Recently, while getting my monthly waxing down below, my waxer was commenting on how healthy my vagina — well, technically it’s my vulva — looks for my age. Lawd, where has the time gone when I’m finally at the point and place where “for my age” is following more and more comments? LOL. Anyway, when I asked her to expound, she went on to say that as women get older, it’s not uncommon to notice more sagging (check out “Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.” and “Keep Your Vagina Like A (Literal) Fountain Of Youth”) and some discoloration as well.
As I was on my back, legs open and looking up at the ceiling, waiting for her to finish, I first thanked her for the compliment. Then I let her know that, indirectly, she was gonna help me with my next writing check from this platform — because what she said about vaginal discoloration was going to inspire me to do some additional research. And I did.
That said, whether you glance at your vagina on a daily basis, you only do it while you’re in the process of doing a vaginal self-exam (which is always wise), or you’re someone who doesn’t give how your va-jay-jay looks much thought unless you’ve scheduled a professional maintenance appointment or you’re “prepping” for a really hot night (check out “12 Men Told Me What They Love So Much About Vaginas”) — although this is a topic that you may not have considered before, I think you might find a few of these tips to be quite beneficial. That is, if you want to keep your vagina — well, vulva — looking radiant and youthful for as long as you possibly can, anyway.
Check it out.
Vaginal Hyperpigmentation. What’s the Cause?
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Hyperpigmentation. When it comes to your vulva (the outer part of your vagina), whether you couldn’t care less about it or having some low-key irks you to no end, the first thing that you should know is that it’s pretty normal. Although it somewhat varies from person to person, it is important to always keep in mind that there are certain factors that can play a role in just how dark parts of your skin — again, in this case, your vulva — can get.
Factors like what? Well, for starters, your skin contains cells that are known as melanocytes; they are somewhat sensitive to your body’s natural hormones.
So, as your hormones shift (like during puberty, pregnancy, and the later stages of perimenopause), that can cause your skin to get darker when it comes to your vulva, nipples, and even your anus. Something else that can cause hyperpigmentation is constant friction (which is just one more reason to keep wearing super tight pants down to a minimum).
This is because friction can cause bodily inflammation (I just read that rosemary is the best herb for treating inflammation, by the way), and that can lead to discoloration. It should also go on record that sometimes skin experiences hyperpigmentation wherever “folds” in the skin happen (like your underarms or if your vaginal lips are “meaty”). Oh, and if you shave and get ingrown hairs or pimples, that can be a part of the culprit as well.
Are these the only things that can make vaginal hyperpigmentation happen? No. In fact, if your skin down there is super itchy or irritated (and you know that it’s not due to something like BV or ayeast infection), you should get your doctor to check it out. It could be because of an underlying condition like (possibly) diabetes, an STI/STD, or even PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome).
However, the other causes that I mentioned tend to be the ones that are the most common. And for those, I have 10 all-natural things that you can do at home to 1) help to prevent vaginal hyperpigmentation from transpiring and/or 2) help to even out your vulva’s skin tone if some discoloration has already taken place.
10 All-Natural Things You Can Do At Home To Prevent Vaginal Hyperpigmentation
1. Make Sure Your Panties Are “Breathable”
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Okay, so for those of you who don’t wear any drawers (check out “10 Women Told Me Why They Stopped Wearing Panties (And They Don't Regret It)”), this first tip won’t apply. For the rest of us, though, just like tight jeans (for instance) can cause friction in your vaginal region, so can panties that won’t let your vagina breathe (whether it’s due to sizing or fabrics like spandex or nylon).
The method to the madness here is air carries oxygen andoxygen helps to give your skin the nutrients that it needs to remain healthy. Plus, looser underwear that’s made out of a breathable fabric also prevents chafing that could cause discoloration too. Now that you know this, if you’re not sure if you’re currently wearing the type of undies that are best for your vagina and vulva, I’ve got you covered (no pun intended). Check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers”.
2. Exfoliate Your Pubic Mound
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You know how I mentioned my waxer in the intro? Sometimes, she has some pretty wild stories about what happens when she gives someone a Brazilian wax for the first time (yeah, y’all can keep that). Since she said that it can take a good 4-6 months for 1) it not to hurt as much as it initially does and 2) for a person’s skin to fully recover, something that she recommends doing (2-3 days following your hair removal appointment) is exfoliatingyour pubic mound (the fatty area that covers your pelvic region).
