How To Set Boundaries With Your Family Members About Your Mental Health
As a culture, the conversation surrounding African-Americans openly discussing therapy, mental health, and mental illness is fairly new. According to a study on Mental Health America, the stigma and judgment prevents Black/African-Americans from seeking treatment for their mental illnesses. It also indicates that Black/African-Americans believe that mild depression or anxiety would be considered "crazy" in their social circles. In tandem with that, many African-Americans find that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate among our family members and that they'd fall on deaf ears.
Our parents are the generation of what goes on in our house stays in our house; meanwhile, their millennial children are openly tweeting about their therapy sessions. While there's freedom in owning your experiences, our families aren't always welcoming to how we heal out loud. If you find yourself struggling with setting boundaries with your family members, keep these self-care reminders with you.
Don’t argue with relatives that don’t see the value in therapy.
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To understand the nonchalant attitude towards therapy, you have to hold space for the fear and distrust of doctors for African-Americans that dates back to the Tuskegee syphilis experiment, and current health disparities that we face. Many people don't trust their primary doctors, let alone a psychologist. Being of a different generation, we have the privilege of seeing doctors in a light that our parents and grandparents don't, so you have to be mindful of the reality that while they might reject therapy because they don't understand, it could also very well be their trauma talking. You need to be mindful that you're not just talking to your relatives, you're talking to the generations that came before them that all but drilled in their heads how strong they had to be.
Remind them that therapy is not just for times of crisis, many people use it as a maintenance.
Contrary to what we as a culture can often assume, therapy isn't just something that we should explore when we're in crisis, you can (and should) 100% go just for self-care. My therapist is someone that I enjoy talking to; we discuss ways to strengthen my relationships, healthy coping mechanisms, and she shares tools with me to overall help me navigate life. I like to look at it from this perspective, if you're ill, you see your doctor more, but once you're in recovery, your check-ups aren't as often; that's how I view my relationship with my therapist.
Note to self: You don’t have to go home and tell your family what your therapist thinks about your childhood.
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One of my favorite episodes of Girlfriends was when Toni brought her mom to therapy and had her white therapist explain to her mother all of the issues she had with her. Her therapist suggested that she write a letter to her mother as a mental exercise, and she took it a step further and invited her mother to her next session to tell her how she felt in the flesh. While it made for comic relief, seeing Jennifer Lewis give that white lady and her daughter the business, the reality is that the work you do in therapy is for you. Conversations with your parents at some point where you share how your childhood trauma has impacted you can be helpful, but that shouldn't be the goal going into therapy, your healing should be.
Remember that your perspective is valid.
You'll often find that beyond healing from trauma, you'll leave therapy unlearning and seeing the world differently than your parents and ready to educate them on your newfound ideas of the world, all to be shut down at the dinner table. Despite how they may report back to you, remember that your perspective, emotions, and experiences are valid. Embrace the newness that comes with your growth, and allow yourself to feel every emotion attached to your healing process - even if they don't understand it, or you.
Take judgment off the table as you unlearn.
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Our families didn't have the privilege to explore mental health awareness the way we do, so it's imperative to practice mindfulness and realize that the very people that you're judging, see the world differently because of their lack of resources. As you explore inner child healing, you'll soon realize that your parents/family members are just people who like you are trying to understand and unlearn as they grow.
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images