Keshia Knight Pulliam Opens Up About Finding Happiness After Heartbreak
Finding yourself hit different when you're mature enough to level up and let that hurt go. I don't know who needs to hear this, but that breakup might have been the key to your breakthrough and according to serial entrepreneur and House of Payne actress Keshia Knight Pulliam, this is big facts.
In a recent interview with MadameNoire, Keshia, who finalized her divorce with ex-husband Ed Hartwell a little over two years ago, explained that although finding happiness after heartbreak has been a journey, it's been well-worth the trip. She explained:
"I feel like after you have a divorce or after any hard situation that is where you learn and work, growth occurs. Whether it is divorce or whatever it is. And I feel like the big thing is that you become very clear about what you truly desire. You get clear about what you desire and you also get clear about what you will not accept."'
Last year, Keshia made her relationship with her former co-star, Brad James, Instagram official and proved that although divorce can inevitably change your perspective on love, that doesn't always have to be a bad thing.
"And it's not from a bad place. It's from a place like you know what, thank you but no thank you. I deserve better. You can act and move from a loving space that the other person does not have to feel villainized. But it's like you know what, this just isn't for me. It's more of identifying and being very clear, honest, authentic and being true to who you really are. That's the beauty of it."
Brad and Keshia, who originally met on the set of Pride & Prejudice, say that although their love story evolved unexpectedly, it happened in perfect timing.
"Honestly, we just hit it off. We had a lot of downtime. There was a lot going on filming that project. So there were plenty of times where we would all be sitting in the cast seats or the van and just talking."
"He did say, 'We should get together, I have this script I want you to read. I was like, 'Okay, cool! I have a script that I've written that I'd love to get your feedback on, too.' He was like, 'Give me your phone' and he put his number in my phone. He took a picture of himself for the ID and put his birthday, his email [laughs]."
In a previous interview, Keshia explained that although her experience in her former marriage could have made her bitter, instead, it made her better.
"I think that it's better once you've been married because you're very clear on what you don't desire. It makes it so much clearer when you see what it is you do want. And then you also know what you're getting into. When you're younger, you're sold this fairtyale on what marriage should be."
"You feel like once you've been married and you have been divorced, you have a very different perspective. You understand the work that goes in and the difference in the work, because people are like, 'Marriage is hard!' But no no no, some of that stuff just means he's not the one for you. It's not that hard. But it does mean that you have to have two people who actively desire to be here, who want to work at it, who want to make each other happy and make each other a priority. When you do that, you can be successful."
To read Keshia's full interview, click here!
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images