

#xoMan: Actor Rob Riley Is More Than Just A Handsome Face
Robert Christopher Riley is hot off the screen just as much as he is on.
Scroll through his Instagram and photos of his chocolate abs and well-groomed beard may have you salivating at work. Amongst his 121,000 followers are women commenting, "Jesus why is he so perfect?" and "He's my #MCM (man crush Monday) every week." One would assume that all of this praise and celebrity would go to Riley's head. However, having known him for several years, prior to the premiere of Hit The Floor, he remains just as humble and gracious as ever.
The star of VH1's nearly too hot for TV scripted series Hit The Floor plays Terrence Wall, a pro-ball player and professional thirst trap--and just our luck, most of his scenes require him to be shirtless. The series follows the lives of “The Devil Girls," a fictional professional dance team for pro basketball team Los Angeles Devils, as they navigate the cut throat world of sports and entertainment. After two successful seasons, the series went on an impromptu hiatus and won't return until 2016, however, the break hasn't fazed Riley who is beyond busy running two companies focused on production and photography.
Before stepping onto the Hollywood scene, the classically trained thespian received his Masters in Fine Arts from Ohio University and spent time on Broadway as an understudy for Terrence Howard in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, which also starred Phylicia Rashad and James Earl Jones. When Riley made his transition into television, his first role was on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
Having already lived a full and exciting life in his 20s, Riley has a wealth of wisdom to share with xoNecole readers about having personal and professional success in your 30s. If you ladies are wondering if Riley is single, yes, he is. Feel free to slide into his DMs, but you have to come correct.
"You need a certain level of intelligence that's closely akin to mine just so neither of us feels inferior to each other," he says. "We need to have relatively the same amount of book and street smarts. At this point in my life she needs to be capable of raising a family. And I'm not talking about her cooking and cleaning for me when I get home, I can do those things."
Whoa! Mind blown--an educated man with two degrees who's an entrepreneur that also cooks and cleans...yes, please! What else is Riley looking for in a relationship? Keep reading on…
xoNecole: What did your mother teach you about relationships and how does that play a role in the type of women you pursue?
RR: My mother led more by example. We never sat down and had the “birds and the bees" conversation. She was a very strong and independent woman; she did everything for herself because it was no one else to do it for her. She left my father when I was maybe two years old because he was abusive and not a good man by my standards of what a man is supposed to be. Looking at my mother as an example of what a woman is capable of unfortunately has created some very high expectations for the women I've dated.
If I think you're beautiful, that's step one. You've got to be willing to do what it takes to raise a family and for me it's about playing whatever role is necessary. Sometimes the father is the comforting one and sometimes the mother has to be stern. There are some households where the women is the breadwinner and whoever is involved in that relationship can't make the other person feel like shit because they make less.
I'm single right now, but I'm also not interested in just dating for the sake of it. As my great aunt would say, "Everybody needs a little comfort,' but don't mistake comfort for your life partner."
At this point in my life if I'm going to associate with someone, there's going to be some major questions within the first couple dates that if they aren't answered properly we either have to figure it out or it isn't going to work.
xoNecole: What's your advice for women who are ready for a relationship but keep meeting guys who say they're too busy on their “hustle" and their “grind" to date.
RR: Appreciate their honesty! Whether you're a man or a woman, if you're not ready for a relationship, don't do it! A lot of people confuse what they want with what they need. You may want a boyfriend and someone to share your world with, but that may not be what you need right now. What you need is someone who's supportive, who's happy with you doing what's best for you, which sometimes means letting you go. It's sad, but they might be doing you a favor.
I would love to be in a relationship right now, but if the person wasn't exactly what I needed, it would be like a sandbag weighing me down. You don't want to unnecessarily concern yourself with someone that won't add value to your life. There are other ways to surround yourself with people who will give you the same support you think you need from a romantic relationship. Surround yourself with genuine people that you know will always have your back and that doesn't necessarily have to be your boyfriend or girlfriend. That mindset definitely takes some getting used to, and it might mean some lonely nights, but I'll take that as opposed to getting attached to the wrong person. You have to think big picture whenever you get sad and lonely but there are few people that I know who get married at a young age that are still together because you don't know who you are; some people do, God Bless them. But most people don't.