Exfoliation helps to remove dead skin cells and turn over new skin, which can ultimately help to even out discoloration on your pubic mound (if you happen to have any).
Since that part of your body is more sensitive than others, my two cents would be to DIY an exfoliant out of some brown sugar (recipehere) or coffee grinds (recipehere). Natural ingredients reduce the chance of (further) irritating your skin.
3. Massage Your Vulva with Some Vitamin E Oil
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If you want your skin to look fresh and radiant on any part of your body, you’ve absolutely got toinvest in some vitamin E oil. The properties in it help to deeply moisturize your skin, relieve any itching that may be associated with mild infections, allergic reactions to fabrics, or basic-level irritation; help to treat and heal eczema and psoriasis; minimize the appearance of scars over time, and it also can slow down your skin’s aging process — including when it comes to your vulva.
Also, sinceboth vitamin E and ginseng have been proven to boost sexual performance in women (which ultimately leads to more natural lubrication), you can’t miss by applying some of this to your vulva just as soon as you possibly can.
4. Apply Geranium Essential Oil
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As I learn more about the purpose and power of essential oils, I wish I had started studying more than the “common” ones much sooner than I did.Take geranium oil, for example. Did you know that it has the ability to soothe sore muscles, speed up the healing process of certain respiratory infections, reduce anxiety and depression-related symptoms, fight candida, and even decrease nerve pain that comes from things like shingles (pretty impressive, right?)
However, the reason why geranium oil is listed here is because it’s also awesome (and non-irritating) when it comes to skincare. What makes it so divine? It reduces wrinkles, contains antibacterial and soothing anti-inflammatory properties, and naturally deodorizes, too.
Also, since this oil also provides a hormone-balancing effect for women who are perimenopausal and menopausal, when it comes to adding to your own essential oil collection, how could you not want some geranium oil now?
5. Or Frankincense Essential Oil
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Personally, if frankincense oil had no real benefits, I’d still use it because I like how it smells. Kind of like woody-meets-musky-meets-sweet-meets feminine. The fact that it’s got somesolidantioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and anti-aging properties in it makes it that much better.For instance, since it’s a stress-reducer, that’s always good to know if you’re doing your best to find holistic ways to keep your hormones as balanced as possible (because stress can put your hormones into influx). Some other notable things about this oil (as far as your vulva goes) are it fights off bacteria, helps to slow down aging signs, and actually balances hormones (and helps to improve fertility), too.
6. Soothe and Heal with Pure Aloe Vera Gel
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So, what if you recently took a look at your vulva and noticed that there is some discoloration due to things like nicking yourself while shaving or your skin getting over a couple of back-to-back yeast infections? One thing that you might want to try is applying some (and this is key) 100 percent pure aloe vera gel to the darker spots. For one thing, its high water content will help moisturize your skin.
Next, its anti-inflammatory, antibacterial, antiviral, and antiseptic will do wonders when it comes to helping to heal your skin.Another perk of the gel is it’s actually a natural source ofsalicylic acid, which means that it can help prevent future breakouts (if you happen to get pimples and acne scars down there). Plus, it also fades discoloration (over time) and slows down the aging process of your skin.
7. Take Vitamin C and D Supplements
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Did you know thatalmost every American in this country is not getting all of the nutrients that they need from their diet alone? Yeah, don’t get me started on what people’s health would look like if the United States actually covered healthcare costs (eye roll). ANYWAY, I’m just saying this to say that if you don’t already take a multivitamin, now is as good a time as ever to start. Or, if you’d prefer to take certain supplements that are specific to this article, vitamins C and D are your better bet.
Vitamin C is bomb because it’s great for skin health overall; it boosts collagen levels, helps to prevent infections, and speeds up the process of wound healing. Vitamin D is great because it helps to maintain your vagina’s pH levels, reduces the chances of vaginal infections, and if you happen to be on the other side of menopause, it can help with your libido and make arousal easier — and since vitamin D deficiency is so common among us (Black women) that is certainly something to especially keep in mind.
8. Use Lubrication During Sex
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The main reasons why your body naturally lubricates your vagina during sexual activity are so that 1) penetration will not be painful and 2) there won’t be a ton of unnecessary friction during sexual acts. Yep, and there goes that word again: friction. Whether you struggle with getting as wet as you’d like due to hormonal reasons (or foreplay challenges; check out “What If The Sex Is Good...But The Foreplay Isn't?”) or you’re simply someone who takes the saying “the wetter, the better” quite literally (check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant”), just remember that when it comes to preventing vaginal hyperpigmentation, all forms of lubricant will always be your friend.
