Aight. Now y'all know that in order for me to write this, I already know the answer to this little — well, not super little — fact. And let me just say that a part of me did roll my eyes, just a bit. Only because, as I shared in the article, "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go", I used to be someone who thought a man had to be huge to please me — even though some of the men with those big ole' thangs were less-than-impressive than the "smaller" fellas.
Still, as much as you all indulge me by letting me share so much of my own life and personal opinions, today isn't about what size pleases me most or what I prefer. It's all about a study that I found to be so fascinating that I thought some of y'all would be interested in hearing about too. So, if there's a part of you that has always wondered how big a penis truly needs to be in order for (vaginal) orgasms to happen on the regular, I've got what the word on the street (currently) is.
Drum Roll, Please: Guess What Penis Size Most Women Absolutely Rave About?
Lawd. There really is no telling how many times I have shared that the average size of a man's penis 5.5" erect while the most intense nerves inside of our vagina are the 2" of entry into us. This is a big part of the reason why sex toys, fingers and cunnilingus tend to be super pleasurable as far as things-that-penetrate go. Anyway, the reason why I think this can't be mentioned enough is because, if you can become super stimulated two inches in, why in the world do you need a man who is packin'? Chile, you don't.
We fall for that myth the same way men do when it comes to big breasts and even a big ass — sure, we all have preferences yet it's still important not to be "programmed" to the point where you close yourself off to the possibilities of what someone who may not be your "preferred size" may be (I feel like someone needed to hear that, so that's why I said it).
With that being out of the way, I have also shared, on multiple occasions, that while reportedly 70 percent of women do not experience vaginal orgasms (a lot of that has to do with how close your clitoris is to your vaginal opening, by the way; it ain't all on "him"), they are so much easier to achieve if you're going for a blended orgasm which is basically when your clitoris is being stimulated while you're being penetrated.
The reason why I thought it was important for both of these points to go on record is because, once I reveal the size that apparently gets "us" off more than any other, I don't want you to be side-eyeing your man if he doesn't exactly fit the bill (whether that means he is bigger or smaller). Now, with all of these disclaimers totally out of the way, are you ready to know what kind of penis can make women climax the most? Dun, dun, dun, DUN — EIGHT INCHES.
And just where did this data supposedly come from? Oh, that's where it really gets good. There's a site calledBig One that considers itself to be "the world's largest dating site for small penises" (I know, right?); however, they had some folks request that a site for large penises be made too (it's truly wild these world wide web streets!). Anyway, they conducted a survey of close to 4,800 women about what size got them to the mountaintop the most often and the blue ribbon prize went to Mr. Eight Inch at 44 percent (with 9" being 42 percent, 10" being 39 percent, 7" being 38 percent and 6" being 34 percent). So, what if you have a hard time grasping the exactness of it all? Basically, an average-sized remote control or just a little bit smaller than a beer bottle is what eight inches can be compared to.
So, what if your man doesn't — pardon the pun — measure up? First let me say that the women on the survey also shared that a man with an 11" penis had about as much success at pleasing them as someone with a 4" one. This means that if your guy is smaller, don't assume that someone big is gonna make you happy because, again, as I shared in the article that I referenced at the beginning of this, I have a friend-wife who often says — and I quote — "Girl, a big d—k ain't all it's cracked up to be. Believe that." A big part of the reason why is 1) there is still something to be said for technique; 2) when we are sexually aroused, our vagina stretches to 8" max (for the most part) and 3) if a man has so much ego surrounding his penis that he things that's all he needs to bring to the sexual table, you're not gonna get fed (pun intended and not intended). Straight up.
And what if you're currently not in a relationship and in your mind, you're like, "Whatever. You said 8", so that's exactly what I'm going to require"? Yeah. About that. If you're someone who strongly prefers a man who is over 6 feet tall and has an 8" penis, bless your heart because only around 15 percent of American men (actually, it's 14.5) are that tall and — whew — only three percent of men are that size.
Chile. What is a girl to do? Well, if you are currently with a "remote control", feel free to comment if you agree with the survey's findings. If you're with someone who is larger, check out our article "5 Go-To Positions For When Your Partner Is Well-Endowed". If he's smaller, check out "Sex Hacks For Different Kinds Of Penises (You Heard Me Right)". And, in general, let's briefly go over some hacks that make having a vaginal orgasm easier, regardless of what size a man's penis is.
5 Orgasm Hacks. Regardless of What Your Man’s Size May Be.
Kiss. A LOT. Did you know that some people can climax, just from a kiss? I personally know this to be quite true (wink). When two people are really connected and the kisses are in sync and intense, the sensitive nerve endings (especially from the tongue) can be a huge turn-on. It can make you wetter during foreplay and get you hotter during intercourse. So, if you don't tend to kiss much during sex (hey, some people don't; check out "Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?"), here's a(nother) reason to give reconsider it.
Get fingered. It's always funny when I hear guys share stories of sexual activity when they were high-school aged. It makes me think of the movie The Wood and the girls who were down to get fingered to death yet claimed they were too "pure" for actual intercourse or that that seeing a penis was nasty. Anyway, now that you're grown, fingering can still help to get you better prepared to experience a vaginal orgasm because it helps to relax you. Plus, if he knows what he's doing (double wink), he can locate your G-spot, so that he knows where and how to aim once he enters you (your G-spot is 2.5-3" into your vagina, at the roof of it; it feels a little bumpy when aroused and is about the size of a walnut).
Have an orgasm another way. First. If fingering doesn't result in an orgasm, do something else that does. For a lot of us, that would be cunnilingus yet whatever rocks your boat, try that. Many of my clients have shared with me that although a vaginal orgasm can be close-to-impossible the first round, once they are wetter and more euphoric, the second session tends to make climaxing a whole lot easier to do (yes, vaginally).
Prop your butt up. I'm all for a sex pillow. For a few reasons. If you put one underneath your head during oral sex (receiving, that is), it's easier to watch him and — whew. Who doesn't like to see that going down? If you put one underneath your back, that makes it easier for you to be penetrated more deeply (if that's what you're after). Underneath your butt prevents him from having to strain as much to reach your G-spot. Plus, if you happen to be someone who is in the 30-percentile and vaginal orgasms are pretty easy for you, a pillow up under your backside will make it so much easier for his penis to stimulate your clitoris and vagina at the same time.
You know what they say about "the motion of the ocean". More than anything, make peace with the penis you've got. Just like we spend so much time telling men that they should celebrate the body they are with, how hypocritical of us, if we don't do the same. Remember, the ladies in the survey said that a huge penis ain't no more pleasing than a tiny one which reminds me that it really isn't just a popular saying that it's not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean.
A man who desires you. A man who isn't selfish. A man who studies your body. A man who takes his time. A man who is erotic, adventurous and passionate? Chile, he doesn't have to be 8" to shake the room. He's already more than halfway there before having the pleasure of…getting in. #thirdwink
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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