
The Van Life Chose Me: 5 Black Women Share Their Experience With Solo Female Van Life

I'm a natural-born wanderer. Adventure is my thing. I'd like to think every moment of life is an adventure. I seek it, I crave it, and I need it. It's one drug I will always be addicted to. From horseback riding in Baja Cali, whitewater rafting in the Kern River, riding an ATV in Mexico, hiking in Hawaii, and driving up to the highest mountain peak in Colorado. It's the adrenaline rush for me. Typically, travel fulfills my endless need for adventure. Airports and airplanes excite me. Since the 'Rona, I have opted for short road trips within my home state. And many of us have indulged in cross-country road trips to reduce our FOMO as travel was canceled for most of this pandemic.
BUT what if you can make road trips a lifestyle? Because you absolutely can and it's not a new thing. Men and women have been converting vans into living spaces for decades. From 2017 to 2019, van life has been trending among millennials. If the pandemic showed us anything, it's working remotely, and traveling is more than doable. And more recently, not only has solo female van life emerged, but black women are choosing to live this bohemian lifestyle too. If you search the hashtag #blackvanlife, 5,000 plus photos and videos of melanin poppin' queens and their beautifully remodeled vans in picturesque places across the United States will pop up.
So, what is a van build, you ask? It's when you purchase a van, remove the interior, and convert it into a dope-ass living space. Some van builds include a sink, solar panels, shower, and a toilet. Most van builds are equipped with a bed, table, hidden storage spaces, table, stove, oven, and a mini-refrigerator. It's whatever you want it to be. That's the beauty of it – you make your living space work for you.
xoNecole interviewed five black women on their van builds. Meet these free-spirited black queens and learn what they had to say about the solo female van life below.
Meet the Black Women Living Their Best Lives in Solo Van Builds
1. Candyss Love, 31
Candyss is known as the "Beyonce of Van Life". She travels solo with her German Shepard Cleo. She is a military veteran, police officer, criminal justice instructor, life coach, and entrepreneur. Candyss is an empowered solo female world traveler that traded in fear and trauma for purpose and intentional growth.
2. Paulett Jones, 45
Paulett has spent 26 years in the mental health industry and is now a certified life coach, motivational speaker, and author ofBest Secrets Unfold. She is currently studying for her Leadership and Ministry degree and her life's work allows her to change lives with deep compassion and honesty.
3. Natasha Van Horne, 30
Tasha is a full-time EMT/Scheduler Assistant, single mom, and van lifer. When she's not working, wrangling a six-year-old, or improving her van - you can find her out in the wild exploring a new location, or researching a new adventure. Natasha believes that life should be lived to the fullest and that the only things holding us back are ourselves. Her passion is breaking out of her comfort zones and raising her daughter to love nature and challenge herself.
4. Angie Vasquez, mid-forties
Based out of Florida, Angie currently lives in her self-converted van named Parker. Angie is a lover of the outdoors. Nature is her way to keep herself connected to herself and the universe. As an avid explorer who loves to travel and find places off the beaten path, Angie teaches outdoor classes to women. Her passion for nature allowed Angie to start a women's hiking group,Girls Who Hike Florida. Angie's goal is to continue exploring and teaching other women about all the benefits of the outdoors while learning new things traveling in Parker.
5. Antoinette Yvonne, 32
Antoinette Yvonne is an African-American travel and lifestyle content creator, entrepreneur, van lifer, and nomad. Her entertaining vlogs capture the life of a solo female traveler navigating through life in a luxury converted van. Antionette documents her life, showcasing her up and downs equally. She is also the founder of Globally Abroad, a study and travel company committed to providing international opportunities for the minority youth.
The Inspiration Behind the Van Life
Solo female van life is off the beaten path and unconventional AF. The inspiration to convert a van into a living space van varies across the board. Women desire so much more than what society tells us to be. Most women desire their freedom. Other women just love to travel and want to save the coins while doing so. Some women would even refer to van life as a calling or a healing journey. And for women like Angie and Candyss, a van build was a combination of all of the above. It was also a way to cope with their mental health.
Angie: "I dreamed of van life and knew one day I'd find the perfect one for me. I had previously been living in my car to save money for a van and pay off debt. I bought my van Parker in December 2019 and planned to build it out fall of 2020. I was returning to Alaska to work for the summer season when COVID-19 began. My season was canceled, and I had to choose what to do next.
"Like many, I fell into a bit of depression during the lockdown. I needed to find a way out of my funk, I had to regain control of my circumstances. I asked a friend if I could stay with her and I put my car up for sale to fund the build. I figured what better time to build the van than during quarantine. I spent 10 to 12 hour days for the next couple months to build my tiny home on wheels."