9. Try Some Rose Bush Butter
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It really is amazing, the random things that you can find out on the World Wide Web. Take a product called Rose Bush, P-ssy Butter. I first stumbled upon it whilereading an article about it on Well + Good’s website. The reason why it sings the butter’s praises is that it can do so many things for your vaginal region, from moisturizing and preventing chafing to making it smell great and serving as an all-natural lubrication (if you’re someone who DOESN’T use condoms).
Word on the street is that it can even help to keepyour vagina’s pH where it’s supposed to be (which is always a bonus!). So, if you’re looking for something that can help, and heal your vulva, why not give some rose bush butter a shot? You can cop yourself some of ithere.
10. Sleep Naked
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Last one. Your vagina and vulva don’t want to experience friction, especially not 24 hours a day. That’s why it’s important to at least give them both a break during your sleeping hours. That will give them time to get more oxygen, regulate their temperature, prevent excess moisture from creating the perfect breeding ground for a yeast infection, and it will help to keep your hormones balanced, too. At the end of the day,sleeping naked is one of the best ways to be proactive when it comes to avoiding vaginal hyperpigmentation. No doubt about it, sis. So make sure to do it….tonight.
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Welp. There you have it: 10 all-natural ways to keep your vulva looking as good as (hopefully) it feels. Test some of the remedies out. Let me know how it goes. Especially that rose butter, aight? #wink
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That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “8 Kinds Of Sex Every Couple Should Have In Their Rotation” because, as you’re about to see in a moment, sex is too grand to be limited and, like I tell some of the couples that I work with, sometimes having intimacy issues in their relationship is because they haven’t explored and then discussed the type of sex that they enjoy most.
And, as you’re about to see, there are more than just a few.
1. Oral Sex
Oral GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyFellatio. Cunnilingus. Anilingus (also known as rimming). All of these fall under the definition of oral sex because oral sex is all about using one’s mouth to stimulate their partner’s genitalia. It’s funny because I recently saw an Instagram post where a woman was asking if folks could only get oral sex or intercourse for the rest of their lives, which one would they choose? And y’all, when I tell you that the answers were polarizing as hell. No side really won by a landslide. Interesting.
What I did notice is that when it came to orgasms, specifically, many of the women went with oral sex; which makes sense considering an overwhelming amount of women climax with the help of clitoral stimulation (only about 18 percent can cum from intercourse alone) — and oral sex is one of the best ways to make that happen. If you add to that the fact that you can receive peak sexual pleasure without the risk of pregnancy — yeah,oral sex is a win for many people whether it’s seen as an act of foreplay or the…main event.
2. Vanilla Sex
GiphyYou know what I saw that was actually pretty good (other than Drew Sidora’s character perpetually playing a victim when she was doing the very stuff that she was accusing her man of): Todd Tucker (you know, Kandi Burruss’s husband) movie,The Pass. If you haven’t seen it (yet), the main married couple are Maurice (Rob Riley) and Nina (Drew Sidora). Nina was already on a slippery slope, off top, because consistent sex in their relationship was not something that she was prioritizing (check out “What You Should Do If You Find Yourself In A Sexless Marriage”). However, when she did “fit it into her schedule,” vanilla sex was something that she was super fond of.
For the record, if there is a sexual position that is the mascot forvanilla sex, it would have to be the traditional take on the missionary. It’s considered to be traditional, conservative — the kind of sex that people who think that intimacy is for procreation more than anything and kinks should be avoided as much as possibly typically go for. In short, super-religious folks are gonna always revert to vanilla sex.
Now even though I didn’t just present vanilla sex to be fireworks central, I don’t think that anything is wrong with it any more than I think that something is wrong with preferring vanilla bean (which is always better than French vanilla, in my opinion) ice cream; especially since science says that missionary is what gets women the most consistent orgasms. Just make sure not to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach to it. Although missionary can be effective, if it’s all you ever do, it can end up becoming somewhat…boring.
This brings me to the next kind of sex.
