I will never forget when a woman that I know followed a man from DC to Nashville, with absolutely no assurances from him that it was going to turn into something serious, only for him to break up with her and then marry someone else. The woman? She was devastated. It also took her a long time to recover because, although the man did not tell her that he wanted her to come nor did he say that something would come of it if she did, she told me herself that she believed if she took the risk and came anyway, it would convey to him that she was all in which would convince him to reciprocate her intentions.
She is exactly why I thought it was important to write this article. The reality is that around 14 million Americans are in some type of a long-distance relationship. Not only that but statistics reveal that a whopping 75 percent of engaged couples have been in some sort of long-distance situation before (even if it was only for a short period of time) and somewhere around 10 percent of marriages began as a long-distance relationship as well. Clearly they are popular. Clearly some relationships end up becoming long-term. And sometimes, even jumping the broom is the end result.
Still, because the marriage rate isn't super high and the woman I told you about isn't exactly an anomaly if you're someone who's strongly considering getting into a long-distance relationship, here are seven things that I definitely think you should think really long and hard about. First.
1. How Realistic Are You About Relationships, in General?
Relationships are awesome (well, healthy ones are). You know what else? They tend to require quite a bit of time, effort, and energy. That's why, something that I tend to say, pretty much on loop, is if you're a selfish individual, you have absolutely no business being in a relationship — especially when it comes to a long-distance one. Unfortunately, a lot of people feel so automatically entitled in a relationship that they don't even take the time to ponder if they are so self-serving that they are not willing to put in the work that is needed in order to make a relationship thrive and last.
Not only that but when something is long-distance, it can cause them to become pretty unrealistic about relationships, in general, because they have a tendency to be a lot like honeymoons in the sense that, since they don't really get to see their partner all of the time, every time they do, they're so excited that they may not even really get into the day-to-day challenges that seeing each other on the regular typically reveals.
Listen, I know many people who dated long-distance, got married and then, a few years later, either they were absolutely miserable or they ended up calling things off altogether. Why? Because they were so caught up in the romance of it all that they didn't realize they actually didn't know one another as well as they thought they did. That's why, before getting into all of the other things that you should ponder before getting serious with someone who lives in another city, state or even country, you should think long and hard about if you have a tendency to take a realistic approach to relationships or…not.
2. Are You Good at Prioritizing Relationships?
Straight up, there are some spouses I know who, although they love their partner to pieces, their relationship is still basically hanging on by a thread and it's all because they didn't prepare for how they were going to have to make their union a top priority in their life. In their mind, their marriage was going to be in the top five, for sure, when really, it needs to be right there under God. Everything else comes after (kids included; kids are fine when parents are in a good space).
Not to say that this point isn't something that requires a lot of planning and intention. I mean, there's work, there's family, there are friendships, there are daily to-do lists and schedules, there's "you" time — there's so much besides your relationship that you've got to maintain. And when the person you're dating isn't around you, it can be really easy to push them further and further down your priority list.
I will be the first to say that dating someone is not the same thing as being married to them (check out "7 Things That Make Marriage Different From Seriously Dating"). Where I'm going with this is while I don't think dating someone long-distance requires prioritizing them in the way that you would a spouse, it's still important to keep in mind that even more effort is needed to remain connected to someone who isn't close by. If you're not great at prioritizing or you're a huge procrastinator, that's another reason to consider maybe pumping the brakes on a long-distance situation.
3. What Do Your Finances Look Like?
Lucky for people now, smartphones are in these streets. Personally, I still remember when there were long-distance carriers and even calling cards. Yeah, talking on the phone in another state could literally end up costing the same as rent, if you weren't careful. Still, even though cells and communication apps like Skype and WhatsApp mean that you can talk to somewhere, literally anywhere, for hours, free of charge, ask someone who's been in a long-distance relationship before and they will tell you that it's a pretty penny investment.
Matter of fact, I recently read that if you're dating someone who lives far enough from you that you choose to fly to where they are and then go on a couple of dates while you're with them, just two of those trips could run you somewhere around $3,696. On the other hand, a couple who lives in the same city can go on a date, once a week, and only pay $2,600 annually to do so. That's a big-time cost difference right there.
Everything worth having is going to cost you on some level. The point here is if money is super tight, you need to really think about if you and (potentially) yours can afford to be in a relationship right now. Better to be honest on the front end, remain friends and perhaps finally prepare for what the future could hold than to get into something that you can't afford and then become resentful when either you can't see each other much or you're pissed because it's draining so much of your wallet(s).
4. How High Is Your Sex Drive?
I've shared, many times, that I am a marriage life coach. That's a part of the reason why I reference marriage so much (I also am a huge fan of that kind of relationship). And if there is one thing that I find myself constantly dealing with, it's couples who truly underestimated 1) how important sex is in a relationship and 2) how much sex drives can sometimes clash.
Although sex is a vital part of any serious relational dynamic, when you're in a long-distance relationship, unless the two of you mutually decide to wait for a long period of time or even until death parts you, sex can sometimes have even higher expectations because the physical time apart could result in you wanting sex to be more — shoot, more everything. More creative. More passionate. More often. Just more.
The really interesting thing about sex when it comes to long-distance couples is some partners desire visits to be non-stop romps while others could do without the sex because they want to mentally and emotionally connect more instead. There is no right or wrong here. The main point is to be honest about what your actual needs are and, if the two of you have decided to be exclusive, you need to be real with yourself (and them) about if that is something you can realistically be — or not.
5. What Is Your Love Language? What Is His?
Words of affirmation. Physical touch. Quality time. Acts of service. Gifts. These are the five things that are considered to be love languages (ways that we want love expressed to us). When you're in a relationship with anyone, it's important that you share with them what your two primary love languages are and also that you find out what theirs are in return. Oh but baby, when you're in a long-distance situation, take the relevance of this point up about five notches. Absence can be difficult, so it's crucial that you and yours stay connected by fluently speaking one another's language to each other.
Not only that but…say that you are a big gifts person and your partner is all about physical touch. He can send stuff to you on the regular and cause you to have warm fuzzies. Meanwhile, I don't care how much FaceTime or even phone sex happens between the two of you, he's going to get pretty antsy at some point because he needs to hold hands, cuddle and kiss — even more than you do. So yeah, discussing each other's love languages — and if you both are committed to speaking it to each other on the regular — is also something that is important before making a go of it. Because if neither of you is feeling loved, how can things work? Or last? Especially when there are many miles between you.
6. Are You Good at Compromising?
A writer and life coach by the name of Donna Martini once said, "Compromise is not about losing. It's about deciding that the other person has just as much right to be happy with the end result as you do." Lawd. If I could print this on a mug and send it to every long-term couple I know, I most certainly would! Far too many people go into relationships thinking that the objective needs to constantly be about convincing their partner to do what they want or that their way is the "right" way, when it really is much more about learning negotiation skills so that you both can find some common ground.
When you're in a long-distance relationship, especially, you are going to be challenged to be flexible and meet your partner halfway. Sometimes he won't get to come to you, so you'll either have to go out to him or wait. Sometimes there will be things that take precedence that may require you not speaking as long or much as usual. Sometimes you'll have to decide if dragging out an argument is worth the precious time that the two of you have together. Sometimes you're simply going to have to agree to disagree because having peace is more important than proving him wrong (especially when it comes to topics that don't have a real right or wrong, just a different perspective).
Bottom line with this point is lasting relationships require a willingness to bend and — dare I say it — sometimes even sacrifice because sacrifice means giving up one thing for something greater. Hey, if not seeing him for Valentine's Day means that he can stay even longer for your birthday…isn't that a fair compromise in many cases? If you're like, "Hell no. Things need to happen my way or not at all," well, you're probably not the best candidate for a long-distance relationship. Or any relationship, really, now that I think about it.
7. Where Do You Want Your Relationship to Be a Year from Now?
Long-distance relationships can be frustrating. They require so much that sometimes you're tired of putting so much into it when you're not sure if all of the giving is going to pay off. That's why I'm going to end with the fact that you should also ask yourself if you are contemplating getting into one because you want to semi-casually date or because you want to work towards something far more serious. If the answer is "B", then before making things official, discuss with your prospective partner where both of you would like to see the relationship within the next 12 months.
If marriage is on the table, this means that you both need to start using this time to not only cultivate your relationship but also figure out where you're both going to live, what career shifts need to be made and how you're going to adjust your lives in order to get things to the next level. Off the rip, you're going to be making sacrifices to be together. You need to be crystal clear how many sacrifices need to be required to get to where you both want to go — together.
Trust me, I could come up with several other things that are worth considering when it comes to being in a long-distance relationship. For now, what I will say is that if you take these seriously, it can help you to have a realistic look on this type of dynamic so that you can either get into a long-distance relationship and thrive or decide that it's not the thing for you and wait for what actually…is.
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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