If there’s one thing that I find at least one good reason to be audibly thankful for, pretty much on a daily basis, it’s my male friends. There are a billion-and-one reasons why yet, as it pertains to this particular article, it’s the cavalier nonchalance that was sprinkled with some effortless confidence that came directly from one of them.
Context: As I was catching up with my friend and they were asking me what I male-related topics I had covered as of late, I told him that folks keep asking me about the whole “6-6-6 man” thing (check out “Okay, So Here's What You Need To Know About the '6-6-6' Man”). I audibly laughed when he said, “I’ve got all three but barely on that big d-ck s-it. I’ve never had a problem with that, so I don’t get what the big deal is.” Like I said, my friends are bomb…and sometimes they tell me more than I want to know but it all balances itself out in the end. LOL.
Anyway, for those of you who may be like, “Yeah, it’s easy for him to think that. Women fake all of the time.” Indeed some do; also, some men fake as well (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”). At the same time, it’s not just guys who don’t feel the need to be “packin’” in order to satisfy their partner(s). And that’s why I enlisted the voices of 12 women who not only share in his sentiment, they are ready, willing, and able to explain some solid reasons why.
*Middle names have been used for most; the married women created a name to…you know, keep the peace in case some nosy folks try to figure out their actual identity*
Kora. 34. Married for 10 Years.
“For years, I thought that a big d-ck was a sexual requirement. That’s until I got with my husband. Don’t get me wrong — he’s not small. I always required monstrosities and he’s just not that. We need to get over always following what we hear other people say because there’s no science to back up that a huge penis ramming us automatically means the sex is good. I have had more orgasms with an about-seven-inches man than all of the nine-plus in my world. I wish I had let the myth go a lot sooner.”
Shellie here: Another wife I know feels this way. Check out “BDE: Please Let The "It Needs To Be Huge" Myth Go” when you get a chance.
Lesley. 28. Engaged for 10 Months.
“I’ve got nosy people in my world, so just in case someone figures out it's me, I won’t get into exact sizes here. I’ll just say that a smaller man makes it easier to get into all kinds of sex positions that larger men cannot. It’s also been my experience that smaller men can find my spot faster and because they’re not irritating my cervix, we can go longer which means more orgasms. Some of y’all are missing out by thinking that a big man is where it’s at.”
Nava. 44. Single.
“A big d-ck has never been my thing. I tried out a few in college and after having a few UTIs from all that damn thrusting while not really cumming, I was good on that. Smaller men feel more comfortable to me. I also think that they work a bit harder to please because they don’t have that ‘I have a big d-ck, what else do you need?!’ mindset that other men have.”
Angel. 47. Married for 22 Years.
“I didn’t have a lot of sex partners before I got married. Two men, who were larger than normal, they assumed that I should think that they were great in bed because of their penis — nothing else. They were bad at foreplay. Their rhythm was off. They barely had any stamina…one of them barely lasted for more than six or seven minutes, every single time. ‘Big’ doesn’t guarantee anything. You better look for good.”
Laura. 28. Single.
“I recently binge-watched Sex & the City for the first time with my godmother. Any of you who watched it, do you remember when Samantha was talking about how giving head is like a literal job? I don’t feel that way with smaller penises but I definitely do with larger ones. It’s not that I don’t like doing it, but I definitely have to gas myself up a bit, especially when it’s the first time with someone — and who wants to be out here gagging and stretching out the side of their mouths, if that can be avoided? I do my best work with the smaller ones. One of those, please.”
Rashida. 31. In a Serious Relationship for One Year.
“Wanna get your cowgirl game right? Get a smaller penis. To tell you the truth, if you want to master any sex position, a smaller penis is gonna make that happen for you. I also think that men with smaller penises have more humility when it comes to sex. I don’t mean that in a bad way — I mean that guys with big ones think that’s all they need to have and that’s just not true. I'm a card-carrying member of the ‘Love Some Small D-cks Club’ and my sex life has only gotten better because of it!”Taya. 31. Married for Four Years.
“Wait — what’s small? Like 6”? I’m not gonna do that, but I can be happy with something close to seven. Super large or really small is never gonna do it for me, but that’s just me. As far as smaller men, I will say that if you’ve got a pillow under your back, you’d be surprised [at] the spots they can reach that big men can’t. For that, I’ll give them a round of applause.”
