

Well y'all, I don't know what you're thinkin' but personally, I'm totally trippin' that we're just a few weeks away from it officially being the summer season. As I was looking at my hair the other day, I said to myself, "How about we give you some extra special attention this year, so that I don't have to do any damage control come fall?". Because, even though I actually write on hair care quite a bit, sometimes a sistah doesn't feel like being proactive. I'm getting better at it, though.
Anyway, if you are like me and you don't want to be pissed off on Labor Day because, all you did, all summer long, was wrap your hair up in a scarf or rock a turban, only to discover a dry matted mess weeks later, I've got some things that you can do to prep your hair (and maintain it) for the summer season. Don't worry. Everything here is cheap and easy yet super effective.
Are you ready to get your hair into great summer shape?
Make Some Coconut Milk Shampoo
Something that I recommend you try this season is making your own shampoo. Not only is it (typically) cheaper than commercial brands, but you're able to know exactly what is going into your tresses. A recipe that's very easy to make, consists of only three ingredients. All you need is coconut milk, castile soap and your favorite essential oil(s).
Coconut milk is great because the antibacterial properties in it will help to cleanse your scalp while removing any bacteria that may be on it. Coconut milk is also packed with nutrients like protein (our hair is made up of mostly protein), iron (something that many of us, as Black women, tend to be deficient in) and magnesium (it promotes follicle hair growth) that help to strengthen our hair. As a bonus, coconut milk is mad moisturizing too.
Castile soap removes product build-up without stripping your hair of the natural oils that it needs. Essential oils smell great and come with all sorts of benefits, depending on which one you decide to go with. For a fresh and summery scent, I recommend orange oil. It moisturizes your hair, plus it also can smooth your strands so that they look less frizzy too.
For a simple coconut milk shampoo recipe, check out Wellness Mama's here.
Dust Your Ends
If one of the things that you're committed to this year is length retention, I am totally with you. Because of this, you probably want to keep shears as far away from your head as possible. But if you don't at least dust your ends, not only could you end up with split ends that will only result in long-term hair damage, but you could prevent your natural hair from holding any real shape as well. If you don't trust a professional to trim your hair—again, I feel you because some stylists don't know the difference between cutting and trimming—you can always take matters into your own hands. Literally. Dusting your ends is about taking no more than around ½" (on average) off of the ends of your hair. All you need is a good pair of shears, a video tutorial and a lot of patience.
Check out some naturalistas and how they dust their ends here, here and here.
Apply a Leave-in Conditioner
Hopefully, deep conditioning your locks is already a part of your hair routine. But because the sun can be particularly harsh during the summer season, it's important to apply a leave-in conditioner to your hair too. Not only will it add some extra moisture to your hair, it can also make detangling and styling so much easier in between washes (especially if you'd prefer not to wet your hair every day). If you decide to go the commercial brand route, make sure that the first ingredient on the label is water. Or, if you want, you can make some of your own.
Kinky Curly Yaki totally has your back in this department with the article "14 Homemade Leave-In Conditioner Recipes".
Use a DIY Anti-Frizz Serum
When it comes to my natural hair texture, probably the two top things that get on my nerves about summer is 1) the massive amount of shrinkage that it causes and 2) how frizzy my hair can sometimes become. As far as shrinkage goes, we'll tackle that in the next point. On the frizz tip, something that can help to tame your mane is to create your own anti-frizz hair serum. One of the best recipes I've seen in a hot minute consists of avocado oil (it's extremely moisturizing), argan oil (it nourishes your scalp, fights dandruff and helps to prevent brittle ends) and geranium oil (it's antibacterial, balances the production of serum and helps to keep hair strands smooth). If you apply a little to your hair on a daily basis, you'll notice more curls and less frizz.
For the complete anti-frizz serum recipe, click here.
Define Your Curls with Bentonite Clay and Apple Cider Vinegar
Yeah, I already know. There are definitely a billion hair hacks out here. But if there's one that I promise you is pretty close to mind-blowing, it's the bentonite clay and apple cider vinegar hair mask. The benefits of bentonite clay, frankly, deserves a write-up of its own but some of the main point is it's the kind of clay that draws out toxins, helps to heal psoriasis and seborrheic dermatitis, removes product build-up on the hair and scalp, conditions and moisturizes and definitely brings the best out of your natural curl definition. Know what else it does? It helps to elongate your hair so that shrinkage isn't as much of an issue. As far as apple cider vinegar goes, it's a one of a kind type of hair clarifier. The combo will have your hair feeling mad soft and with bouncy curls that you didn't know you had; whether you've got 3 or 4 type hair.
