Kamala Harris' "Later-In-Life" Love Story Is Proof That Marriage For Women Is Evolving
Kamala Harris is making history as the first woman, and first woman of color, to serve as Vice President of the United States. Of course, like any boss would, she is adjusting well to the role, calling shots and making her presence known as the Madame. And her husbae, Doug Emhoff, is right by her side, in a shift we stan: playing the supportive role of the very first second gentleman in history.
As the country is recovering from Valentine's Day mode, experts are calling out an interesting marriage trend, which Harris is interestingly becoming the face of: a growing demographic of women marrying later in life—if at all. And now, the median age of first marriage has also been steadily increasing, with around 16% of Americans never marrying until their late 40's. Additionally, last year there were approximately 40 million never-married women age 15 and older in the U.S., compared to 27 million in 2000.
And Auntie Kamala is a walking, talking, bossing poster child of it all.
Bella DePaulo, a California-based social scientist and the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, believes these demographic trends do mean that, statistically, it is increasingly likely that "more women in the public eye will be people who have been unmarried their whole life."
Additionally, Kamala, who does not have biological children of her own, is also part of this newfound wave of women who have decided not to have children, to have fewer children, or simply having them later in life. When she became the first Black American and Asian-American to serve as California's attorney general in 2011, she wasn't married, she had no children. She didn't even meet her now-husband, until she was in her late 40's after her and Emhoff, a Los Angeles-based entertainment lawyer, were set up on a blind date in 2013 by Harris' best friend.
But Emhoff always knew they would be married. She wrote in her 2019 memoir, The Truths We Hold:
"The morning after our first date, [Doug] sent an email to set up future dates, writing, "I'm too old to play games or hide the ball ... I really like you, and I want to see if we can make this work." No games. To the point. Maturity in the forefront."
Less than a year later, they were married. And, Harris shared in Instagram, "We've been making it work ever since."
And by "making it work," we mean quitting-his-job-and-holding-her-Bible-while-she's-sworn-in-as-one-of-the-leaders-of-the-free-world.
--
OK this is all nice, sis, but what point are you trying to make, what are you trying to say?
Women are unapologetically moving in sync, and we are making our own rules outside of the misogyny that we've grown so accustomed to. Kamala found love at 49, got married at 50, became a stepmother and now is Vice President of the United States.
Let's normalize women believing that they can do anything, even inventively changing the world. And they can do so without having to be married...yet.
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Featured image via Giphy
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
