Oftentimes I see women of color spending so much time planning for the wedding, they forget about their marriage. The wedding planning process is a very stressful time, and if couples aren't on the same page, it can lead to a very rocky first year of marriage or divorce. I got married young (24) and canceled my wedding and 300-plus guests 60 days before it was set to take place because we were not ready.
We went back to church and worked out our issues. We ended up having a small wedding in the Bahamas a year later. It was super embarrassing at the time, but the financial and spiritual lessons we learned were needed. I know in my heart that if we would have gone through with that wedding, God wouldn't be in our marriage now. So, as a wedding photographer, I try to connect with my brides on a personal level to give them some guidance during their planning process as the wedding industry and social media set unrealistic expectations. So here is a quick sample of some of my tips!
1.Review your finances and set your budget early.
Before you get a wedding magazine, set a date, or go to Pinterest, you need to know how much you are willing to spend on your wedding. Finances are the number one issue in marriage in America today, and you don't want to start off headed down the wrong path. I know weddings are expensive, but that doesn't mean you can't have a beautiful day within your budget! Once you have your budget set, stick to it. Splurge within your budget! If you want more flowers, cut back on the number of guests. Sis, I promise you no one will remember the type of chairs you had at your wedding. Do what's best for the family you are creating!
2.Set family boundaries.
My husband is Bahamian so not only were we blending two families but two different cultures. We were still learning each other's family dynamics, and I had a hard time understanding them, so I found myself at odds while planning. To cut down on the drama, we came up with a rule that he would communicate negative feels to his family and I would talk to mine. We would be a united front even if we had to make compromises coming to our final decision. It worked so well, we kept it in our marriage for both births of our children! It saved us a lot of time and energy!
3.Hire a bomb photographer.
I know you're thinking this is totally self-serving of me, but honestly, it's going to be the only thing you have left from your day. I always tell my brides when they get into their first significant disagreement with their husband after their wedding, pull out their album to remind them of the happy times! The goal here is to have your great-great-grandchildren look at these photos one day. Think about it as an investment in your family's history. I have so many brides come to me after "going a different direction" because they hate their photos or important moments were missed. It's the one area of your wedding you want to make sure you have made a personal, and you can see yourself in that person's work.
4.Have a Beyonce moment (make it exclusive).
Facebook is going to be a complete snapshot of the human experience. However, I am a firm believer that not every moment of our lives should be shared with everyone. This is an intimate moment of two families becoming one. Why not just enjoy the moment with the people that are in the room? An unplugged wedding is when the bride and groom request their guests put their phones/iPad/Gopro/Christmas DSLR cameras away during their wedding. I'm down for the idea of having an unplugged wedding, however, if that takes it too far for you, why not just the ceremony?
When I walked down the aisle, I wasn't trying to see my husband through a sea of cell phones, I saw him. His eyes, his smile, my mom's smile, my mother-in-law's tears. It was a powerful moment and I am glad we did it OUR WAY.
I always ask myself what happened to all those iPhone photos after the wedding anyway? Do they just sit in the cloud? Like really, you hired a photographer and I promise you won't regret having an unplugged wedding. Wait, why not have an unplugged marriage too? See, I know my story is different. However, I have found social media to be unhealthy for my marriage in the beginning. So, I kept mine off completely. To me, marriage is too real for the fake land of Instagram. My husband doesn't have social media and I have it for my businesses. I just found keeping my private life private is best for my little family. It works for us and may not work for you! it really may not be that deep. But I suggest you have a conversation with your partner to see what works best for your relationship especially when you have kids.
5.Support black-owned businesses.
View More: https://unique2chicphotography.pass.us/swanhousefavsThis is your opportunity to keep your dollars in our community. I hate that we have this stigma in our community about the level of service black business have. It's simply not true. We are here. We are ready and we are luxury honey! I have seen a new wave of "woke" brides actively searching to hire all-black vendors and I'm all the way here for it. There is nothing like having a photographer that went to an HBCU or a DJ that was in the band. There are so many vendors to pick from in different styles and at each price point. I know if you take your time, you can find great ones that are within our community. Just know we love the support and will provide the same if not better quality of service as our counterparts!
