My Husband & I Got Married 5 Days After He Proposed
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is JaLisa Jefferson's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I have went from girlfriend to fiancée to wife...in less than one week.
My husband, Cory, proposed to me on May 14th in a carefully planned, highly anticipated—yet unexpected—evening. As soon as I walked through the door, there he was, down on one knee, asking me to spend my life with him.
We dated for almost a year prior to the proposal, and we even planned to get engaged in the near future, but due to the pandemic, and everything being shut down, I figured there was no way he could accomplish a special engagement or even get a ring, so I never suspected anything. But Cory worked with my parents and brother to set up a beautiful proposal at our weekly family Bible study.
Five days later, we were married.
Cory and I actually met "before we met", completely in the digital age, via Instagram. We finally came face-to-face while out with mutual friends, Jessica and Quincy (@itsjessicaacy, @quincyacy).
Ironically, we realized we had conversations with each other on Instagram over the last few years, but didn't make the connection until after the fact. And since that day, we've been together for almost a year, happily and blissfully living out our flourishing lives.
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I grew up in a healthy, faith-based household, which I ultimately credit my success to. I was a focused youngster, didn't involve many in my world. My family is full of preachers and pastors, so we were often in the church, knowing and learning The Word. I was shy, somewhat quiet, and always desired to be married and have a family. However, I knew that processing was necessary; which included completing my education, reaching some personal and career goals, all while praying that God would send me the man He approved for my life. Several bumps in the road when it came to my dating life (I know we all can relate to that one), yet I waited on God.
After all, I always viewed marriage as an eternal and sacred commitment to God and to your spouse—a commitment to seek God and remain best friends forever.
So, I waited.
And then He brought Cory to me.
From the beginning of our relationship, we have taken pride in the fact that we over-communicate our thoughts, feelings and desires with one another. We are both Capricorns and natural planners, so as soon as we knew we wanted to do life together, we pretty much had all this planned out and agreed upon. And now that we have lived out our idea of a engagement and wedding, we have laid our trust and faith at each other's feet.
Even before the pandemic, neither one of us were interested in having a huge wedding. We wanted to keep it extremely small with our parents and then maybe later have a reception to celebrate with our friends and extended family. We initially planned to just go to the courthouse, however, it evolved to having some of our closest friends and family present via Zoom for the ceremony as well.
Our wedding was intimate and full of love. All we cared about was committing our love, relationship, and marriage to God in front of the people who loved us most. My pastor officiated the wedding and counseled us prior. I wouldn't call our engagement and wedding traditional or modern, honestly it was just what WE wanted it to be.
Of course, the people closest to us, meaning our parents and best friends who we speak with all of the time, already knew that this was how we wanted to marry, so none of them were shocked. Extended family and those of which we don't really talk to on a regular basis, were the most shocked. And social media. We were definitely questioned by some trying to figure out what the rush was.
And with me being a full-time influencer they just assumed in their head that I would have this big extravagant wedding. Clearly, they didn't really know me or my heart as it relates to marriage or weddings.
I actually asked Cory about his thoughts on the past few eventful days and he said:
"The engagement couldn't have been any more perfect. The in-laws really made it that much more special. I was just expecting a few balloons, but mom had a whole ceiling full of balloons with an archway setup with streamers, cupcakes and had a great playlist playing for the whole thing. The day of the ceremony wasn't any different. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting, but our friends and family went above and beyond anything I was thinking it would be. The day couldn't have went any better."
I couldn't agree more.
Courtesy of JaLisa Jefferson
My dress was stunning, my husband was dapper. Decorations were magical.
Case's "Happily Ever After" was blaring:
And you told me that you loved me
More than anything in your life
And I asked you would you do me
The honor of being my wife (yes I will)
We were so happily in love, wandering in euphoria and observing our joy radiate from person to person. The energy was so strong, so deep. Even with the ceremony being as intimate as it was.
Everything was perfect.
And now, it's time for us to live abundantly, ordained in the image of God.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33."
I say this to encourage any couples inspired by our story, or simply don't have the appetite to marry traditionally, to wed on their terms. Don't lose your vision. It's yours. And most of all, seek God.
Everyone's situation and relationship is totally different, so while I am elated that I was able to inspire people, ultimately, I just pray that I inspire you to get closer to God and seek what's best for you. Cory and I have prayed collectively, individually, and sought counsel from those who we know have our best interest at heart.
Which is most important.
We're so thankful for the outpouring of love and support in choosing to marry our way. It's so hard to explain how we even feel right now. It's a mixture of being elated, but also feeling like everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to—even greater than my dreams since I was a little girl. The entire process from engagement to wedding ceremony, with all of our closest people, just felt so natural. There was so much love and support around, it's hard to even put into words.
So, thank you for celebrating our union with us. Thank you for being just as happy for us as we are.
We're officially a couple of weeks in. With just a fruitful, dynamic, and loving lifetime to go.
To keep up with the Jeffersons' journey, visit their website. For more of JaLisa, follow her on Instagram: @jalisaevaughn.
Featured image courtesy of JaLisa Jefferson
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- I Met Him In An UberPOOL & Now We're Married! - xoNecole ... ›
- 6 Outdated Wedding Traditions You Might Want To Skip On Your Big Day - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images