Quantcast

5 Signs It's Time To End Your Friends With Benefits Relationship

Love & Relationships

Maybe it started off as just a friendship and, from there, sex got involved. Perhaps sex was the starting point and a friendship was built. There may have not even been sex involved at all. Maybe there was a friendship with sexual or emotional tension so thick that it could cut through ice.

Friends with benefit situations are extremely hard to escape from with both parties being completely unscathed. At some point or another, one of those two people are going to get their feelings hurt. If your friends with benefits situation has been holding on by a thread, it may just be time to cut him and yourself loose before things become even more complicated.

Here are 5 of the most common signs that it's time let the comforts of your Netflix and chill FWB go.

1. The Respect Is Gone

No relationship can be successful without respect. If you find yourself constantly trying to leverage with him to give you the bare minimum amount of respect you deserve, you no longer feel fulfilled in your friendship, or your closest girlfriends have pointed out on a number of occasions of how disrespectful he is towards you, the respect is definitely gone.

There is no point in sticking around trying to convince him why he should respect you. You know how you deserve to be treated and it's probably how you have continued to treat him regardless of his recent disrespectful streak.

The best way to gain your respect back is by showing him how much you respect yourself and gracefully bowing out. Perhaps in the future, a friendship can continue, but staying to try to convince someone you are worth respect is counterproductive to gaining the respect you deserve.

2. He's Moved On

Eventually, you both knew one or both of you would meet someone and eventually get into serious relationships. Maybe deep down inside, you hoped that special someone would be you, but things didn't exactly go that way. He might have sprung it on you out of nowhere or your investigation skills may have come into play and you figured it out on your own. Regardless of how you found out, you know now that you are no longer his number one.

I remember a situationship I was in, where I told the guy I was seeing, the moment I was no longer the one he wanted to share his memories with was the moment I would no longer be interested in carrying on the type of friendship I had with him. I knew my limits. I knew what I was comfortable with and I have never been comfortable not being the only one. As a woman, as hard as it can be to see the person you've been sharing your time, emotions, and possibly even body with has chosen someone else other than you, trying to convince him to stay, or worse, competing with another woman always ends badly.

If he wanted to be with you, he would have made that clear, and choosing to be with another woman says the exact opposite. Remember the beautiful memories you created together but don't stay in that place of regret or trying to fight for something that was never yours to begin with.

3. It's No Longer Fun

When you first became friends, things were fun! You saw each other when you wanted to, every moment with him was intense. It didn't matter what you were doing together, you knew you were going to have an amazing time. If you find yourself questioning why are you even still dealing with him, if he's not treating you how he did in the beginning or even middle, or if he seems uninterested in carrying on the friendship - why stress yourself out trying to make it work?

As a friend, it's always a good idea to find out if everything in his life is going okay. It could be stress or a slew of other problems bothering him, but if you feel it in your heart of hearts that it's something deeper and directly related to him no longer being interested in your friendship, bowing out may be the best bet, especially if he's man enough to be upfront with you.

4. You're In Too Deep

The slightest disagreement with him sends your emotions overboard. You find yourself checking all of his social media accounts to see what other women he's checking for or who is checking for him. The last time at his house, it took everything in you not to use his thumb to unlock his phone while he was sleeping. You ask him about other women, he laughs it off. You tell him how you've been feeling lately, he laughs that off as well

The mere thought of him no longer being in your life is enough to drive you to tears. The reality of friends with benefits type situations is that there is absolutely no commitment and that is both what attracts people and is usually the cause of their demise as well.

If it's clear his feelings are nowhere as deep as yours and you are driving yourself crazy trying to figure out why not, it's time to move on. You can't force a person to love you or share the feelings you do. You can't sex someone, feed someone, friend someone, or love someone into loving you. As harsh as it sounds, and as much as fuckboys say it, you knew what you signed up for. You can't get mad at him for not gaining the feelings that you did. In this case, it's best to let it go and realize that a friends with benefits situation is not something that you are truly seeking in a man. You want a relationship and that is fine, it just wont be with this guy at this time.

