A Lot Of Black Women Are Vitamin D Deficient. Here's The Fix.
There are a couple of reasons why I thought that this was an important article to write. For starters, did you know that while around 40 percent of Americans are Vitamin D deficient, a whopping 76 percent of those within the Black community are? Not only that but those who are considered to be obese are 70 percent more likely to have this deficiency than those who aren't. And just why is this the case within our specific ethnic demographic? It's actually linked to the fabulous thing that we all have called melanin. Since we've got so much of this natural pigment in our system, that makes it much more difficult for us to synthesize this nutrient via the sun. As a result, we're at a higher risk for having a weaker immune system, fragile bones, extreme fatigue, back pain, hair loss, muscular discomfort and even depression-related symptoms.
That's not all, though. As more and more studies are coming out about COVID-19, what researchers have also discovered is a part of the reason why Blacks may be more susceptible to being diagnosed with a more severe case of the virus is also due to a lack of Vitamin D in our bodies. This is partly due to the fact that something else that Vitamin D deficiencies can lead to is respiratory infections. So, what a lot of medical professionals are recommending, is that we up our Vitamin D intake.
To me, both of these reasons are valid enough to offer up a few tips on ways that you can get more Vitamin D into your own body. Are you ready to do just that?
Step into the Sun
The most natural and probably easiest way to get more Vitamin D is to spend more time in the sun. Just how much? Well, folks with less melanin are advised to be outside in the midday sun for 10-30 minutes, a few times a week. Those with melanin? 30-45 minutes is beneficial.
Aside from the fact that it can get Vitamin D into your body, natural sunlight is also able to help to reduce your stress levels, strengthen your immunity and even help you to lose weight. Interesting, right?
Use Natural Light Throughout the Day
If your schedule makes it difficult for you to take a break in the middle of the day or to eat lunch outdoors a few times a week, definitely consider opening up your window treatments so that the sun can shine through your windowpanes. It's another relatively easy way to get some Vitamin D. Plus, going with natural light instead of overhead lighting can significantly reduce your monthly energy bill in the process. A win all the way around.
3. Take a Vitamin D Supplement
If you're a supplement taker, you can always add Vitamin D to your list. How much is going to make a real difference in the quality of your health? Well, a lot of medical professionals recommend that you take a pill or capsule that offers you around 600 units per serving on a daily basis. Something that I personally do is take a vitamin that contains calcium, magnesium and zinc (it's a great nerve relaxer and sleep inducer) that has Vitamin D3 (a form of Vitamin D that makes it easier for the body to absorb calcium and magnesium) in it.
4. Consume Some Cod Liver Oil
Listen, I don't know if grandma knew about all of this Vitamin D info or not but some of us remember growing up and having to swallow a teaspoon of cod liver oil (which literally comes from the liver of codfishes).
It was nasty, for sure. Still, what's a trip about it is cod liver oil's an oil that is good for you on a few levels. It helps to decrease inflammation levels in the body; strengthen immunity; lower blood pressure; help to prevent plaque build-up around your arteries; improve vision; elevate brain function; reduce anxiety levels; fight upper respiratory illness; maintain bone density and yes, give you a good fill of Vitamin D.
If you do decide to go this route, just make sure to consult your doctor before taking it if you are pregnant and that you avoid combining it with fish oil, if that is already a part of your daily regimen. The reason why is because, while cod liver oil is good for you, it can be rather potent. Besides, too much of a good thing can sometimes bring about side effects (in this particular case, nosebleeds and heartburn) that you wouldn't expect. By the way, the best place to find cod liver oil is at your favorite local health store or website.
5. Eat Foods That Are High in Vitamin D
Another way to get more Vitamin D into your body is to eat foods that are high in it. Some of those include fish (like tuna, salmon and sardines), shiitake mushrooms, egg yolks, yogurt, almond milk, orange juice, fortified cereals, oatmeal, beef and cheese.
6. Buy a UV Lamp
Something else that can help to boost your Vitamin D are UV lamps. UV stands for ultraviolet and what they do is imitate the sun and how it affects your system. Why would you want to go this route instead of just going outside? Well, a lot of it has to do with your location. If you happen to live in a climate where the sun isn't out as much, a UV lamp can be a pretty awesome alternative.Medical News Today has a list of five different UV lamps that you might want to check out, if you're interested in getting one.
7. See Your Doctor
This last tip could certainly be the first too. If either you want to be absolutely sure that your Vitamin D levels are good or, after trying all of these things, you're still experiencing some of the symptoms that I discussed at the top of the piece, you can always take what is known as a Vitamin D status test. It's a type of blood test that checks for your 25-hydroxyvitamin D levels. If they happen to be below a certain standard, it could mean that you are deficient or even that you've got an underlying health issue like kidney or liver disease. Yes, that can sound semi-frightening at the mere thought of the possibility, yet you won't know until you know…so go. Because the sooner you know how much Vitamin D you need, the sooner you can get to feeling strong and better. Especially while COVID-19 is still around.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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10 Married Couples Share What Kept Them From Actually Filing For Divorce
Whenever people ask me what I do for a living and I get to the part of being a marriage life coach, almost every time, I follow that up by saying, “…my niche is reconciling divorces." Why? Because it’s something that I’m really proud of. Being a survivor of my parents’ divorce, watching the PTSD of other children (including adult children) of divorce, learning a lot when it comes to Scripture and statistics about divorce — realizing that there are other ways to resolve things in a marriage other than divorce…it really and truly has become a passion of mine. Marital covenant, period, is a passion of mine.
That’s why I strive to pen articles like this one every chance that I get. Because in a world where currently (and reportedly) a little over 40 percent of people get divorced (in first-time marriages; the rate has dropped because fewer folks are reportedly getting married too), this is causing our culture to sometimes act like an entire institution should be seen as antiquated and obsolete, I constantly look for opportunities to share the beauty of marriage. This includes the resilience and integrity that comes from couples who consider divorce and yet decide that love will make a way — sometimes even when it seems like there is no way.
Here are 10 of those people. I salute them all.
*I always use middle names for this type of content, so that people can speak freely*
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(Couple #1)
Mitchell. 32. Married for Seven Years.
“Dating sucks. That’s pretty much it. There have been some days when I have been like, ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and then one of my homeboys will call me and talk about what’s happening in these streets, and suddenly my mind goes to, ‘Yes, I can!’ You think I’m playin’ but I’m serious. I know my wife and she knows me. I love my wife, she loves me. Everything out there is a gamble. On our worst days, it sounds like utopia [compared] to dating. I’m good.”
Ursula. 34. Married for Seven Years.
“A lot of people say that marriage is hard work. I wouldn’t say that — it’s more like it just never ends. Nothing says ‘rinse and repeat’ like marriage; that’s what people don’t prepare you for.Then when you factor in life life-ing and your partner pissing you off sometimes…our society is so wired to just end things whenever you feel like it that — of course, it’s tempting. I think what’s kept me from doing it, even on the worst day, is reminding myself that single or not, times are going to be rough. At least I’ve got my bae by my side because I stayed.”
(Couple #2)
Sheldon. 32. Married for 10 Years.
“Divorce is a form of quitting to me and I promised my wife on our wedding day that quitting is something that I would never do. When we went through a rough patch a couple of years back, I was tempted because, when I wasn’t able to provide, I felt like a failure. Losing my job wasn’t my fault. Not fighting for my marriage would’ve been. I couldn’t have a ‘fail’, by my choice, on my conscience.”
Jael. 32. Married for 10 Years.
“We went into counseling last year because the pandemic wore our asses out. We both were at home and [Sheldon] got laid off for six months during lockdown. That meant we were always in each other’s face and, for a minute, I was the breadwinner. The pressure of it all made it tempting to just run away. I literally called a lawyer. What made me not go all the way through with anything is I realized that ‘for worse’ doesn’t mean if the water bill isn’t paid. I had to grow up and accept that I told [Sheldon] and God that I was in this thing. I needed to mean it. I do mean it.”
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(Couple #3)
Keith. 38. Married for 13 Years.
“There’s nothing wrong with staying together for the kids. Too many people are so self-absorbed that they don’t consider the trauma that divorce brings children. I know, firsthand, because my parents are divorced and both of them have been married more than one time since. It teaches you how to disconnect from people easier; to not value your promises as much. I don’t want to leave that legacy for my children. That’s the main reason why I chose to stay.”
Bevin. 38. Married for 13 Years.
“[Keith] is telling a part of the story. We don’t not love each other; it’s just that, marriage goes through phases and when you don’t have the bond of kids, it can be easier to chalk divorce up to ‘What will make me happy?’ instead of ‘How many other people’s lives are we affecting?’ Our kids reminded us that our marriage is bigger than us; that if we walk away, they have to deal with the impact of that — and they may not heal as quickly…they may not be as resilient as we are.”
