from experiencing healthy love.
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One of the biggest issues we have with dating and relationships is that we often glamorize "struggle love". I find the notion of embracing it to be extremely toxic because healthy love does and can exist. When you subject yourself to situationships, you rob yourself of experiencing a healthy pursuit, dating experiences, and respect.
Despite popular belief, a man who is OK with a situationship does not respect you and he is actually hindering you from experiencing something healthy. They deprive you of the experience of the healthy process of love and partnership, and as a result, many people escape from it (by the grace of God) damaged, deeply hurt, insecure, and with unbelief of love.
So ladies, the next time you meet a guy and, as you continue to get to know him for months, you begin to feel like you are at a standstill, remember this: If a man walks into a car dealership and sees the car of his dreams, he will not leave the dealership without that car. Why? Because he values it so much that he does not want anyone else to own it. Notice that there is no time wasting, nor dragging of his feet about whether or not he wants the car, and he is not disrespectful to the car dealer.
In essence, men respect what they value, and if he does not value you enough to give you a title then it goes back to his level of respect for you.
Situationships make you miss out on meeting good people.
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If none of the points mentioned above grabs your attention, I hope this point does: Being in a situationship with a person who is unsure of what they want will hinder you from getting what you deserve from someone better. Remember, being in a situationship is not just only emotionally and mentally draining, it can take you out of position to meet a man who actually wants and is ready to commit. Think about it, if you are spending all of your weekends with a temporary bae who has no plans on moving past the temporary stage, you can actually miss out on events, spaces, and environments in which you can meet a man who is ready for the same things you are.
This even goes for date nights with that unofficial bae. Did you ever think that while he is wining and dining you at that fancy restaurant, someone there might be admiring your beauty and wishing that you were not single because they assume that you are out with a significant other? Unfortunately, many women may have been in those situations without ever knowing.
As you can see, situationships can be very messy and will rob you of the commitment that you deeply desire. If you are currently in one and truthfully know that is something you no longer want, I strongly suggest that you make a decision to yourself first and declare that you deserve more because you really do!
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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