An easy recipe: Pull out a non-metal bowl (metal can affect the potency of the clay, not in a good way either) and pour 1/3 cup of bentonite clay into it. Then add about four tablespoons of distilled water (maybe a bit more; the objective is for the mixture to have a thick yogurt-like consistency). To that, add four tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and maybe some sweet almond oil (to lock extra moisture into your hair). Mix everything with a non-metal spoon and immediately apply the mask to clean and damp hair (make sure your locs are wet enough to show your curl pattern). Apply the mask, cover your head up with a plastic bag and let it sit on your hair for 30 minutes. Then get into the shower to rinse it all out (it's kind of a mess if you go the sink route) and follow it up with your favorite hair conditioner. Allow your hair to air dry and sis, you're totally good to go. (If you want to see some final results, check out this video, this one or this one.)
Invest in Some Anti-Humidity Hair Products
You would think that, since humidity is all about moisture, that it being in the air that it would work for, not against, our hair…right? Yeah, naw.
While it's kind of a science class, the bottom line is our hair is made up of tiny tubes of keratin (protein). What humidity does is manipulate those tubes which causes our hair cuticles to swell, resulting in frizz.
One way you can reduce how much this happens to your own hair is to coat your hair with anti-humidity hair products on a daily basis.
If you'd like to do this, Naturally Curly totally has your back. Check out "20 Humidity-Proof Products to Fight Frizz".
Create Some Sunscreen for Your Locs
Don't get it twisted. We might be full of melanin, but Black women need sunscreen too; this includes when it comes to our hair. UV rays have a tendency to do a real number on tresses. For one thing, they produce free radicals that can lead to oxidative stress that can weaken our hair's natural structure. Extreme sun exposure can also strip our natural hair color and give us dry and brittle strands too. That's why some hair sunscreen is another effective way to get and keep your hair summertime ready.
Naturally Curly has your back on this one too. Check out "6 DIY Sunscreen Recipes to Protect Your Hair".
Drink More Water
One of the big mistakes that a lot of us make when it comes to caring for our hair is we're far more preoccupied with what we put on our hair that we forget to pay attention to what we put into it from the inside out. Your hair is definitely not going to survive the summer season if you don't make sure to stay hydrated all throughout the day. Not only do you need water to replenish the fluids you lost from sweating, but since each strand is made up of roughly 25 percent of water, you can see why your hair especially needs it too. If you're averaging eight glasses of water before summer, up that to around 10 as summertime eases its way on in.
Not a water fan? Get what you need by drinking some infused water instead. You can get some awesome recipes here.
Get a Hair Oil for the Swimming Pool
Chlorine and salt water can wreak real havoc on hair, especially ours since our tresses tend to lean more towards being on the drier side of the hair spectrum anyway. If you'd prefer to not rock a swimming cap, something that you can do to give your hair some of the extra moisture that it needs is to apply a thin coat of oil before taking a swim.
Jojoba oil moisturizes. Grapeseed combats frizz. Lemongrass has antifungal and antiviral properties. My recommendation is to put two tablespoons of each into a plastic bottle, heat them up in the microwave for 15 seconds and add the oil to your hair. The combo will feel great and your tresses will be all set.
Keep a Hair Spritz Handy
On the super hot days when you want to give your natural hair a bit of a moisture-rich pick-me-up, why not go with an all-natural hair spritz? All you need is a small plastic spray bottle, some rosewater and a couple of other ingredients. You can keep the bottle in your bag and lightly mist your hair whenever you get the urge. Your scalp will instantly feel refreshed and your curls will instantly feel hydrated. It's a wonderful summertime treat for your hair from its roots right down to its ends.
A cool recipe: Fill your bottle halfway with rosewater (it'll stabilize your hair's pH balance). Then add a tablespoon of sweet almond oil, a teaspoon of vegetable glycerin (when combined with oil and water, it can reduce hair breakage) and 5-7 drops of lavender essential (it cleanses the scalp while stimulating hair growth in the process). Make sure to shake well before every use. Then spritz your hair and that's it. Your hair will totally be summer set!