Candyss: "As I journey to exploring the depths of myself, healing my emotional past and intentionally choosing to grow, the quest for FREEDOM became extremely loud internally. I realized I had to decide what freedom meant and looked like for ME outside of the societal norms I'd been programmed and conditioned to follow.
"Going to college, getting married and having a baby just haven't been on my priority list and, as a way to honor myself, I gave myself permission to make my own rules and learn what actually makes me feel happy and free. I chose Van Life because it's truly a tool that helps me connect deeper with myself, my growth, and my spirituality."
Lessons Learned During the Van Build Process
Would you be able to do a van build? Easier said than done, right? It's not for everyone; converting a van into a living space is a process. It takes patience, sacrifice, time, money, and a well-thought-out plan. Some women do it themselves and others have their vans custom-built for them. Below, Angie and Tasha share their experience on the solo van conversion experience.
Angie: "The van build was a bit difficult for me because I had no prior building experience. I knew how to get around a few tools, but I'd never really built anything other than an Ikea bookcase or two. I learned many lessons during the build on how to use larger tools like multiple types of saws, drills, and measuring correctly. My biggest lesson was I can do anything I put my mind to. I built 90 percent of the van on my own through trial and error. It gave me the confidence to get out of my comfort zone and try new things.
"As women, we can sometimes sell ourselves short because of confidence. Building the van showed me I was stronger physically and mentally. It allowed me to understand my needs and teach myself that through trial and error amazing things happen."
Tasha: "I learned that that feeling of knowing nothing is EASILY remedied as you begin the process of a build. I watched videos on several builds but as I started mine and had a non-existent budget, I knew I would need to just try my frugal build ideas and see if they worked. Friends gave me leftover wood flooring so I did a lot of googling how to install a wood floor and then adjusting it to how I would need to do it with minimal tools, or money. I learned I can easily up-cycle furniture, and building things is not as hard as it looked. I'm still learning, but I'm less afraid of the process."
The Van Life Chose Me
Van life is not a movement. It's not just a lifestyle either. It's a calling. A true calling that women feel drawn to live. It's not just about freedom, adventure, travel, and saving money. Van life is about honoring yourself and redefining the American dream. It's realizing what matters more in life – happiness, peace, growth, moments, and memories. Antoinette, Paulette, and Tasha reveal their why behind pursuing the van life.
Antoinette: "Unlike many, van life was something that only took one search down the YouTube rabbit hole and I was hooked. Everyone has their reasons of why they want to but it's the adventure and freedom for me. Two weeks after watching my first #vanlife video, I flew down to Georgia to pick up my van. One month later, I drove her over to Ohio to have her outfitted. I love being 'rich in experience' and this lifestyle was an investment that is beyond priceless.
"I also wanted to be challenged. I've traveled all over the world - many times solo (which pushed me out of my comfort zone). I conquered that. And I knew it was time for a new one. I was getting way too comfortable for my liking. Something that I've learned about myself is that I thrive when challenged. I knew van life would push me to greater heights (mentally, physically, and emotionally) and I was right!"
Paulette: "I purchased my school bus in the year 2019, and almost a year later, the pandemic hit, and I wasn't very sure if I was going to take that leap of faith and continue my plans. However, one day my landlord entered my apartment, and I asked him, 'How the pandemic is treating him?' His exact words were, 'I'm going to move to Florida, retire because I don't like the governor of California, and play golf.' I grabbed my pen, added up how much money my landlord received from me in the past four years. I was blown away by the figures, over $70,000.
"In the middle of a pandemic, he's going to golf. I am 45 years old this upcoming March; I said enough is enough. I've been working in the mental health field for 26 years. I have rescued girls from prostituting, attempt suicide, and so much more. I worked 10 hours shifts for rent, ongoing bills, and hustling every day to stay afloat. All to keep up with the American dream that was embedded in me since I was a little girl. I no longer desire the white picket fence and expensive car in the driveway. I desire peace and understanding."
Tasha: "After a hard separation, I wanted to no longer live paycheck to paycheck. I decided to take my financial freedom back, lessen my bills by living full-time in my van, and to choose my future. Finances play a huge part in all of our lives for freedom, and I didn't want to feel obliged to chase money in order to survive. I wanted to stay working as an EMT, and go on amazing adventures with my daughter, and not get pulled further into the rat race as a single momma. My time is everything and I would rather spend it hiking with my daughter, camping, or backpacking than constantly looking for ways to make more money in the future."
Black Girl Van Life
If you search the hashtag #solofemalevanlife, over 10.1 thousand Instagram posts flood your feed. And if you search the hashtag #vanlife, over 9.2 million posts are returned. But the majority of the posts are white women with an inkblot of women of color. It makes me wonder why van life is seen as a lifestyle that only a subset of women can pursue, when the reality is that there are many Black women and other women of color doing the same thing. Candyss, Tasha, and Paulette share their thoughts on why more Black women are choosing the van life.