6.Start marriage counseling and stay in it.
Planning a wedding can introduce a new level of stress into your relationship. Managing finances, family expectations, and personal time can all be a lot to handle. I see couples learning after the wedding that marriage isn't as easy as they thought. It requires a lot of hard work and commitment every single day. I personally found counseling helpful during the process of building our marriage once the honeymoon stage was over. I think of it as a tool to help fix things if we fall off track, which we do. It's funny because you think you really know a person otherwise you wouldn't be married to them.
However, life as a way of throwing you curveballs. I'm here to tell you, that you will face problems that you never thought would be an issue. For me, my unexpected life surprise was being diagnosed with thyroid cancer at 27 years old. I know when you see cancer, you think the worst but my situation was far from it. It did, however, take a toll on my mental health and my marriage. My husband and I didn't know how to navigate through that storm so we sought the help of a professional. Marriages have ups and downs and different seasons. It's OK to have an outside neutral party to help you through it.
7.On the 7th Day, God rested.
View More: https://unique2chicphotography.pass.us/swanhouseweddingThe planning is over, the wedding is done, now it's time to relax on a beach and enjoy the first days of your marriage together! I will honestly say not taking a honeymoon was my biggest mistake during my planning. We were getting married on an island so our reasoning was the wedding was a honeymoon -- NO, it wasn't. We spent so much time entertaining guests and we really didn't see each other that much, which is normal during a wedding weekend. We should have taken a few days to ourselves just to relax. The world is open now, it's affordable to get to Thailand or Aruba for a week. My husband and I always said we would take a "honeymoon" later, but five years and two kids later, I'm still waiting. Trust me, you won't regret the time, vacation days, or the money spent.
Featured image via Elizabeth Austin Photography.
Elizabeth Austin-Davis is a northern girl with a southern heart. While in Alabama pursuing her business undergraduate degree at Tuskegee University, she continued to follow her passion of photography. In 2013, she successfully launched her photography business. Since then, she has photographed weddings internationally, and her work has been featured in Brides, The Knot Magazine, Martha Stewart, HGTV, Black Bride Magazine, and many more. Her ability to artistically translate her couples love through images, has been a catalyst in developing her unique style.
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She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
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3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
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While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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With 37 beaches, charming French bakeries, and Dutch wine and cheese shops, the island is great for those craving variety. It also serves as a perfect base for exploring the neighboring islands of Saba, Anguilla, and St. Barths - all just a ferry ride away.
If you’re looking for a destination for an upcoming solo or girls’ trip that combines adventure, beachfront relaxation, and great dining, here’s why St. Maarten should be at the top of your list.
Sonesta Ocean Point Resort
Sonesta Ocean Point
Where To Stay
To get to St. Maarten, I booked a flight to Princess Juliana International Airport, which is on the Dutch side of the island. After landing, I checked into Sonesta Ocean Point Resort, an adults-only, all-inclusive property about 10 minutes from the airport. The property has 24-hour room service, four bars, and three restaurants. My favorite restaurant was the cliffside Azul, where some menu standouts included mushroom ravioli, grilled swordfish, and braised lamb shank.
If you want to party, you’ve come to the right place. The resort also offers poolside DJs, nightly live entertainers, and the largest casino on the island, Casino Royale. You can also spend some quiet time at the Serenity Spa getting a bamboo massage in the Japanese Zen garden or enjoying an Island Flow massage in the outdoor gazebo.
The hotel is also located on Maho Bay, just steps from the famous Maho Beach. Nicknamed “airport beach,” the beach is a popular place to snap pictures of the planes landing or departing just a few feet above you. If you want to know the best time to hit the beach, check out the Sunset Beach Bar, which has a chalkboard with a schedule of landings and departures.
Downtown St. Maarten
Credit: St. Maarten Tourism
What To Do
While you could easily spend your whole vacation at the resort, there’s so much to do in St. Maarten. One of the best ways to discover the island is by ATV through Xplore SXM, which offers daily rentals and the option of a tour guide. The rental office is just steps from the resort, and I opted for a guided tour of the island.