3. Adventurous Sex
GiphyFolks who have the “I’ll try anything at least once” approach to life are usually all about adventurous sex. These are the kinds of people who aren’t afraid — or even hesitant — to try out certain kinks. They are the ones who you will hear had sex in a strange location and all you’ll do is shake your head or Elmo shrug. They are the people who will videotape themselves more than once (check out “Before You Make A DIY Sex Tape, Read This.”) and create bucket lists (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”), seemingly on a quarterly basis because that’s how intentional they are about trying new things.
Probably the best way to describe those who like adventurous sex is they’re adrenaline junkies which can be cool — so long that they aren’t so “on the hunt” for the next “high” that they don’t realize that intimacy, connecting, and not having to hang off of the chandeliers each and over time are good things too.
4. Morning Sex
GiphyI’ve been working with married couples for close to two decades now and when it comes to the healthiest ones in the bunch, one thing that they have in common is they prioritize sex (check out “Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?” and “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important”). Even if they can’t do it the 90s R&B way (you know, all night long, chile), they will fit in a quickie or some morning sex — and good for them.
Morning sex gives you a good dose of “feel good” hormones at the start of your day, helps to strengthen your immune system, makes it easier for you to be productive through the day, helps you to feel closer to your partner until you can be in each other’s space again and, some studies even say that it can give you stronger orgasms too.
You know, I once read thatalmost 65 percent of women never engage in morning sex — that is absolutely insane to me. Now that you see all of the ways that it can benefit you (and your relationship), if you happen to fall into that tally, maybe give morning sex a shot to see if it can become your new favorite type of sex.
5. Spontaneous Sex
GiphyNatural. Impulsive. Without premeditation. These are some of the words that are typically used to define the word “spontaneous.” When it comes to sex, specifically, what I like about it (especially when it comes to couples who have been in long-term relationships) is that it reveals what happens when people are so into each other that they simply can’t hold back; they’ve got to have each other NOW. Spontaneous people send each other nasty texts just because. Spontaneous people meet up at home at lunch (and not to eat…well, traditionally so…LOL).
Spontaneous people book hotel reservations on a whim. Spontaneous people have sex in the middle of the night. Spontaneous people are oftentimes very vocal about how they feel and what they want when it comes to copulation. One of the best things aboutbeing a spontaneous individual — and definitely liking spontaneous sex — is everything doesn’t revolve around a plan. Spontaneous sex is very lust-driven and since lust means things like “intense sexual appetite” and “uncontrolled desire” — in context, what could possibly be wrong with that?
6. Synchrony Sex
GiphySynchrony is all about something happening simultaneously. So, when you apply this word to sex, it’s when you and your partner feel totally in sync with one another on a physiological level. For instance, some studies say thata blind date is a win or an epic failure based on how much physiological synchrony comes into play because it’s all about things like heart rates beating at a similar pace and evenskin conductance (which is literally like an electrical current that is exchanged) aligning. And just how in the world can you create this if it doesn’t come automatically?
Engaging in things like orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”), spending time holding hands and cuddling, being intentional about spending quality time together — all of this can create physiological synchrony which can, in turn, intensify intimacy. Something else that’s cool about synchrony sex is when your bodies are on the same wavelength and you’re able to “breathe together,” it can increase your chances of experiencing an orgasm at the same time as well.
7. Solace Sex
GiphyIf you or your partner is someone who struggles with some level of anxiety, some or more solace sex may be what is needed. Solace sex is basically all about providing someone with reassurance. That said, I do think it’s important to go on record that this shouldn’t be used as a crutch.
What I mean by that is, if you are constantly participating in solace sex because someone has a crippling level of low self-esteem or they are extremely insecure, having sex with them to make them feel better about themselves is ultimately going to be counterproductive and, quite frankly, could end up turning into something toxic.
A lot of people engage in solace sex, whether they realize it or not; and that’s how sex ends up being misused instead of fully enjoyed (some of y’all will catch that later).
8. Make-Up Sex
GiphyHow many times have you heard someone (whether in media or in real life) say something along the lines of“Make-up sex is the best sex”? Any time I do, the characters Marcus and Angela from Tyler Perry’s movie Why Did I Get Married? almost instantly come to mind because remember how toxic they were and yet Marcus said that he didn’t mind fighting a lot because “the make-up sex was insane”? Yeah, it’s unfortunate how many people mistake craziness for passion which is a big part of the reason why I once penned, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” for the platform.
Reconnecting with your partner via sex after a disagreement is fine. Being so poor at communicating that the two of you rely on sex to “gloss things over”? Eh…not so good. At the end of the day, make-up sex should be about celebrating reaching a resolve — not doing whatever you can to deflect from or avoid doing the work that it takes to actually find one.
