
The question I get asked most when I say I lived in China for over two years is, "Do you speak Chinese?"
The answer is always "no". Though I love the culture, history, some of the food as well as the spiritual side of the country, Chinese is a difficult language to learn. From the different tones and what Chinese characters mean and how to use them, I was never disciplined enough for that be a goal.
However, not knowing the language never swayed me from traveling around China. I'm an adventurous person by nature, and most places I visited -- Shanghai, Hong Kong, Macau, Shenzhen and Guilin -- English was spoken. Sometimes in small amounts but spoken, nonetheless.
So, why was I in China? I was an English teacher at a private international language center from 2016 to 2018. For nearly two and a half years, I taught kids and teens basic conversational English skills, and I loved it.
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I also loved my tiny apartments.
I lived in three separate places during my time in Beijing. My first apartment in Yizhuang was probably the U.S. square-foot equivalent of maybe 75-square feet. It included a shower, toilet, kitchenette; full-size bed with two large closets; a small seating area and built-in desk. Wi-Fi included. It was cute and comfortable. And I was only a 10-minute bus ride from work.
After my first year though, I wanted to live in the city center. In a trendy area called Gulou. There were popular cafes, restaurants, music venues and the like. I moved into a hutong house with a lovely Chinese roommate who spoke great English and was super helpful. Hutongs are winding alleyways and streets that surround courtyards; they have tons of history and culture in Beijing. It's a very traditional way of living.
Our place was quite charming, modern and renovated. It was maybe 150-square feet with one bedroom, one bath, living room and a kitchen. We had a small bedroom area upstairs aka my loft and writing space. In actuality, the living room and loft were my combined spaces, and my roommate occupied the bedroom. I had a huge mural rendered on the wall (see the photo below) leading up to the loft that tied everything together. I really loved that apartment.
James Sserwadda - Ugandan ArtistCourtesy of ND McCray
What worked well for us was that we had opposite schedules and she traveled to Shanghai two or three weeks out of the month so, I usually had the place to myself. My third apartment was easily a combination of the first two, except it was in a three-story walk up.
I've been back in the U.S. for six months now, but when I moved back, I quickly realized again how much I loved tiny spaces and the minimalism it requires. I also wanted to travel around the U.S. without the confines of an apartment lease.
Therefore, when I came back stateside -- I mostly sought out tiny homes via Airbnb in Austin, Texas. There's a huge tiny house movement in the city. To date, I have stayed in tiny houses, tiny rooms, cottages, an Airstream trailer as well as a converted school bus; any space that allowed me to continue living a simple lifestyle.
Living in a Van. The sleeping area and bed are on the left. Underneath are cupboards and storage space. On the right are cabinets and a kitchen counter. The walls and ceilings are wood panels.Getty Images
That's when I decided to be about that van life.
When it comes to living in a van, converted or otherwise, being a minimalist definitely helps. I want my van to be comfortable with modern amenities like a bathroom and a shower. Some van lifers do without these things and that's cool for them. I'm taking a full year to plan everything, from the van build to the route. (Check out Forbes.com's "What You Need To Know If You Want To Join The Van Life Movement.")
What appeals to me about RV or van life is the freedom to travel where I want, anytime I want for however long I want. I want to hit up national parks and museums, maybe a festival or two. I'm also starting a blog to document my journey. With that, I'm taking the time to build a financial cushion and freelance schedule that will allow me to work remotely for a specified amount of time. I simply want to fuse my love of traveling with my passion for writing and performing poetry. Every van lifer has their reason for choosing the lifestyle.
I've been to 45 states including Alaska and Hawaii, as well as Haiti, Japan and China, and I know that living small in a big way is the life that works best for me.
ND McCray is a poet, writer, educator and soon-to-be van life dweller hailing from Houston, Texas. Keep up with her story at www.acdjzfnd.com and follow her @1van1love.
Featured image by Getty Images
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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