The island is only nine miles long and eight miles wide, and it takes just a few hours to drive around the entire island. There’s no border control (just a sign to mark each side of the island), and you can easily travel between the two sides. As part of my tour, I stopped by St. Martin’s Orient Bay, one of the island’s best beaches. I also spent the afternoon strolling through Phillipsburg, the Dutch capital, and browsing around The Amsterdam Cheese and Liquor Store, which offers gourmet cheese, wines, and even wooden clogs imported from the Netherlands.
Orient Beach
Credit: Mariette Williams
Another popular activity in St. Maarten includes ziplining. If you’re brave enough, book a trip to The Flying Dutchman, the steepest zipline in the world. The ride is over 2,800 ft long and includes a drop in elevation over 1,000 ft. At the top of the ride, you can see neighboring Saba, St. Barths, St. Eustatius, and Anguilla.
During my stay, I also booked a visit to the recently opened We Culture Museum in St. Maarten—one of the highlights of my stay. A visit to the 8,000-square-foot museum includes complimentary drinks and a history lesson on Carnival across the Caribbean. There were instruments and handmade costumes on display, and I tried on some of the Carnival wings and headpieces.
The We Culture Museum
Credit: Mariette Williams
Where To Eat
Of all the islands I’ve traveled to, St. Maarten/St. Martin has some of the most diverse food offerings. On my first night, I took a taxi to Bamboo House, an Asian restaurant overlooking the city. The restaurant offers a variety of dishes like braised duck nachos and a special West Indies Espresso Martini made with Venezuelan rum.
During my ATV tour, I stopped for breakfast at Chez Fernand, an authentic French bakery in St. Martin, where I practiced my French by ordering the pain au chocolat. I also ate eggplant lasagna at Irie Gardens, a local vegetarian restaurant in Phillipsburg. St. Martin also has a big Haitian population, and Villa Royale serves traditional Haitian dishes like djon djon rice, pikliz, and grilled conch.
St. Martin is also home to several beach clubs, perfect for day drinking and lounging in breezy cabanas. Rainbow Cafe has a laid-back, boho vibe, perfect for slow brunches, and Ocean’s 82 is a beachside French restaurant specializing in seafood like roasted sea scallops and lobster fettuccine.
Aerial view of Saba
Credit: Kai Wulf
Where To Island Hop
St. Maarten is one of the easiest places to island hop, and you can collect passport stamps in three nearby countries. Start with a trip to Saba, a Dutch island about a 90-minute ferry from St. Maarten that departs at 9 a.m. twice a week. You could also opt for a quick 15-minute flight and experience landing on the shortest commercial runway in the world. I opted for the plane ride and held my breath as we touched down the 1,300-foot-long runway.
If you’re just in Saba for the day, plan a hike to Mount Scenery. Guided hikes are offered through the Saba Conservation Foundation, and my hike was led by Crocodile James, an expert hiker and local Saban, who took my group on a 90-minute hike to the top of Mount Scenery, the highest point in the Kingdom of the Netherlands.
Mount Scenery Trail
Credit: Mariette Williams
Views of Saba from Mount Scenery
Credit: Mariette Williams
Mariette pictured taking in the views of Saba
Credit: Mariette Williams
After your hike, stop by Tropics Cafe for a refreshing lobster salad or curry coconut shrimp.
I also recommend a day trip to Anguilla. The daily ferry ride is about 25 minutes long, and rides start at 10:30 a.m. In Anguilla, the best beaches are Mead’s Bay and Shoal Bay, and my favorite restaurants on the island are SALT at the Four Seasons Anguilla, Straw Hat at Frangipani Resort, and 20 Knots at Zemi Beach House, which has tables right on the beach. Anguilla is made for beachgoing, but you can also go horseback riding on the beach or enjoy a rum tasting at Zemi Beach House’s Rhum Room, the island’s only rum bar.
St. Barths is another option for a day trip, and the 45-minute ferry from St. Maarten to St. Barths leaves three times a day starting at 7:15 a.m. The island has a reputation for being a hideaway for celebrities and socialites, and like St. Martin, it’s lined with swanky beach clubs and restaurants. Check out Nikki Beach or Ocean Club St. Barths and head to the island’s capital, Gustavia, to check out French boutiques like Louis Vuitton and Cartier.
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Featured image by Kai Wulf