9. Casual Sex
GiphyIf you’ve ever read my article, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'” before, you already know it’s something that I’m not personally fond of; mostly because I know that casual means things like “careless” and “apathetic.” Luckily, I’m not the only one who feels this way because more and more mental health and relationship experts are saying that our so-called hook-up culture has more “side effects” than a lot of people want to admit. Take the article, “The Problem with Hooking Up” which I once checked out on Boston University’s website. A part of what it said is this:
“Hooking up can be risky because the relationship is not typically monogamous, and when it’s labeled as a friends-with-benefits relationship or other similar pseudo-commitment, it can lead to a false sense of security that might make people be less cautious.”
Are there any pros to casual sex? I mean, if what you’re after is purely recreational sex and you’re being safe (both physically and emotionally), I could see why it’s a “plus” in some people’s books. I’ll just say that as someone who used to be notorious for having sex with friends back in my sexually active days if you signed up for someone to have no real plans for/with you beyond getting off, you can’t get mad when they stick to their end of the deal. Just sayin’.
10. Mindful Sex
Giphy“Mindful” is one of those buzzwords that pops up a lot on the internet these days yet have you ever wondered exactly what it means to be that kind of person? To be mindful is to be fully present. To be mindful is to have a heightened level of awareness. To be mindful is to be intentional about not overthinking. To be mindful is to be super thoughtful and considerate towards others. And if you translate all of this into the act of sex — can you see how mindful sex can be extremely powerful and intimate? There’s no way you can rush through foreplay and consider yourself a mindful sex participant.
There’s no way you cannot know your partner’s needs and consider yourself a mindful sex participant. There’s no way that you can always have quickies only and consider yourself to be a mindful sex participant. Out of all of these, mindful sex is the kind of sex that all couples in long-term relationships should aspire to have the most often because mindful sex truly is some of the best sex (check out “Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels” and “How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?”). If you’re planning on having sex tonight, try and be mindful about it; watch how it takes things to a completely different level.
11. Solo Sex
GiphySolo sex is basically masturbation. Aside from the fact that it’s probably the safest way to enjoy sexual stimulation without the risk of pregnancy or contracting an STI/STD, there’s also no way around the fact that it providessome of the same health benefits as sex with another person does include a decrease of stress levels, reducing the intensity of period cramps, making it easier to fall and stay asleep, strengthening your pelvic floor and, assome experts say, it can help to reduce some of the symptoms that come with perimenopause/menopause as well. Just one (main) word of caution here: if your solo sex consists of sex toys, “too much of a good thing” could affect how you feel about sex with actual people — and not in a good way.
There areplenty of articles out in cyberspace that (fore)warn individuals that sex toys can make it so easy to orgasm that you find yourself either faking orgasms with your partner (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”) or disconnecting on some level with them because you’re so climax-focused that you’re not connection-driven. Solo sex can also make you a selfish (self-consumed) sex partner if you do it excessively too because, if you have mastered how to get your own self off, doesn’t it make sense that being patient enough to show someone else might feel like a complete waste of time? Balance is key with solo sex; that’s for sure.
12. Foreplay
GiphyForeplay is the appetizer before the meal. It’s what sexually arouses us to the point where we want to have sex and, from a physical standpoint, since lubrication makes sex more pleasurable for women, foreplay tends to be very necessary too. And why am I closing out with this one? It’s because some people are so into foreplay that they barely even “show up” for sex. Because they get a lot of what they need from foreplay alone, the act of sex doesn’t seem very necessary for them — which can cause real issues if their partner doesn’t feel the same way.
Bottom line with foreplay is it’s beautiful and essential, more times than not. It’s also something that you shouldn’t get in a rut about (meaning, just like sex shouldn’t always be routine, foreplay shouldn’t be either). Just make sure that you see it in the way that it was intended — warming up the engine before actually driving the car (so to speak).
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There you have it, y’all — 12 types of sex. Now that they’ve been broken down a bit, which one is your automatic go-to (it always works), which one is your favorite (your preference), and which one should you try out more? Because just like you can havea type of man, you can have a type of sex. AND just like your guy type can keep you stuck if you’re not careful…your type of sex can too.
Learn and explore. Rinse and repeat. Enjoy over and over. In that order too, sis.
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