Do you have a beauty, wellness or self-care find that you've tried recently and want to share your experience? Join the xoTribe members community to connect with other beauty lovers and share your wins with the tribe.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are You & Your Partner Financially Compatible? Here’s How To Tell.
With nearly half of all marriages that end in divorce citing finances as the nail in the coffin to deading their relationship, financial compatibility is one aspect of long-term compatibility that doesn't get talked about enough. Beyond the circular 50/50 discourse and whatever hot-button issues regarding providers and the like, at its core, financial compatibility is about how well your financial behaviors, values, and long-term goals align with those of your partner.
More than it is about how much money a person makes or doesn't make, financial compatibility focuses on how you think about money, how you spend your money, and most importantly, how you plan for the future with your money. Think, questions about money mindsets, spending habits, debt, budget, etc. Are you a saver and he's a spender? Do you see money as a tool for freedom? Does he see it as something to hold on tightly to as a means of survival? Can you talk about your financial goals and plans openly?
Knowing if you and your partner are financially compatible can save a lot of heartache, a lot of headaches, and a lot of money in the end. Keep reading for a few key indicators to pay attention to and learn whether or not you and your partner are truly aligned financially.
Signs You’re Financially Compatible
1. You can talk about money without judgment.
Conversations about money aren't something you dread. You're able to talk to your partner freely and openly about money matters, like debts, bills, the budget, etc., even when it is uncomfortable. There is an understanding that talking about money doesn't have to be something you're on the defense about, instead it's an opportunity for transparency, clarity, and solutions.
2. You respect each other's money personalities.
What is a money personality? According to Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, a money personality is our "approach and emotional responses to money" and there are seven money personalities we can fall under. These personalities can help us understand our own relationship with money, as well as our partner's. For example, maybe you're someone who likes to treat yourself to a fancy dinner once a month and your partner is someone who believes ordering takeout and not cooking meals at home is a cardinal sin.
When you can respect each other's money personalities, neither approach is subjected to judgment and shifts can be made in each other's spending habits as needed and from a place of love versus guilt or shame.
3. You agree on what it means to have "financial security."
Whether it’s building a stacked emergency fund, paying off debt before putting a downpayment on a home or being able to splurge on a baecation without checking your account balance before the bill arrives, your definitions of what it means to be financially secure are in sync, or at least compatible enough to reach a compromise.
4. You are not each other's "financial parent."
You’re not constantly teaching, fixing, or stressing out over what the other person is doing with their money. Although I fast-forwarded through a lot of the most recent season of Love Is Blind, I did pay attention to Virginia and Devin and money seemed to be a recurring theme in their conversations. It was clear Virginia had her ish together when it came to money and her financial plans for the future and Devin was not quite on her level.
Though she said no at the altar for additional reasons, I could also see how sis could eventually get very tired of being her partner's second mama, so to speak. And that's the thing about being your partner's "financial parent," eventually, you could end up feeling like you are one-half of a "parenting" or "teaching" dynamic with your partner instead of feeling like you're equals in a partnership.
5. You make financial decisions with each other in mind, not for each other.
Whether it’s booking a trip, deciding which debt to tackle first, saving up for a big purchase, or planning out your next move, there’s a mutual respect for each other’s input. Those shared goals might look like wealth, freedom, stability, or just a debt-free life that feels soft and secure.
You don’t have to be chasing the same bag in the same exact way, but you do need to be aligned on the vision. What you're building should feel like a joint venture with shared effort and purpose, not one of y’all making major money moves like you're still single. Making financial decisions is not just about where the money goes, it's about where you’re going together.
6. You're aligned when it comes to the big stuff.
Financial compatibility extends to the long-term of money management. The legacy, structure, and shared responsibility that comes with decisions like shared accounts, estate planning, having babies, or even blending families. Will you split bills or combine income? Who’s taking time off if you have a child? How do y’all feel about generational wealth or investing for your family’s future? You and your partner have had the real conversations.
These conversations can’t wait until after the wedding or until after a baby’s here. They’re the foundation for how you function as a unit, and if you're not aligned, or at least willing to get on the same page, that incompatibility can cause friction in the end that love alone can't fix.
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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