Paris. 22. Single.
“My first had a huge penis. All I remember is pain. My second had a much smaller penis. I had my first orgasm with him. I haven’t had many partners since those two but I’m already sold on smaller penises. I actually prefer them. I think you can see why.”
Chloie. 30. In a Serious Relationship for Three Years.
“Two types of penises that I’m down for every time are uncircumcised and small ones. Uncircumcised feel better in my mouth and seem to make me cum faster. Smaller ones, you can do more with. I never got all of the hype around big penises. All they gave me was soreness most of the time.”
Shellie here: She’s right about the circumcision-to-orgasm connection. Various studies and reports reveal that it’s easier for women to climax with an uncircumcised penis; in part, due to the foreskin rubbing against the nerve endings in their vagina.
Helynn. 34. Engaged for Six Months.
“I think there are pros and cons to both sizes. Big guys ‘fill you up’ and smaller ones make sex more… ‘fluid’ is the word that comes to mind. Like it can be awkward changing positions and getting comfortable with a bigger man. I can ‘go with the flow’ with smaller ones…and that’s great for the flow. It’s also easier to go the second and the third rounds when penises are smaller. With large ones, sometimes I need to take a break, whether I came or not — simply because my vagina was tender.”
Naalah. 25. Single.
“A good six inches is all I need or want. I’ve always felt that way. Back in college, some of my [sorority] sisters told me that I was missing out, so I gave [a big penis] a shot. Y’all can keep that. I don’t want to have a learning curve on size, just to say that I’ve been with big men. The smaller ones have suited me just fine. I’ll stick with what I know.”
Qyndalynn. 50. Married for 32 Years.
“Big. Small. Medium. You better find you a man who cares more about your pleasure than how he compares to a measuring tape. The big men in my past were good but they also seemed to think that they already knew it which caused me to feel sort of…disconnected from them. Smaller men were more passionate and almost eager — like they had something to prove in a way and honey, that suited me just fine. As far as who I’m with now? He’s not an ‘8’ and it doesn’t matter. He pleases me consistently and I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Nothing bigger will ever move me from the one I’ve got. Now mind ya business!”
______
Here are 12 women who can personally attest to the fact that size shouldn’t ever be the main focus of what makes for good sex or a great lover. If you want a “big man,” let it be because the sex is good with him not because that’s what you automatically assume a satisfying sexual experience should consist of. Otherwise, you could be missing out — missing out on the greater things that sometimes come in smaller packages.
Don’t believe me? Read this one more time, sis.
Just for safe…umm, measure. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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Why Denver Should Be On Your Travel List: A Black Woman’s Perspective
If someone had asked me if living in Denver, Colorado, for nearly seven years was on my Bingo card, I probably would have laughed in their face. But you know what they say: we make plans, and God laughs. Truth be told — moving to Denver was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I was able to find myself and my voice in a city that was somewhat foreign to me, and I am forever grateful.
Denver may not have the largest Black population, but its vibrant community offers plenty of ways to find connection, culture, and self-care. With less than 10 percent of the city's residents identifying as Black, it can sometimes feel challenging to find spaces that truly resonate. That’s why we wanted to offer a guide to help Black women navigate the city, find community, and experience everything the Mile High City has to offer.
Listen up sis, here's how you can live your best life in Denver.
Denver Travel: The City vs. The Mountains
Let’s start here because many people believe that Denver is in the mountains, and while that’s technically true, you still need to travel outside of the city to be in the mountains. Winter Park is a great place to do mountain activities and also see more Black folks. Strawberry Park Hot Springs has the most magical hot springs, as the snow-capped mountains serve as the perfect landscape.
Ski Noir 5280is a great resource for mountain tings as they are working hard to diversify the mountains. They offer training and equipment as a means of support so that more of us take over the slopes.
Wellness and Self-Care Experiences in Denver
Courtesy of Joce Blake
Denver has a variety of Black-owned businesses and wellness services designed to help you prioritize self-care. BodyLove by Tal, for example, offers organic skincare products created to heal, nourish, and restore your skin naturally. If you’re looking to reconnect with nature, the Potted Peace Project promotes racial healing through plant love, offering plants and nature-centered events.
