As a culture, the conversation surrounding African-Americans openly discussing therapy, mental health, and mental illness is fairly new. According to a study on Mental Health America, the stigma and judgment prevents Black/African-Americans from seeking treatment for their mental illnesses. It also indicates that Black/African-Americans believe that mild depression or anxiety would be considered "crazy" in their social circles. In tandem with that, many African-Americans find that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate among our family members and that they'd fall on deaf ears.
Our parents are the generation of what goes on in our house stays in our house; meanwhile, their millennial children are openly tweeting about their therapy sessions. While there's freedom in owning your experiences, our families aren't always welcoming to how we heal out loud. If you find yourself struggling with setting boundaries with your family members, keep these self-care reminders with you.
Don’t argue with relatives that don’t see the value in therapy.
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To understand the nonchalant attitude towards therapy, you have to hold space for the fear and distrust of doctors for African-Americans that dates back to the Tuskegee syphilis experiment, and current health disparities that we face. Many people don't trust their primary doctors, let alone a psychologist. Being of a different generation, we have the privilege of seeing doctors in a light that our parents and grandparents don't, so you have to be mindful of the reality that while they might reject therapy because they don't understand, it could also very well be their trauma talking. You need to be mindful that you're not just talking to your relatives, you're talking to the generations that came before them that all but drilled in their heads how strong they had to be.
Remind them that therapy is not just for times of crisis, many people use it as a maintenance.
Contrary to what we as a culture can often assume, therapy isn't just something that we should explore when we're in crisis, you can (and should) 100% go just for self-care. My therapist is someone that I enjoy talking to; we discuss ways to strengthen my relationships, healthy coping mechanisms, and she shares tools with me to overall help me navigate life. I like to look at it from this perspective, if you're ill, you see your doctor more, but once you're in recovery, your check-ups aren't as often; that's how I view my relationship with my therapist.
Note to self: You don’t have to go home and tell your family what your therapist thinks about your childhood.
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One of my favorite episodes of Girlfriends was when Toni brought her mom to therapy and had her white therapist explain to her mother all of the issues she had with her. Her therapist suggested that she write a letter to her mother as a mental exercise, and she took it a step further and invited her mother to her next session to tell her how she felt in the flesh. While it made for comic relief, seeing Jennifer Lewis give that white lady and her daughter the business, the reality is that the work you do in therapy is for you. Conversations with your parents at some point where you share how your childhood trauma has impacted you can be helpful, but that shouldn't be the goal going into therapy, your healing should be.
Remember that your perspective is valid.
You'll often find that beyond healing from trauma, you'll leave therapy unlearning and seeing the world differently than your parents and ready to educate them on your newfound ideas of the world, all to be shut down at the dinner table. Despite how they may report back to you, remember that your perspective, emotions, and experiences are valid. Embrace the newness that comes with your growth, and allow yourself to feel every emotion attached to your healing process - even if they don't understand it, or you.
Take judgment off the table as you unlearn.
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Our families didn't have the privilege to explore mental health awareness the way we do, so it's imperative to practice mindfulness and realize that the very people that you're judging, see the world differently because of their lack of resources. As you explore inner child healing, you'll soon realize that your parents/family members are just people who like you are trying to understand and unlearn as they grow.
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xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
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Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
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Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
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