Situationships are often painted as an innocent act between two individuals who have feelings for one another. However, they are actually dangerous because of the chaos and suppression of needs that occurs. Before I go on to share why situationships are dangerous, it is essential to first define it.
A situationship is when two individuals act like they are in a relationship with a title but are not. Situationships often become messy because one individual usually wants more while the other person is stalling. Not only are situationships messy, being in a situationship is very dangerous and here are three reasons why.
Situationships can kill your confidence.
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Being in a situationship is not something that people strive to achieve as it relates to their love life. It is human nature to desire companionship, but God did not create us to experience half of what we rightfully deserve: a commitment. Somewhere down the line, the "talking stage" has been prolonged to be the norm and many individuals are made to believe that giving their all in those circumstances is the way to go. Unfortunately, that understanding can cloud one's judgement and allow them to subconsciously believe that this is the best that they can get as it relates to dating.
There was a time where I was involved in various situationships for long periods of time. I settled for acting like a girlfriend without the title, and there were many instances in which I had to "convince" a man that I was "worthy" of a girlfriend title. Whenever the man would give me an excuse as to why he was not ready for a relationship after months—sometimes a year—of dating, I found a way to convince myself that he was right.
What I thought was a gesture of understanding was actually my poor self-esteem coming to light, and the longer I stayed with the guy, the more I believed that I was not worthy to be loved the way that I deeply desired.
Situationships rob you from experiencing healthy love.
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One of the biggest issues we have with dating and relationships is that we often glamorize "struggle love". I find the notion to embrace it to be extremely toxic because healthy love does and can exist. When you subject yourself to situationships, you rob yourself from experiencing a healthy pursuit, dating experiences and respect.
Despite popular belief, a man that is OK with a situationship does not respect you and he is actually hindering you from experiencing something healthy. They deprive you from the experience of the healthy process of love and partnership, and as a result, many people escape from it (by the grace of God) damaged, deeply hurt, insecure, and with an unbelief of love.
So ladies, the next time you meet a guy and, as you continue to get to know him for months, you begin to feel like you are at a standstill, remember this: If a man walks into a car dealership and sees the car of his dreams, he will not leave the dealership without that car. Why? Because he values it so much that he does not want anyone else to own it. Notice that there is no time wasting, nor dragging of his feet about whether or not he wants the car, and he is not disrespectful to the car dealer.
In essence, men respect what they value, and if he does not value you enough to give you a title then it goes back to his level of respect for you.
Situationships make you miss out on meeting good people.
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If none of the points mentioned above grabs your attention, I hope this point does: Being in a situationship with a person who is unsure of what they want will hinder you from getting what you deserve from someone better. Remember, being in a situationship is not just only emotionally and mentally draining, it can take you out of position from meeting a man who actually wants and is ready to commit. Think about it, if you are spending all of your weekends with temporary bae who has no plans on moving past the temporary stage, you can actually miss out on events, spaces, and environments in which you can meet a man who is ready for the same things you are.
This even goes for date nights with that unofficial bae. Did you ever think that while he is wining and dining you at that fancy restaurant, someone there might be admiring your beauty and wishing that you were not single because they assume that you are out with a significant other? Unfortunately, many women may have been in those situations without ever knowing.
As you can see, situationships can be very messy and will rob you from the commitment that you deeply desire. If you are currently in one and truthfully know that is something you no longer want, I strongly suggest that you make a decision to yourself first and declare that you deserve more because you really do!
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