Candyss: "I believe as melanated beings, we are of the earth and so many black women embarking on the van life journey is a subconscious form of being called to return home into nature, into exploring and finding ways to thrive without the bounds of society and its unrealistic norms.
"I believe black women are taking their power back and giving themselves permission to embody freedom and cultivating safe spaces to decided what freedom actually means, looks, and feels like for them."
Tasha: "I think that a lot more Black women are choosing this lifestyle because they're finally seeing more diversity in van life and realizing it's a very viable option. Van life is like clay - you can mold it however you desire, and financial freedom helps us reach our goals faster or with less stress and debt. I'm excited to see more women of color choosing this life because by doing so, we show the world the possibilities of how richly we can live life in any circumstance."
Paulette: "I believe we have been conditioned to think a certain way and allow others to define what is the American dream and what is success. I feel black women are saying, 'Enough is enough. It's time to live in peace and harmony of who we truly are.' We are creating our own space and our own opportunities to embrace financial freedom and become more for ourselves. We are black women; we are powerful and it's time to live with grace and understand who we are and who we want to become."
Advice for Other Women Considering the Van Life
If you are considering taking that leap and saying goodbye to the stereotypical American life as we know it, now is the time. This pandemic has not ended. More and more women of color are pursuing remote opportunities and entrepreneurship. And the good thing is, we're moving toward a society that allows for it. Angie, Antoinette, and Tasha share words of encouragement for those seeking the van life.
Angie: "The advice I'd give to other women thinking of building a van and living nomadically is research like there's no tomorrow. Buy a notebook and jot down all of the things you want to accomplish by living in a van. Make a list of what you cannot live without, i.e., sink, bathroom, heat, being able to stand up, storage, etc. Watch van build videos and ask questions. The van life community is really open about helping others. Rent an RV or camper van for the weekend to test out the waters. Join a women's group on Facebook and follow other women in vans on Instagram or YouTube. I'd also say you don't have to have the expensive Mercedes Sprinter with all of the upgrades. It isn't all about the expense but the experience."
Antoinette: "First, know your 'why'! Once you have a full understanding of why you want to do a van build or #vanlife, the process becomes easier. From there you'll discover the where, when, and how. Figuring all of that out will make the van build process ten times easier because you'll build your van with all of those components in mind."
Tasha: "The advice I would give to other women wanting to do a van build is to not give too much time to the fears. Start frugal, don't get what you can't afford, and be willing to take the leap. If you don't like it, you can always do something else. Our biggest boundaries are in our minds and we won't know how something will go unless we try it. As you become who you want to be, you start to find more and more people doing it as well and your community will blossom through the journey."
As a fellow solo female traveler and a woman of color, I always say, you never know until you leap. I tell other women who are wanting to travel solo or live a different lifestyle, that the initial fear is always going to be there. But you must choose what you do with this fear.
Are you going to continue to feed this fear or conquer it? Your intuition is your best friend. Trust yourself sis, and watch your life unfold.
Featured image courtesy of candyss.love/Instagram
Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
This Year, Please Don't Let Valentine's Day 'Infect' Your Relationship
Personally, I think that Valentine’s Day and weddings have quite a bit in common. Both can be wonderful days that are centered around love — so long as the real motives are right. Both can also put couples in debt if they are not careful. And boy, if I hear one more woman say that weddings are “MY day” and/or that she isn’t concerned with doing anything for her man on V-Day because “It’s all about ME,” I think I’m going to scream! SMDH.
Indeed, something else that Valentine’s Day and weddings have in common? You can see how genuine or selfish someone truly is.
Maybe one day, I’ll write something, extensively, about how to not ruin your own wedding day by putting more pressure on you, your man, and/or your expectations than you actually should.
For now, though, since Valentine’s Day is once again upon us, I just wanted to share a few keep-it-in-perspective reminders, so that your relationship can actually flourish on the holiday instead of it finding itself on some pretty shaky ground — because, believe it or not, 1 in 14 people people actually break up with their partner on Cupid’s Day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s (partly) because they weren’t factoring in the following points.
It’s a Sweet Day. Still, It’s Just a Day.
When I was younger, I remember hearing about a local couple who had such an extravagant wedding that they had to live with the wife’s parents for almost three years just to pay it off (they are divorced now, by the way). Goodness, thousands upon thousands of dollars, just for an event that lasts for one day — and not even the entire day, at that.
Are weddings a once-in-a-lifetime event? I mean, they should be (some of y’all will catch that later). Still, does it make sense to spend money that you don’t really have on it? No. It doesn’t. Financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce and 56 percent of couples go into immediate debt just paying for their wedding alone. Hmph, seems to me that folks should either have a wedding that they can afford or…wait until they can actually foot the bill.