5. He Wants More And You Don't

Maybe your friendship is based on him being the shoulder you cry on. He's your stability. He is the guy you can call at 2 a.m. to come fix your tire, but he's not boyfriend, zaddy, or husband material. Maybe your physical relationship is amazing, but you can't bring him to meet the parents nor would you ever want to. You know all the reasons why he will never be the man for you, but you like how things are going and he does too, right? Wrong!

You probably knew from the beginning that his feelings were deeper than yours, or perhaps lately he's been way more emotional than usual and he's not letting up on calling you his "girl" no matter how many times you've asked him not to. Just like women, men can catch feelings just as easily and fall just as hard. If you know that you would never want to be in a relationship with him, but he wont let up on the subject you have to end the benefits of the friendship, understand that means no more calling him with your emergencies in the middle of the night, no more sex, no more doing all of the relationship things that have aided in making him fall for you. To continue with the benefits aspect is not only confusing, it's cruel.

If you know you have no intentions in being with this man, stop making him believe he has a chance with you and torturing him even more. Moving on from the situation may be difficult because he has been your saving grace in more than a few occasions but you know it's only hurting him the more you continue with your friendship.

At the end of the day, friends with benefit situations can be doable for people that are ready and willing to handle the highs and the lows that can definitely come with sharing your heart, bed, or food with no strings. Yes, food too! Ya'll know a man can get attached once he's tasted your grandma's famous macaroni and cheese recipe, greens, and hot water cornbread. I digress. It's better to cut ties than to draw out the inevitable and create a blood bath of emotions.

Let it go now and save the friendship, or continue to hold on to a dead situation that can result in the end of a once beautiful friendship.

Love and light.

Featured image via Giphy

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

If there's one thing Historically Black Universities are known, it's fostering a sense of interconnectedness for collaborative genius to thrive. Of all campuses, it was on the soil of The Mecca, Howard University, where She'Neil Johnson-Spencer and Nicolette Graves rooted their friendship and aligned their passion for beauty and natural brains. Today, the two have founded a skincare brand of their own, Base Butter, that has not only carved out their niche space in the market but rallied a community of women to glow from the inside out.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

August invites you to shine bright like the sun which requires you to leave behind the sob stories of being the underdog. Recognize your power as a reflection of the Divine and watch how far you can go. Be mindful of that inner critic when Mercury enters Virgo. For every negative thought, counteract it with three compliments about yourself. When Venus enters her home sign, relationship matters get a whole lot sweeter after the wild ride that was Mercury Retrograde.

Keep reading... Show less

This article is in partnership with Staples.

As a Black woman slaying in business, you're more than likely focused on the bottom line: Serving your customers and making sure the bag doesn't stop coming in. Well, there's obviously more to running a business than just making boss moves, but as the CEO or founder, you might not have the time, energy, or resources to fill in the blanks.

Keep reading... Show less

Lawd, lawd. I'm assuming that I'm not being too presumptuous when I start this all out by saying, I'm pretty sure that more than just a few of us can relate to this title and topic. I know that personally, there are several men from my sexual past who would've been out of my space a lot sooner had the sex not been…shoot, so damn good. And it's because of that very thing that you'll never ever convince me that sex can't mess with your head. The oxytocin highs (that happen when we kiss, cuddle and orgasm) alone can easily explain why a lot of us will make a sexual connection with someone and stay involved with them for weeks, months, years even, even if the mental and emotional dynamic is subpar, at best.

Keep reading... Show less

"Black men, we're in constant warfare. Every day is a fight outside of my house, so why would I want to come home to more fighting when that is the very place where I should be resting? There are loved ones who I don't speak to as much anymore because they aren't peaceful people. A huge part of the reason why I am happier without my ex is she was rarely a source of peace. The older I get, the more I realize that peace really is the foundation of everything; especially relationships, because how can I nurture anything if I'm in a constant state of influx and chaos? Guys don't care how fine a woman is or how great the sex may be if she's not peaceful because there is nothing more valuable than peace. If the closest person to me is not a source of it, that can ultimately play a role in all kinds of disruption and destruction. No man wants that."

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts