The last year and a half has been the most challenging and bittersweet experience to go through for many people globally. Nothing feels the same since the pandemic hit, losing loved ones, sacred romantic relationships falling apart, excessive jobs loss, employment uncertainty, and coping with the ongoing mental health crisis. It's all just been extremely overwhelming, to say the least. And I know that human beings are the most adaptable species on Earth but the downpour of complex events to work through all at once feels disheartening.
It may sound a bit odd, but I believe that this season is a pruning season for better yet to come; but before we can access any of it, we have to learn to be present with our emotions and tend to them by focusing on our internal self-care. The lessons we have learned within the last year and a half are going to equip us and generations to come to be more proactive and emotionally prepared to work through trauma because we started seeking the healing generations before us needed.
See some of the mindful activities I've been doing to tend to my emotional and mental health during this season.
Processing Grief During the Pandemic
Sticker Love GIF by BrittDoesDesignGiphyGrief is one of the most transformative emotions we all experience as human beings. What has my mind in loops regarding grief is that it looks so different on each individual. For some people, it's hard to miss, and on others, it's hard to spot; but we all go through grief one way or another. Most people, inclusive of myself until recently, would often associate grief only with losing a loved one or losing a significant lover or friend. But as I dive further into investigating grief, I'm learning that it's so much more than just losing loved ones – as if that's not enough to work through. For example, the new normal of predominantly working from home for many people is a form of grief as well. I miss getting ready for work daily, doing my hair in cute styles, adding touches of make-up, and my favorite part of it all is reading books during my commute.
So what has this pandemic taught me? Never get too comfortable with anything or any person because it's all temporary.
You can love without attachment, boundaries are necessary for every relationship, and it enables us to figure out more things alone and become more self-sufficient. No one person can be your everything, you need different things from different people, and it's a healthy way to analyze where some people may be a better fit for a job than others in various areas of your life. Also, grief is a tough emotion to work through. Just because you were there with another person who knew that person as deeply as you, it doesn't mean they didn't experience it differently; you need to be open to respecting other people's version of processing grief.
Grief is equivalent to letting go of what was, and I think letting go is needed from time to time; when you are too controlling of anything, it becomes problematic. Release what was and trust that God will equip you with better.
The other option is leaving a situation because you didn't have another choice and finding something better that suits your necessities in that season. Either way, don't be afraid of change; embrace it; your intuition/spirit never lies to you.
Processing Transition During the Pandemic
Change neon light signagePhoto by Ross Findon on UnsplashTransitioning is such a bittersweet emotion; it's like for beginner swimmers, one foot in the deep end of the pool and one foot in the shallow end. It raises a lot of uncomfortable emotions, inclusive of fear, anxiety, doubt, etc. Being forced to leave jobs or schools because of the pandemic is far from easy, but I promise you learning a new skill or two to adapt will not hurt you; it will strengthen you in more ways than one. Transitioning feels even scarier in these uncertain times because nothing feels set in stone because of Delta and COVID cases going back up.
But in reality, we never had control of anything, we just always assumed we did, and the pandemic made me realize that.
If this season taught us anything, it's to take your time and do the best you can in anything you choose to pursue. Everything will show its true colors over time, whether it was a seasonal run or for the long haul; either way, each experience is supposed to teach you something new, so pay attention to the details. This is what's going to carry you through shaky transitional timeframes in life. You got this. You have autonomy over your life!
Self-Care Tools To Equip You During the Pandemic
Black Girl Love GIF by Shalita GrantGiphyLet me tell y'all, ladies, if you think external self-care is where it's at, then you've been lied to as I have been. Getting your nails, hair, lashes, massage, etc. done is all great in the moment, but internal self-care is for the long run. Being more honest with yourself regarding what you're feeling can initially be very uncomfortable, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you become with exploring your emotions and getting to the root of things.
During this season, my five go-to self-soothing things to do are: journaling freeform or with journal prompts, getting back into therapy, meditation (slowing down the mind is essential to be more present), talking to specific friends to talk through rough patches, and keeping my bible close.
There are also these essential emotional intelligent card games that I've been playing by We're Not Really Strangers, where you can play the card game with a friend, or you can use them as journal prompts to dive further into your self-awareness and healing. Some of the most helpful card games I've been hooked on are their self-awareness kit, the healing edition, the break-up kit, the forgiveness edition, and the self-love edition.
Take your time and be gentle with yourself
Photo by Content Pixie on UnsplashJust because a lot of places are opening back up doesn't mean you need to be running to every open door. Take your time and listen to your body; it's asking you to slow down for a reason. Leave space to process your grief, some things are easy to let go of, and others take more time, either way, allow yourself to process these emotions and stop trying to rush yourself to what may look like the next best thing until you deal with what's going on with you now. The right opportunity won't miss you, so don't go running around with that scarcity mindset.
You can and will step into what's for you once you honor what's going on now. Give your mind, body, and soul the empathy you extend to others and heal your wounds.
For more inspiration, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
