How To French Kiss, According To An Expert

After all, French kissing is an art.


K-I-S-S-I-N-G was supposed to lead to love, then marriage, and then a baby carriage. And though that clearly isn't how that works, I think we can all remember learning how to French kiss being sort of a big deal in adolescence. Still. It's one of those things that you don't forget. Truly, my first kiss is still the source of my anxiety when it comes to the most basic tongue action that we'll ever discuss as adults: French kissing. I was in eighth grade and the boy who I had been pining over for all of the fall semester was finally mine. It was after school in the hall as he was on his way to basketball practice when he leaned in for a kiss. I quickly called attention to the fact that I didn't know how to kiss in an awkward outburst. He ran off laughing and told the entire locker room.

To this day, I'm not all that certain I'm the best kisser, though I hopefully hope no one has me on their list of worst kissers. Much like when Hitch instructed Kevin to stick with a two-step in the 2005 eponymously named film, I coach myself to stick with the one-two step of tonguing. I let our tongues wrestle just a little and then when I'm not certain what comes next, I suck and bite a little lip. However, I'm certain that French kissing can be far more intricate than this.

Thankfully, I know my strengths and weaknesses well enough to know that I had to use a lifeline for this one. I got in touch with Tyomi Morgan, ACS Pleasure Coach and certified Sexologist to pick her brain. Better yet on a few, much-needed pointers to achieve the much desired accolade of most improved French kisser.

You'll be happy to find that she delivered, here's what was said.

Kissing With Tongue: How To French Kiss, According To An Expert


Like I said, I'm not the best kisser so it always feels super awkward right down to not really understanding where my tongue should be and when it should be there. Morgan says, "The dance that tongues do during French kissing really depends on the people who are in the act. One partner may have a more dominant approach while the other is more passive. There are situations where both partners are dominant in how they approach the French kiss which could lead to awkwardness...it's all about creating a balance that allows the kissing to flow effortlessly."

The Pleasure Coach adds, "One partner secedes to the other and allows the other to lead. Then, roles can be reversed allowing the submissive partner to take the lead.

"Tongues can do a lot of different things in the French kiss. Partners can touch tongue tips or circle each other's tips while the tongues are poked out. One partner can suck on the other's tongue while it pokes in and out, or tongues can rub up against each other with the upper side caressing the underside of the other. Tongues can chase each other inside of their mouths, embrace like sword fighting or rub up against the inner lips. The tip of the tongue can also be used to flick or trace the lips as well.

"Tongues are always moving in a French kiss — how they move is determined by the messages they want to convey to each other."

This actually provides relief in understanding not only what I'm "supposed" to do but also knowing why many of my kisses have probably been so awkward. In always feeling compelled to do something, and absolutely anything, I will dominate the kiss without offering space for my partners to do so. I do this to fill the "silence" so to speak and pose as if I know what I'm doing. When in actuality, the key is to let it flow!

Know That The Tongue Is A Muscle & Work It Like One

black and white love GIF Giphy

If practice makes perfect, then how exactly can we apply that logic to kissing? Me, personally, I visualize that scene from Superstar where ol' girl is making out with the tree. But Morgan recommends working out. Yes, you read that absolutely right! "The tongue is a muscle and must be worked out just like any other muscle in the body. Flabby tongues don't maneuver as well as strong ones, and don't have as much control.

"Strengthening the tongue is the first thing to do to gain control over the tongue's ability to deliver pleasurable strokes. The techniques found in the book, Blow Him Away by Marcy Michaels contains several tongue strengthening exercises that are easy to perform on a daily basis. Using the tongue to eat treats from cups like applesauce, pudding, jello or even frozen desserts are great ways to practice using the tongue as well. Licking food from spoons also helps."

As someone who will lick anything out of a cup rather than waste spoons, my tongue might be better off than I anticipated. And as far as technique? Well, watch and learn! Not me, of course. "Watching videos of people French kissing goes a long way in providing examples of how to move tongues when in a French kiss."

If you've already mastered the French kiss, the Glam Erotica founder gives us some additional tips that will help add to the sensuality of your French kisses:


1. Keep it Slow and Steady

As my supervisor says "this is a marathon not a race" and thus it makes sense that Morgan suggests being mindful of our breath when we're kissing. "Breathing plays a big part in French kissing, as the noses are close together and the mouth is in action.

"Slowing down the breath and exhaling gently through the mouth is a technique that can help with connection and controlling the pace of kissing. Letting out sighs of ecstasy and moans of enjoyment can also heighten the experience and communicate your desire for more to a partner."

2. Touch and Go

Additionally, "Using your hands to grab, caress or rub on other erogenous zones while locking lips and tongues is an easy way to heighten arousal and take things up a notch. Rinsing the mouth before kissing or popping a piece of gum or a breath mint will go a long way."

3. Food-play for Foreplay

Big bonus game? Make your kisses edible. Yes. Expert Tyomi Morgan suggests integrating some food to up the kinky on your kisses.

Read more sex and love content on xoNecole here.

Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!

Featured image by Shutterstock

Michael B. Jordan is in love y’all and is telling everyone about it. The Creed actor and Lori Harvey sent the internet into a frenzy when rumors first swirled of the couple dating in late 2020 after they were spotted leaving a flight together. And in January 2021, the two confirmed their relationship with the public. Now, after celebrating their one-year anniversary, the once Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor is professing his love for the model.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

Ready for the New Moon in Sagittarius on Saturday, December 4th? Ready or not, it’s coming for you. Fortunately, it promises to bring good tidings and positive blessings just in time for the holidays! This month’s New Moon features a total solar eclipse. Solar eclipses are extremely significant events that usher in new beginnings and bright new opportunities.

Keep reading... Show less

The holiday season is here and we can't help but be thankful for all the things. On the heels of the CFDA Awards and Hanifa's groundbreaking runway show, the excitement about getting dressed is at an all-time high. Now's the time to lean into those fall basics while also pulling out all the stops by rocking your statement pieces.

Keep reading... Show less

Since Kehlani first burst onto the scene in 2015 with their song “The Way,” fans have witnessed the singer experience many evolutions in their career and personal life. From becoming a mother to coming out as a lesbian, Kehlani’s journey has been nothing short of ordinary as they continue to find themselves with the world watching. Now, it looks as if the “Nunya” singer’s identity is experiencing another rebirth.

Keep reading... Show less

We first reported on Meagan Good starring in the new Amazon Prime Video series Harlem in November and now the veteran actress is opening up about her character on the show. Harlem is written and executive produced by Tracy Oliver and highlights four Black women in their 30’s who are best friends and taking on New York’s famous Black neighborhood.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

'David Makes Man' Star Arlen Escarpeta Believes Love And Accountability Go Hand In Hand

"While we are quick to judge others, we really have to look at ourselves and call out some of the things that we do."

Latest Posts