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What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?
Ah, abstinence. If there is one topic that I can speak on, from very up close and personal experience, for years on end (le sigh), it would be this. And since I’ve actually noticed that more and more articles in cyberspace are talking about the fact that more and more people are practicing abstinence (for a myriad of reasons, chile) — I thought that this was a topic that might be of interest to some of you who may be considering it…but you aren’t sure what kind of price you will have to pay, as far as your vagina is concerned, in order to do it.
Now, before we get into all-a-dat, let me first say that a lot of what I’m about to share with you, you won’t notice until you decide to return to having sex. This is important to keep in mind because what I’m basically telling you is, while you’ve got your va-jay-jay on ice, for the most part, nothing really noticeable happens — at least, not to her directly. When your period rolls around, things might get a little dicey…but let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.
As far as the intro is concerned, as someone who’s had less bladder and yeast infections and less of a need to get pap smears (because when you’re not having sex, you don’t need them as often), in many ways, I think my vagina has been grateful to me for the sexually-related time off. Whenever I return, though, from what I’ve read, researched, and interviewed folks on…this is probably what I’ll have waiting for me. You too, chile. Ready?
What Happens To Your Vagina When You Stop Having Sex
1. Your Vagina Doesn’t Get As Tight As You Might Think
Listen, not to ruffle any feathers or anything, yet I do find it pretty interesting that while so much of social media says that body count doesn’t matter, at the same time, vaginoplasty (a procedure that consists of tightening the vagina) and even hymenoplasty (a procedure that consists of creating a second hymen) are on the rise (chile). Anyway, if getting a tighter vagina is what you’re after, and you’re thinking that abstinence will do that for you, the answer is “yes” and “no.”
On one hand, your vagina is super resilient (which is why it can “bounce back” after you vaginally birth a child), and so, if you go some months or years without sex, it will tighten up somewhat; however, don’t rely on it to return to how things were before you were having sex (especially if you use a menstrual cup, large tampons or penetrative sex toys).
In some ways, this could be a good thing because, once you return to sex, although penetration might be a bit uncomfortable, it shouldn’t feel like the very first time you experienced coitus (unless you have lost some of your estrogen and progesterone levels which can affect the elasticity of your vaginal walls like when it comes to, say, menopause). And for most of us, that is a huge sigh of relief.
2. Your Vaginal Walls May Be a Bit Weaker
If you’re a woman who is returning to sex while you’re either on the tail end of perimenopause or during menopause, your vaginal walls may have become weaker. That’s because, as your body loses estrogen, it can create what is known as vaginal atrophy — and that can either make sex painful or it could irritate your vagina afterward.
Is there anything that you can do to avoid this? Ironically, remaining sexually active is one tip. However, if you exercise on a consistent basis, keep perfumed products outta there, and you drink a lot of water, all of this can help to keep your walls in a less fragile state as well.
3. Vaginal Lubrication Might Be Different
One of the most telling signs that you’re sexually aroused is your body increases lubrication in your vaginal region. That’s because something known as your Bartholin glands are able to produce more fluid so that there is less friction during intercourse. If you don’t use them, while you won’t lose them, they can become a bit dormant, which means that they might need some time to get fully up and running (no pun intended) again — and that could take longer than the first couple of times that you return to sex.
Thankfully, there are lubricants on the market that you can use. Or, if you’d prefer to go the natural route, check out “Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally.” whenever you get a chance.
4. Vaginismus Might Become an Issue
If you’ve ever had a charley horse before, long story short, that’s what vaginismus is all about: feeling like you have a charley in your vagina. LISTEN. And how in the world does that happen? Well, if your vagina is used to having nothing up in it and then something like some fingers or a penis enter in, that could create involuntary muscle spasms that range from mildly uncomfortable to hella painful.
Is there any way that you can “pregame” to avoid this from becoming an issue? Kegels can help because they are teaching your vagina how to contract and release again. However, if it’s an ongoing issue, you might want to book an appointment with a reputable licensed sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”); they can help you to see if what’s going on is physical or if there is some sort of stress or anxiety that’s triggering so much of the discomfort.
5. Your Menstrual Cramps May Intensify
Okay, this is something that you may notice during your seasons of celibacy: your menstrual cramps may go up a notch. Why? Well, one thing that orgasms are able to do is actually reduce the amount of period tension that your body may experience. So, if you’re not gettin’ any, I’m sure you can see how that could mean a more uncomfortable situation during that time of the month. Of course, some women use masturbation as their abstinence workaround. If you’re one of them, then this point may not apply to you. Understood.
6. When You Return to Sex, It’ll Be Easier to Get a Yeast Infection
Aight, so here’s something that you might not be prepared for. If you’ve been practicing celibacy, gone a while without sex, and you return to it, you could end up with one hell of a yeast infection (I know, right?). What’s worse is it could happen whether you use a condom or not. How is this even possible? Well, when you didn’t have anyone else all up in your stuff, your vagina’s pH got used to that.
Then, once you decide to bring someone else’s bodily fluids into the mix, that can throw your pH totally off, which can result in an overgrowth of bacteria in your va-jay-jay — and that can cause a yeast infection (even if your partner doesn’t have one at the time of sleeping with you). And why/how would a condom do the same thing? Well, if the brand that you use contains spermicide, which can oftentimes irritate your vagina, also throw off your pH, and welp — here comes the itching, irritation, and unwanted discharge, chile. SMDH.
If It’s After Menopause, Consider This Too
And what if you went through your season of abstinence during the 12 months when your period decided to stop completely? The main thing to stay on top of is getting your hormone levels checked because, when both your estrogen and progesterone levels are low, that can affect your holistic desire for sex — and that could end up gaslighting you if your mind is ready and yet…it’s still hard to get your heart and body to join in.
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If you just read all of this and thought, “Damn. Is abstinence even worth it then?” — if you’re doing it to reset your mind, break some cyclic ish, rediscover your own sexual and relational needs, better understand the purpose of sex, and/or spiritually evolve…then YES, it’s worth every single day that you do it. Articles like this are simply designed to not blindside you — because, when you don’t use your vagina, sexually, you should know that it could go through a few “umm, what is going on?” moments as it gets its muscle memory back. Kind of literally.
The good news is our vaginas are resilient AF. So, while it could take a bit of adjusting to get back into the groove of things, with some prepping and patience…it will. It absolutely will.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."