If you're more into holistic wellness, Sound Baths with Courtneyoffers guided meditations and sound baths that can provide much-needed relaxation and healing energy.Urban Sanctuaryand Charismatic Movement Yogaalso offer yoga classes to help you find balance, both physically and emotionally.
Beauty and Haircare Services in Denver
Finding a trusted haircare provider can be essential to maintaining your confidence. Denver has a variety of Black-owned beauty salons, including B&B Beauty Supplyin Aurora, where you can find all your hair care needs, from extensions to braids. For specialized braiding, Tay, The Braid Bestie, is known for her work with knotless braids and feed-ins, offering services to both men and children.
If you're looking to keep your hair on point,Official Micahspecializes in sew-ins, frontal wigs, and high-quality hair products, whileStylez by J’Niceat Timeless Designs in Aurora offers a range of hairstyling services, from natural hair to weaves to a buss down boho knotless style. Janice has been getting me together for years, and I adore her hands.
Looking for a MUA? Tatiana Artistry and Angela Ranaeare the best to ever do it. And if you need your nails did, I only trust theNail Transformerswith my fingertips. They also offer pedicures, lash extensions, facials, and more.
Denver Cultural Activities and Nightlife
Denver offers a host of cultural events where Black women can connect and feel represented. One thing that shocked me when I first moved was that the Juneteenth Music Festivalis one of the city’s major cultural events, celebrating Black heritage with music, food, and community. For a unique art experience, visitThe Museum for Black Girls, which celebrates iconic moments in Black culture through its interactive selfie installations.
When it comes to nightlife, you’ll find some great spots catering to the Black community. If there’sMunchies & Mimosas happening while you’re in town, get that ticket. This event that mixes culture, cuisine, and music in one unforgettable experience. If you love a good night out, The Lobbyis another must-attend spot, where you can enjoy great music, hookah, bottle service, and a lively atmosphere.
Vibes in the Parkis also a wonderful space dedicated to connecting us with our roots. From park events to networking, it’s always a vibe with this gang.
If you’re into fashion, you’ll want to check outColor of Fashion. They are transforming the fashion industry by advancing inclusivity, diversity, and racial equality.
Honestly, if you’re looking for specific moves and vibes, follow the Mile High Tribeand Community Keison Instagram — they keep you up-to-date on the Black and brown spaces and events going down.
Shopping Black-Owned in Denver
Courtesy of Joce Blake
Supporting Black-owned businesses in Denver is easy, with several options around town.Be a Good Personoffers streetwear that promotes positivity, while Rachel Marie Hurst and M.Bolden Boutiqueprovide luxury fashion, including custom handmade pieces. For high-quality, eco-friendly apparel, check out The Common Collective, a Denver-based brand committed to sustainability and social impact.
Whether you're looking for unique clothing or just want to support local Black entrepreneurs, Denver's shopping scene has something for everyone.
Green Spacesis also an amazing community hub for Black and Brown folks. From Black & Blossomed, which serves up flowers for the culture to Migas Coffeewith the best matchas, it's a one-stop shop to grab some goodies and co-work.
Food for the Soul
Courtesy of Joce Blake
Denver’s food scene is as diverse as its community, with several Black-owned restaurants offering soul food, BBQ, and Southern cooking. Mattie's Soul Food is a family-owned spot that brings the flavors of the South to Denver, serving everything from collard greens to chicken and dressing. Another great spot is Saucy Southern, known for its delicious southern-style BBQ wings and soulful meals.
For brunch lovers,Mimosas is a retro-inspired restaurant that serves up creative comfort food alongside its namesake beverage. If you're craving a taste of New Orleans,Nola Jane’s, and Four Friends Kitchen have you covered with gumbo, po’boys, other classic dishes, and collard greens to die for.
Living your best life as a Black woman in Denver means finding spaces that celebrate your identity, support your wellness, and connect you with the community. Whether you’re indulging in self-care at a yoga class, enjoying a soulful meal, or dancing the night away, Denver has plenty to offer.
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Featured image courtesy of Joce Blake