When it comes to "friends with benefits", we are usually discouraged from participating in this type of relationship. I think that is because they usually tend to be one-sided. One person usually wants more while the other does not want to commit to more with that person and is satisfied with a purely sexual relationship. The person that wants more usually becomes a reluctant participant in the game in hopes that one day the other person will want more and choose them. While that situation may be the norm when it comes to friends with benefits, it is not always the case.
Sometimes two people are on the same page and truly only want one thing from each other. In those instances, it is still important to set rules and boundaries.
Also, it's important to have check-ins from time to time. Just to see if you are both still on the same page and assess if anything has changed. Maybe things are going well with the guy that you have been casually dating and you two have been talking about becoming exclusive. Or maybe you're starting to catch feelings. The one thing constant thing is change so check-in with your casual partner and keep the following guidelines in mind.
1.Be Honest
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you can really handle this sort of arrangement. Is being in an FWB really what you want? If you are absolutely sure you can handle it, it's equally as important to be honest with your partner too. Be upfront and honest about what you like and/or don't like. If you're not enjoying yourself, then what's the point really? Also, if you find that one day you're just not interested in participating anymore, you should definitely let them know. Don't feel pressured to continue just because you previously agreed to it. You are always allowed to change your mind about anything.
2.Choose Wisely
I learned my lesson about dating in the workplace in my 20's so I would definitely not recommend indulging in a friends with benefits situation with a coworker. Things could go left and quickly. If you want to choose a casual partner to engage in a friends with benefits relationship, consider choosing an actual friend. Or if you want to avoid the potential for things to go awry, choose someone in your life that you don't secretly harbor feelings for or see a future with. It allows you to stay present and in the moment of not wanting anything more.
3.Set Rules and Expectations
Yes, rules. You two may decide that you will only sleep with each other or maybe you've decided that you aren't allowed to question the other about anything that does not involve the two of you, while others have a "no cuddling" or "no sleeping over" rule. The rules or expectations that you set are not one size fits all and will be determined by the individuals involved in the friends with benefits relationship but in a situation like this, it is always a good idea to set some rules and try your best to follow them. Boundaries are beautiful.
4.Stay Safe
Even if you two agreed to only sleep with each other, let's be honest, things happen in the heat of the moment and people aren't always comfortable being upfront about them. You two are not in a committed relationship so that person may not necessarily feel obligated to divulge that information to you. Your safety is literally up to you and only you. Take care of yourself and make sure that safe sex is of the utmost priority in your relationship.
5.No Catching Feelings
Whew...this one is easier said than done but if this thing is going nowhere but the bedroom, it has to be done for your own sake. Of course, feelings and matters of the heart often don't care what the mind tells them but, it's important to at least keep them in check. You signed up for a strictly friends with benefits situation so that means no asking him who that was that texted him the last time you were over at 1 in the morning and certainly no catching an attitude because you didn't like the comment that some chick left under his latest Instagram post. You're there for one thing and one thing only, so you have to operate accordingly. And that goes for the both of you. Stay in your lane.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
