Does Size Really Matter When It Comes To Sex?


Ladies, it's time for us to confront the age-old question that has gone unanswered for generations. Does the size of the equipment really matter when it comes down to getting the job done right? Is it the size of the boat, the motion of the ocean, or a combination of both that really get a woman's juices flowing?

At our latest Pajamas and Lipstick event in Atlanta, we got to the bottom of this conundrum and our conclusions might just surprise you.

Every woman knows that the morning after your first night with a new partner, the group chat is about to be lit AF. If your new partner were to read the brutally unapologetic banter about his performance, it would be enough to either make his week or bring him to tears.

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If he's lacking in the package department, our homegirls will definitely hear about it, but in our intimate conversation about genitals, Sway in The Morning co-host, Tracy G. suggested that we think twice before being so critical, "This man, he didn't choose that. It has nothing to do with, you go to the mall and this is what you drop in your bag. No, it's not that. So, in order for me trash his dick I have to trash his designer, did God create him in this way? So it's like we all have flaws, we all have weaknesses, and we learn how to compensate for them."

I'm not afraid to say that compromise has never been my game, and my eyes have always been bigger than my mouth. In the past, my imagination has always caused me to bite off more than I can chew and this 'bigger is better' mentality has landed me in a few situations in the bedroom that were unsavory, to say the least. While some people think size doesn't matter, I've met a few Mandingo-esque men that prove the contrary, and our founder, Necole agreed. "Some people with big penises just want to like, rearrange your cervix, and that doesn't make me feel great as a woman. It makes me almost feel violated."

The audacity of these big d*ck bandits, painfully snatching guts out without no apology. The disrespect. I almost dislocated my back out here trying to reenact scenes from my favorite porn clip with a few of those monsters, and take it from me sis, it's not worth it.

Necole explained that as you get older, the characteristics that you seek in a lover change. While at 21, your type may be an 8-inch d*ck you can ride all night, as you mature, your perspective might be a little different. "I feel like [it] changes when you switch from your 20's to your 30's. Like in your 20's, you want a big penis, you want someone to knock it out the box. But when you get in your 30's, it's so many other things that go into how a man loves you. I dated someone and the foreplay was bomb but the sex was always like one minute. The foreplay made me feel great, like wanted and respected."

Despite my horrific experiences with well-endowed men, the fact remained. I didn't wan't no itty-bitty teenie-weenie little short d*ck man, ya heard me? That was, until I met one who rocked my world entirely, and it had nothing to do with his size. Although he wasn't the biggest man I'd ever been with, he was one of the most patient and certainly the most generous.

What that taught me was, while a big d*ck may be too much, and a small d*ck may not seem like enough, what's more important is how you vibe with the man that d*ck is attached to. Author and MommiNation founder, Sanya Richards-Ross had this to say:

"At the end of the day, it really is a personal preference. But I do think it takes a level of maturity you could reach, where you're like look. I'm not going to judge it based off that, I'm going to go off that person's energy. So what if they have a small penis?"

So what do you think ladies? Does size really matter? Can a man be too big or too small?

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Before she was Amira Unplugged, rapper, singer, and a Becoming a Popstar contestant on MTV, she was Amira Daughtery, a twenty-five year-old Georgian, with aspirations of becoming a lawyer. “I thought my career path was going to lead me to law because that’s the way I thought I would help people,” Amira tells xoNecole. “[But] I always came back to music.”

A music lover since childhood, Amira grew up in an artistic household where passion for music was emphasized. “My dad has always been my huge inspiration for music because he’s a musician himself and is so passionate about the history of music.” Amira’s also dealt with deafness in one ear since she was a toddler, a condition which she says only makes her more “intentional” about the music she makes, to ensure that what she hears inside her head can translate the way she wants it to for audiences.

“The loss of hearing means a person can’t experience music in the conventional way,” she says. “I’ve always responded to bigger, bolder anthemic songs because I can feel them [the vibrations] in my body, and I want to be sure my music does this for deaf/HOH people and everyone.”

A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

She says that working alongside the judges–pop stars Joe Jonas and Becky G, and choreographer Sean Bankhead – has helped expand her artistry. “Joe was really more about the vocal quality and the timber and Becky was really about the passion of [the song] and being convinced this was something you believed in,” she says. “And what was really great about [our choreographer] Sean is that obviously he’s a choreographer to the stars – Lil Nas X, Normani – but he didn’t only focus on choreo, he focused on stage presence, he focused on the overall message of the song. And I think all those critiques week to week helped us hone in on what we wanted to be saying with our next song.”

As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

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