

If you came across this article and clicked on it because of its title, you might be wondering, what is "main character energy"? Don't worry girl, we've got you covered. Main character energy is a phrase that gained popularity through TikTok and places the spotlight where it needs to be, on you as the writer and architect of your own story. And as such, you are the main character. Main character energy is a positive way to describe yourself as it refers to an interesting, multi-faceted, multi-layered protagonist who are ultimately the loves of their own lives, period.
Main character energy isn't a trend, it's a lifestyle. Main character energy takes time and dedication to crafting the best life for yourself by yourself. For many years, I struggled to tap into my "main character energy" due to my lack of self-confidence and codependency. After my breakup, I took time to find myself again. Once I put in the work to heal, I began to find radical self-acceptance. Embracing my "main character energy", I became the love of my own life.
Below are a few women I admire who I feel radiate main character energy. They have put so much love into themselves and are amazing women. Here is how they have become the main character of their own life.
Devri Velazquez
Courtesy of Devri Velazquez
Writer, Digital Creative, and Rare Disease Survivor
"When I was 20 years old, I was diagnosed with a rare disease that has no cure. It devastated me so much. More than the physical limitations I experienced in the first few years of my diagnosis, my mental health was rocked. It was important for me to root myself in my faith and spirituality so I didn't lose my mind. I did not like myself at all, but years later after my illness went into remission and I could go back to work, I gained my confidence back.
"I put one foot in front of the other and had to realize that this was my new normal, and if I still wanted to succeed in whatever I envisioned for my life, then I needed to stop spending so much energy pitying myself and instead, navigate the obstacles in the best way I could."
"Whenever I see something in my life, I manifest it and work towards a goal to make it a reality. I've moved across the country twice with no savings, no friends, nothing to my name but my ambition. I take a lot of pride in trusting my intuition and forging my path a lot of times even when my decisions were unpopular or seemed unrealistic."
Tanika Lambert
Courtesy of Tanika Lambert
Athleisurewear Designer
"I overcame challenges because I had to ask myself hard questions. The one question I had to ask myself was, 'What do I want?' When I finally answered this question, more opportunities began to open up for me.
"I'm living life on my terms by, doing the things that matter to me. I found that being intentional with what I want and what goals I want to accomplish helped me a lot."
"Self-love, acceptance, and understanding has helped me with outside relationships because now I know what people I want around me. I want positive people around me that will elevate and motivate me."
Courtney Richardson
Courtesy of Courtney Richardson
Creative Strategist for Paper Magazine and founder of Do It For The Brand
"Growing up Black and being a woman is a challenge within itself. When you grow up as such, society tells you that you're not worthy, that you're less than, and that you don't matter. Whether it's the lack of representation in entertainment or the systematic barriers that are set up to hold people like me back due to race and gender, it's easy to be on the sidelines. So, I wasn't always the main character in my own life growing up due to how society saw (and still sees) people that look like me. But it became so exhausting that I got tired of being tired.
"In my early twenties, I decided it was much easier to love who I was and steep in that joy than it was to not. And at the same time, for many who look like me, there's also an innate form of resilience by being a woman and a Black woman at that. By being such, I've been able to come into my own by embracing the gifts of being a Black woman and defying what society negates me to be."
"A while ago, I made a non-negotiable contract within myself that contain terms like:
- I refuse to put energy into things that don't light me up.
- My joy is my joy and no one else's.
- The only time I'll sleep on myself is when I have to get rest.
- Recharge but also refuse to have any apologies about doing so.
"By living life by my own set of terms, I can hold myself to be accountable to my measure of greatness, growth, and gratitude."
Ty-Michelle
Courtesy of Ty-Michelle
DJ and CEO of #ZenitudeShop
"What has helped me become comfortable with my whole self is fully accepting my flaws. I think we all strive to be a perfect model of ourselves but the reality is, there is no such thing as perfect. I've reached a place where I now fully understand the concept of duality and how important it is for us to honor both the light and dark sides of who we are.
"Once I began living in the space of honoring my mistakes instead of running and hiding from them, I began to settle into my true self."
"I wake up every single day and do what I want. If I need a rest, I take it. If I feel like I need a spa day, I plan one. Most importantly I don't let other people dictate what my life should look like or let opinions from outsiders get to me. We only get one run at this. I do what makes me happy and let God worry about the rest."
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Featured image by Courtney Richardson
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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