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Did You Know There Was Such A Thing As A 'Ruined Orgasm'?
Off the rip, I'm just gonna put right on out here that, if there are two things that I can never see myself being interested in participating in, it's financial domination (where folks pay someone to humiliate them…what in the world?) and what I'm gonna touch on now — ruined orgasms. Goodness. When it comes to what I've written on about sex for this platform, the only thing that might be worse than how that sounds (to me) is bad orgasms (check out "Who Knew There Was Such A Thing As 'Bad Orgasms'?").
A sucky intro, right? I know. Still, I think this topic is important to share because 1) we're all different; what might not work for me could very well work for you and 2) knowledge is power. On the ruined orgasm tip, it took me actually researching and reading about them for me to understand the potential allure and then come to the conclusion that while it doesn't light my particular fire, it definitely might for some of our readers. Anyway, if you're curious, I'm going to share with you what ruined orgasms are, along with the reason why some of you might actually find it to be something worth trying — at least once (please report back, if you do).
What Is a Ruined Orgasm?
In order to break down what a ruined orgasm is, I've got to provide a bit of its origin. Believe it or not, ruined orgasms are pretty common in the BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) community. If the mere thought of that freaks you out, just keep in mind that when it comes to this type of sex and power role-playing, there are definitely levels. Not everything is super extreme. Matter of fact, this is a great way to intro ruined orgasms because, what typically happens is, someone who's assuming the dominant role in sex will intentionally arouse "their submissive" to the point of wanting to experience an intense orgasm, only for the dominant to stop stimulating their partner, which typically results in a very low-grade — or ruined — orgasm.
A great way to explain this is it's similar to what happens when your partner is doing something that you really like during sex, you're on the brink of climaxing and, for whatever the reason, he stops. Dammit, man. Only with a ruined orgasm, it happens on purpose. WTF, right? Let's keep going.
How Is It Different from Edging?
If you just read what I said and the first thing that comes to your mind is, "Hmm. That sounds a lot like edging", that's the same thing that I initially thought. Until I looked deeper. While they do seem a lot alike on the surface, to a large extent, edging and ruined orgasms couldn't be more different. Mainly because, while they both strive to get people to the brink of an orgasm, edging eventually wants you to have a powerful one. And so, while there might be a couple of rounds of "almost getting you there and stopping", there does come a time when there is no stopping and the orgasm goes to another level. As a direct result. On purpose.
A ruined orgasm, on the other hand, has no desire for you to have a 10 outta 10 experience. If you experience a low-grade orgasm or even not much of one at all, the mission of this particular kind of orgasm has actually been accomplished. And again, WTF? Why would someone find anything sexy, appealing or desirable about taking this approach to sex? Let's go further.
The Benefits of Attempting a Ruined Orgasm
So, here's the deal. With the dominant individual is a woman, oftentimes what she will strive to do is get her partner to the point where he ejaculates without having an orgasm (the day when folks realize that the two are not necessarily one and the same is the day we'll all be free, chile) or not ejaculate at all. On the flip, when the dominant individual is a man, he will seek out to give his partner a very weak orgasm or try and make sure that pleasure is experienced without an orgasm transpiring.
And why — why oh why — would someone subject themselves to this kind of borderline torment? The answer basically lies within that very question. When a sexual submissive person consents to being put into this position, oftentimes the power that they've given to their partner, combined with the teasing and the longing to cum is what eventually turns a weak orgasm into a powerful one — whether it's with their partner or when they are reflecting on the experience when they are alone.
For people who seek out ruined orgasms, it's the build-up-and-let-down that gets them excited. They like thinking that their partner has that much control over their pleasure — that things could be taken to another level…should the dominant partner choose for that to happen. Plus, because a lot of couples perform "the switch" (which is basically going back and forth with who is dominant and who is submissive), sometimes people are also thrilled at the idea of putting their partner in the same vulnerable state that they were in.
I already told y'all that this is an acquired taste kind of orgasm. Still, from what I've read and researched, so long as both people are in agreement (please make sure to discuss it beforehand NOT during sex) and there is a safe word (a word that conveys when the submissive partner thinks things have gone too far) is in place, there can be hours of sexual teasing in store — if you're into that kind of thing.
Oh, there is one more potential bonus from ruined orgasms that definitely should go on record. Some women struggle with climaxing, period. Well, the fascinating thing about ruined orgasms is it removes the expectation of having an orgasm at all, right? With the teasing on and the pressure off, it could actually make it easier to have a "weak orgasm"…and eventually an intense one.
Like I've been saying throughout this entire piece, not everything is for everybody. That said, if you and yours are totally game to give a round of these a shot, please circle back and let me know (in the comment section) how it went and if you would recommend it — if something good can actually come from an orgasm that has been, well, umm, ruined.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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