Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend
As I've been on this journey to grow out my natural hair, something that I've been learning to pay more attention to is my scalp. After all, it's the foundation for my tresses, so if it's not in good shape, my hair won't be. And as I've been discovering how to give it the TLC that it deserves, a practice that I've been putting into play more and more is scalp detoxing. If you're already deep sighing at the mere thought of having something else to put on your to-do list, you can stop. I promise you that it's a really easy thing to do. Plus, the way your scalp will feel immediately after you do it makes making the time totally worth your while.
So whether you like to use lots of hair products, you've got a chemically-treated or sensitive scalp, or you want to get rid of dandruff or dead skin flakes, this article will easily break down just why scalp detoxing is the route to take, along with the steps that you can implement, as soon as this weekend.
Why You Should Detox Your Scalp
I recently read an article that said what we purchase beauty products at a rate that is a whopping nine times greater than white women do. The reason why that is nothing to "Kanye shrug" about is because if those products contain toxic ingredients, including hormone disruptors like parabens and phthalates, that's a big problem.
Especially since our skin has a tendency to absorb 60 percent of what we put on it, within 26 seconds of putting it on. Not only that but get this—our scalp and forehead absorb chemicals about four times faster than our forearms do. If you let that, pardon the pun, penetrate, how could you not want to detox your scalp once a month?
Especially if you add along with all of this the fact that the chance for product build-up which could lead to clogged hair follicles, an itchy irritated scalp and stunted hair growth.
In a nutshell, detoxing your scalp can help to remove leftover toxins that are sitting on it; it can also help to rebalance your scalp so that your hair is better able to thrive. So yeah, there is simply no reason why it's not a good thing to do on a consistent basis.
5 Different Scalp Detox Methods to Try
Now that you know why you should do a little scalp detoxing, you might wonder, just how you should go about doing it. I've got a few ideas.
If you want to remove product build-up. If you use any sort of product on your hair, some sort of build-up is sure to follow. One way to get a handle on all of that is to mix two tablespoons of baking soda with one cup of lukewarm distilled water. After shampooing your hair, apply the mixture and gently massage your scalp. Allow the solution to remain for 10 minutes, then rinse thoroughly and condition your hair.
If you want to treat dandruff or any fungi growth. It really can't be said enough that dandruff and dry scalp are not the same thing. Dandruff is the result of an overgrowth of a yeast known as Malassezia. Something that you can do to better manage dandruff is to detox your scalp with the help of some grapeseed oil and cinnamon powder. As the grapeseed oil works to fight off free radicals, the antiviral, antifungal and antibacterial compounds in the cinnamon powder will help to prevent fungal and bacterial infections. Mix two tablespoons of grapeseed oil with a teaspoon of cinnamon powder to clean damp hair. Massage it onto your scalp, let it sit for 20 minutes, then rinse.
If you want to repair any skin cells that you may have. Something that you can do to help restore any dead skin cells that may be on your scalp is to apply some pure Aloe vera gel to it. The proteolytic enzymes will soothe and repair the cells while other properties of the gel with help to deep condition your scalp. Simply apply 1-2 tablespoons on freshly washed damp hair. Let it sit for 30 minutes and then rinse and style as usual.
If you've got relaxed or color-treated hair. If you want to detox your scalp after a chemical treatment, an oil-based detox can prevent your scalp from drying out. Mix a tablespoon of olive oil (it deeply moisturizes), a teaspoon of jojoba (it soothes an irritated scalp) and 3-5 drops of peppermint oil (it kills germs and increases blood circulation) together. Apply the oil to freshly washed hair and massage your scalp. The menthol from the peppermint will provide an immediate tingling sensation that will soothe your scalp as the detox oils cleanse and heals your scalp simultaneously. Let it sit for 20 minutes, then thoroughly rinse and style as usual.
If you want to rejuvenate your scalp. Do you feel like your scalp could use a bit of a pick-me-up? One way to do just that is to combine a half cup of bentonite clay with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, a fourth cup of distilled water and 3-5 drops of lavender oil. The properties of the clay will help to purge any impurities from your scalp while the vinegar serves as an anti-inflammatory agent. As a bonus, lavender oil is antimicrobial, plus it helps to promote healthy hair growth. Apply this combination all over your scalp (and hair) right after washing it. Let it sit for 45 minutes, then rinse thoroughly with warm water. Then follow that up with a deep conditioning treatment and style as usual.
How to Maintain Your Scalp in Between Detoxes
Trust me when I tell you that, if you get into the habit of detoxing your scalp on a monthly basis, you are already going to be way ahead of the game when it comes to scalp care. But if you'd like a few more tips on how to keep your scalp in great condition, even between detoxing, here are some other things you should do.
Massage your scalp a couple of times a week. A good scalp massage is not only a wonderful way to relieve any stress that you may have, it can also increase blood flow to your scalp so that your hair is able to grow healthy and strong. You can massage your scalp with your fingers or with a portable scalp massager. A couple of years ago, Naptural85 did a pretty thorough video on the best ones for natural hair. You can check out here reviews here.
Cleanse on a bi-weekly basis. A clean scalp is a healthy scalp; that's why it's important to wash yours no less than a couple of times a month. The kind of shampoo that you use is gonna vary, based on what your scalp's specific needs are, but a shampoo that is paraben- and sulfate-free is wise. I'm a fan of shampoo bars myself. Black soap, specifically, is the complete and total truth.
Rinse with lukewarm water. Hot water might feel really good, but it can also dry out your scalp too. So, on wash day, avoid the "hot as you can bear it" approach. Lukewarm is far better and healthier overall.
Wash your hair care tools. Dirty combs and brushes are not only gross, they can irritate your scalp. That's why you need to make sure to wash them with a mild shampoo, no less than a couple of times each month.
Limit the amount of chemical treatments that you use. Oh, I love a head of jet black hair more than most, but I've come to accept that it's not healthy (plus, permanent hair dye tends to do the health and well-being of my hair more harm than good in the long run). And with articles on hair chemicals warning us of things like "permanent hair dye increases a black woman's risk of breast cancer by 45%", you are doing yourself a real favor by laying off of as many chemical treatments as possible. (Oh the dye tip, go with henna or at least a semi-permanent option; it's easier on your hair and better for your health.)
Keep your scalp moisturized. Sometimes our scalp is "mad at us" simply because it is super dry. You can make this less of an issue for you if you drink lots of water, eat plenty of fresh fruits and veggies, tie your hair up at night (so that your bedding doesn't strip your hair of its natural oils)—oh, and if you take a B-complex vitamin. Why B-complex? Because, believe it or not, there is a direct correlation between dry scalp and us not having enough of vitamins B6 and B12 in our system. By upping the B and lowering your sugar intake (which can dry out your scalp), you will be on your way to a great-feeling scalp and, ultimately, a healthy head of hair too!
Our scalp doesn't get seen much, so it gets ignored fairly often. But I am a living testament to the fact that if you take care of your scalp, your hair will truly flourish. Your health ultimately will too. Get to detoxing. It's a total game-changer!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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- How to Detox Your Scalp for Healthier Hair - The New York Times ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images