Same thing goes for Valentine’s Day, although on a smaller scale. Although I have read before that around 220,000 people get engaged on V-Day and somewhere around six million end up getting married then, unless it’s a diamond ring or a wedding ceremony, it’s my opinion that no one needs to be stressed out, breaking banks, acting like they are a character in a throwback soap opera, simply to express their love for someone else on that day.
On February 15, bills will still need to be paid. In a couple of weeks, rent/mortgages are going to be due. And besides, if the love is both solid and genuine, nothing needs to be “proven” by over-the-top gestures on one day anyway.
That said, is Valentine’s Day a sweet and sentimental day on the calendar to express love? Sure. However, a 24-hour period shouldn’t do so much financial damage that it’s hard to recover once it’s over. And you know what? Any person who pressures their partner into thinking otherwise, they are showing some bright yellow flags at best — which brings me to the next point.
PSA: How Your Partner Acts on Valentine’s Day Is Quite Telling
There’s a guy I know who was all ready to propose to his lady on Valentine’s Day a few years back. He wanted to surprise her and so, he didn’t do anything beyond say “Happy Valentine’s Day” throughout the day.
After it got dark and she didn’t see any flowers or other evidence that he was going to acknowledge the day, she basically flipped out. She told him that she felt humiliated because her other friends had a great day (which of course, they posted online), that she didn’t feel appreciated, and that he didn’t deserve her. As if that wasn’t “enough,” she then decided to go the social media route and pose their situation as a not-so-hypothetical dilemma (meaning, if you knew offline what was going on, you knew that she was talking about her man).
“He” ended up being both hurt and semi-floored that he didn’t even mention that he had a ring in tow. Then, after almost a week of her not answering his calls, he ended it. He sent her a picture of the engagement ring, told her that, clearly, he was one of the most selfish men in the world (insert sarcasm there), that he learned a lot about her and he didn’t think that he could trust her moving forward.
All because the man didn’t go hard for you on Valentine’s Day? You blew up an entire relationship over that? Not to mention — where was your gift for him? Funny how that never came up.
To be fair, if you’re dating someone who you know makes a big deal over St. Patrick’s Day let alone Valentine’s Day and you choose to ignore it, you already know that it’s gonna cut deeper than it would for other individuals.
However, all I’m saying is a lot of people show all the way out with their sense of entitlement when it comes to V-Day — and that can reveal a lot about their attitude towards the relationship, in general, how they are able to handle (potential) disappointment and how they prioritize things overall.
Bottom line, some folks end up with partners who bring nothing but headaches and drama on Valentine’s Day…and that ends up being a blessing in disguise because if one holiday can get someone totally bent out of shape, imagine how they’ll be when a REAL problem occurs. Whew, chile.
When You Love Well Every Day, Valentine’s Day…Isn’t That Big of a Deal
I grew up a biblical Sabbath observer which is Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. The Hebrew word for Sabbath is Shabbat and it means to cease from creating (Genesis 2:1-3). When you grow up taking that kind of time off, each and every week, it kind of feels like a holiday in a way (although a “holy day” would be an appropriate assessment).
In fact, for many years, my mother would get me something (like a new pair of pantyhose, a purse, or some lip gloss) as a token of the beginning of the Sabbath, every Friday, which made it even more special and celebratory. And probably, that’s why I can pretty much take or leave a holiday now. Other than my birthday, Sabbaths were/are extraordinary in several ways and so I don’t “live” for something like Christmas.
My point? When two people love each other well and consistently, Valentine’s Day is typically seen in a similar fashion.
You already speak each other’s primary love languages. You are already proactive and intentional regarding the time that you spend together. Intimacy is already and consistently prioritized. In fact, you and your bae are so into each other, so often, that if you’re not paying attention, February 14 may pass you by without you barely even noticing. And how truly awesome is that? February 13 you loved well. February 15 you will love well. February 14 is just the day that’s in between the two.
And that is why I entitled this article the way that I did. To infect something is not just about poisoning or tainting it; it’s about allowing things to influence it in such a way that those people, places, things, and/or ideas end up doing more harm than good. And y’all — if you allow the commercialism, the social media hype, the unnecessary pressures of people who you don’t even know (or who aren’t invested in your relationship in a beneficial way) INFLUENCE how you feel about Valentine’s Day, you very well could end up irritated or…alone. All because of a day. ONE DAMN DAY.
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I’ve written enough articles on Valentine’s Day before that if you think that I’m simply hating on the day, it’s only because you’re choosing to. Valentine’s Day, when it’s coming from a healthy mindset and realistic perspective, is just fine. Celebrate love and have a ball doing it! All I’m saying is 24 hours shouldn’t make or break a relationship. And sometimes a gentle reminder of this fact can end up sparing it.
Enjoy the day. Don’t stress over it, though.
Bottom line, love isn’t any different on Valentine’s Day.
Or at least…it shouldn’t be.
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