(Couple #4)
Paul. 38. Married for Six Years.
“What makes a lot of people want to end their marriage is nothing teaches you how to love like that relationship does — and a lot of people want to be loved more than love. When I made the decision to marry this woman, I signed up for learning how to love better. When I wanted to file, I had to remind myself of that.”
Madelyn. 32. Married for Six Years.
“What he’s not telling you is that I cheated a couple of years ago. [Paul] was on the road, I was going through a career change and an ex popped back up in my life. Our affair was brief. Looking back, I should have resolved things with him before I got married because he was always the ‘what if?’ person in my life. I get that I was living a fantasy of what could’ve been while I was a wife. That’s a horrifying thing to admit. I know that [Paul] only stayed because I confessed and he didn’t find out on his own. I stayed because he loved me enough to forgive me. I could never leave that kind of love or man.”
Shellie here: Instances like this one are a big part of the reason why I wrote the article, “Why Every Woman Should Go On A 'Get Your Heart Pieces Back' Tour” back in the day. It’s hard to give all of yourself to someone (which is what you should do when you get married) if you’ve got pieces spread out to other folks. Hey, an ounce of prevention is always gonna be worth more than a pound of cure, chile.
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(Couple #5)
Neale. 40. Married for 12 Years.
“There are seasons in marriage — no one tells you about that. And some people’s ‘winters’ are longer than others. I wish that we had heard about that before we got married because when it’s cold outside and you know that spring is coming, you prepare. When your marriage is below zero with no warmth in sight, you think that divorce is the only option. I think that’s why we’re taught that ‘love is patient.’ Sometimes all you can do is wait and see what comes next. Even despair can’t last forever when you’re with someone who is as determined to see ‘light’ as you are.”
Iris. 40. Married for 12 Years.
“I come from divorce. My mother has been married twice and my father? Let’s just say that he’s made a sport out of remarriage. All I really know is to quit and start over when there is something or someone who I don’t like anymore. When Shellie introduced the concept of happy vs. healthy to us, it changed a lot of things because it’s so not realistic to think that you can be happy all of the time — or that someone should be the one to make you happy. Between that and sheer stubbornness to not be a statistic like my parents, I think that is what kept me out of divorce court. [Neale] being nice on the eyes and great in the bedroom and kitchen doesn’t hurt either.”
(Couple #6)
Charles. 31. Married for Five Years.
“I like peace and although I love my wife, there are certain things about our dynamic that isn’t peaceful. And that is why I contemplated ending our marriage. I stayed because counseling gave us some tips on how to prevent our expectations of each other from ruining our love for each other. If you’re at the end of your rope, see a good counselor. It saved us.”
Divine. 29. Married for Five Years.
“People should conduct interviews not using real names more often because when I tell you that I absolutely cannot stand my mother-in-law? She is so nosey and bitter and bored! My husband knows it too. The first couple of years of our marriage, it was really hard because he was trying to figure out how to love her, love me, and not make either of us feel like he didn’t. But it was coming at the cost of her disrespecting my feelings and our home boundaries. Yep, I was about outta there! Counseling is what saved us — that and him finally confronting the issues, with me present, in order for her to realize that I am the queen of my own home. We’re as good as it can be with her the way that she is. I will say that if you’re dating someone with a toxic mom, think long and hard if ‘forever’ is worth it.”
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(Couple #7)
Joshua. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Tiny things can blow up your marriage. [Yashelle] not liking the same movies. [Yashelle] preferring road trips to the passport stamping. Us not having the same taste in cuisine. Our dating life was a whirlwind, so we figured that we’d figure things like that out after our nuptials. BIG MISTAKE. Our sex life is amazing but there’s only so much sex you can have to avoid the fact that you enjoy different things about life. We separated because we didn’t want to jump straight to divorce without seeing if we could make it work. The time apart gave us the opportunity to slow down and date, if that makes sense. ‘Dating each other’ taught us how to compromise and negotiate. You should never divorce without separating and working on the marriage during your separation in my opinion.
Yashelle. 34. Married for 11 Years.