[Tweet "You need time to figure yourself out before you can add someone else to the equation."]
xoNecole: So many actors have the assumption that once they secure a leading role on a TV show, they're financially set. Can you give some insight on the importance of saving your money as well as continuing to hustle during your show's hiatus?
RR: You've got to figure out something to do that doesn't involve you waiting for someone else. For me it's my production company, Hollywood Massive, and my photography company, Fresh Perspectives. Hit The Floor has been great. Season two aired in 2014. We had a marathon in January but the new season isn't premiering until 2016.
For the fans that still love the show and are waiting for it to come back, God bless you. We're hoping that you'll still be there. Undoubtedly we'll have to get a whole new crop of new fans, run some more marathons of seasons one and two and hopefully get people re-interested and re-acclimated to the show. You can't count your chickens before they hatch.
xoNecole: So once an actor books a show they shouldn't buy a house and a Lamborghini?
RR: Nope! And it takes a while to figure that out. Because chances are, if you're like the majority of us, you've spent so long trying to get your big break that once it happens, you just want to celebrate. A lot of people don't understand why these rappers and athletes are throwing money in peoples faces, making it rain in clubs and buying so much expensive stuff; it's because they've spent their entire lives not doing it and now they're like, 'it's my turn!' Oftentimes, that's what gets you into some financial trouble. It's so much easier said than done to realize that things aren't financially solid once you get on a TV show. Now if you've been on a series for several seasons then it gets picked up in syndication and you get one of those checks, that's a different story. But that person may also have a family and other responsibilities and still need other sources of income.
For younger actors who haven't gotten to that particular point in their career that they've been dreaming about, realize that it's a very long road, don't be too quick to celebrate. Being successful is one thing but it's being a “celebrity" that'll get you in trouble. I always put “celebrity" in air quotes when I'm talking about myself. I'll be the first to tell you, I'm a regular person, I just have an interesting job that people like. The best thing you can do as an up-and-coming actor, whenever you decide that you've made it, is take sixty seconds to realize you don't own the network. They could stop running the show whenever they want they can also not hire you back. No one is bigger than any series; understand that this is a business and you have to be prepared for the ups and the downs. You have to realize who you are and what you've been sent here to do and hopefully, it's a little bit bigger than just entertaining people.
xoNecole: What is “Hollywood Massive" and why was it important to you to help people of Afro-Caribbean descent get in touch with their roots?
RR: Hollywood Massive is a production company and a movement. I'm [a] first-generation American. My mom is from Trinidad and my father was from Barbados. Not to long ago, I was trying to figure out what made me the happiest and also what made me different and it turned out to be the same thing, the fact that I'm Caribbean! It was Soca, it was Carnival, curry chicken, ginger beer and all these different things that I loved growing up. Between public school and college, I felt like the love of my culture was thrown on the back burner. It's not that I was pretending, but I felt like I was hiding a part of myself. So now I'm sharing it with people. I know so many people that aren't Caribbean that love the culture and I wanted to share it with as many people as possible-- appreciation without appropriation.
My company produces carnivals, we will cover cultural events and I use my platform as a “celebrity" to bring this movement to an audience that hasn't previously had this experience. I'm striving to be a bridge and stretch my arms as wide as I can and bring a lot of different people together while simultaneously making people proud of me. If there's one young person in Trinidad or Barbados that thinks they can make something of themselves as a result of me, I'm all for that. I also represent Flatbush, and I want to give kids in Brooklyn some one to look up to.
xoNecole: What are some things you know for sure about resilience and perseverance that you would share would someone that's in the midst of a challenging time?
RR: Stay off of social media. It can make you feel like you're not worth anything, like you're not making enough of the right moves. As a photographer, I know a photo is literally a moment in someone's life, you don't know what it took to get there. The person posing in front of the expensive car may be behind on their payments. You don't if the person showing off their nice house can really afford it, it might be going into foreclosure. Don't worry about what someone else is doing; focus on the competition against yourself. If someone tells you your dream is too big, chances are they couldn't do it themselves.
Believe in yourself and make sure your team is strong, take inventory and cut dead weight whenever necessary.
At the end of the day you should be able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you've done. Make sure you're not doing it just for you because when you're gone what's left? Are you just working towards getting a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame? Work towards building a school or mentor some kids, give some type of reciprocation to the world. You don't have to be rich to do something charitable, you just have to understand your power as a human being then go do something impactful.
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
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At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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