“You can love someone and just not like them very much. When [Joshua] and I got married, all we focused on was how much we loved each other — because we did; we still do. What living together showed us is we didn’t have as much in common as we thought and a lot of marriage is about seeing if you can get through the day, mostly on the same page, with your husband. Our senses of humor are different. We like to do different things with our free time. In a lot of ways, our personalities don’t exactly mesh. Why did we get married then?
"Spiritually, we are the same. We have similar goals and plans. We see family the same way. Don’t even get me started on the sex! Sometimes you don’t realize that you need love and like to make it work, so we had to separate for a minute to figure out what to do. We found some middle ground. I’m glad we did. I don’t regret marrying him or separating from him. I know I would have regretted divorcing him.”
(Couple #8)
Hamilton. 35. Married for Three Years.
“Anyone who thinks it’s weird for newlywed couples to consider divorce, they don’t know marriage very well. Y’all, I love my wife but when I tell you that we were not prepared for what marriage demands, that is such an understatement! The day-to-day of meeting someone else’s needs with no end in sight? Nothing shows you that like marriage because, even with kids, those jokers leave one day. I went through about four months when I grieved my bachelor pad and just having solitude. It wasn’t about anything other than that. Then I had to remind myself that [Xena] is the love of my life and that I will never meet another woman like her…EVER. Loving her wins out over loving my single life.”
Xena. 34. Married for Three Years.
“He’s right. When you had a blast as a single person, no matter how much you love someone, it can be a real jolt to have to share a bathroom, to have different wake-up times, to have different cleaning expectations, to not be on the same sex schedule, to…to…to. When it’s new, jumping out as soon as you jump in is hella tempting. I’m glad we didn’t do it but I understand why newlyweds do. My advice would be to strive for year five; I hear it gets much better after that. That’s what we’re doing.”
Shellie here: If you’re engaged and you’d like some heads up in this department, check out “6 Challenges All Newlyweds Should Expect In Their First Year Of Marriage” and also “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'”.
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(Couple #9)
Abel. 37. Married for Nine Years.
“Fertility issues are what damn near tore us apart. Have you ever seen that indie jointIncomplete? That is how I felt that my marriage was for a couple of years. When you first get married and you both want kids, you think that challenges could possibly happen to anyone but you and your wife. After testing and scheduled sex and procedures and thousands of dollars out of the window with still no baby, even to this day, it makes you feel like a failure — like you failed your spouse, marriage, and future. Then there’s the temptation to divorce so that you both can see if you can create a different type of outcome with another person. This is the s-it that people won’t talk about — how to come back from all of that. I stayed because [Rebekah] is my family, even if we never have [biological] children. Our journey tested me to come to that place.”
Rebekah. 35. Married for Nine Years.
“Infertility can be embarrassing. Not so much with other people because we have a truly supportive tribe. It can be hard to look at your partner in the eyes, after months and months of having the same goal and things not working out. And when it borders on humiliation, that can make you want to end it. I stayed because I tried to imagine what life would be like without my man and I can’t fathom it…I literally can’t see it. I’d rather have the assurance of him than lose him and not get someone as amazing — even if our own child doesn’t come out of the deal.”
(Couple #10)
Ezrin. 48. Married for 19 Years.
“When people ask how long we’ve been married, I think it’s really funny how they react. 19 years is not a record breaker; I just think that people are used to folks not keeping their own word when it comes to marriage. Marriage isn’t always easy. Temptations come. Hardships are gonna kick your butt sometimes. You made a promise to someone you love, though, and that should be enough. Your word to the love of your life should take power over life not being just how you like it or want it every day.”
Queen. 44. Married for 19 Years.
“My husband knows that there have been two times when I’ve talked to a [divorce] lawyer. I don’t want to get into it — I’ll just say that you can learn a lot of things about yourself that you don’t want to know when you’re married and sometimes what you see can almost suffocate you. [Ezrin] standing by my side and not being afraid of my own fears is what kept me from going through with it. Surviving divorce takes your marriage to another level entirely. I love this man completely.”
____
Audrey Hepburn once said, “If I ever get married, I want to be very married.” That said, it’s oh so easy to put on a dress and throw a big party called a wedding. You’re actually “very married” when you and your man have gone through some things and decided to stick it out anyway.
If you are married and you’re going through a bit of a rough patch, I hope these stories will inspire you to try and stick it out. If you’re not married, I hope this has taught or reminded you that marriage is wonderful — and it can be challenging. Choose your partner wisely, so that, during the hard times, hopefully, both of you will be able to share how you avoided actually…filing for divorce too.
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