It happens to the best of us, you leap at the opportunity to work at your dream company in your dream role and then suddenly you realize, you're in hell. Well maybe not exactly hell, but the work culture and your coworkers will surely make you feel like you're close to it. Or maybe you were like me, fresh out of college and you took an opportunity that had awesome benefits and even better pay, but the role itself was outside of your interests and passions.
I think it is safe to say that your career is not a one-stop shop and your dreams, similar to life, can change based on your experiences. Working a job that has transformed from a dream to a nightmare can seem daunting and may even feel like a stab at your mental health, but you don't have to remain stagnant.
Here are a few ways to help you wake up from your nightmare:
1.Create a Plan.
First things first, you will need to create a plan to prepare for your transition out of your nightmare. As a rule of thumb, you should always be updating your resume with your new responsibilities. When you're applying for jobs it can sometimes be hard to remember all of your responsibilities and major projects you worked on. At the very least, keep a document or email thread with your major contributions and achievements so you can reference them when it's time to update your resume. Next, it's time to start applying for new jobs, sis! Keep in mind company values and professional requirements as you begin to apply for jobs. You don't want to apply for new positions that will put you back in the same predicament.
2.Talk with Your Supervisor or Mentor.
We tend to forget that our supervisors should be an advocate for us. If there are concerns that can be remedied and create a better work environment for you, you should arrange a meeting with your manager. You may be surprised how willing your supervisor is to help you, whether it's creating a new position for you, escalating your concerns to find a solution, or being a listening ear. If speaking with your supervisor is not an option, seek out a mentor who may be able to give some guidance.
3.Talk to Your Human Resource Department.
Nevertheless, if you are still planning on quitting your job, you want to make sure that you have spoken with your HR department. Nothing will make this transition more horrifying than learning you owe your company thousands of dollars for breaking a contract. Also, quitting your job means losing your health insurance and benefits. Some employers provide coverage for a few weeks after your last day, and others terminate your benefits immediately. Before you lose access to your benefits, schedule your annual doctor appointments and get a 90-day supply of your prescriptions.
4.Take Care of Your Mental Health.
It's no secret that your environment and what you surround yourself with can affect your mental health and well-being. Don't lose your sense of self in the midst of your career. Having a therapist to talk with and organize your thoughts can bring some relief. Your therapist will not only be able to guide you through your journey, but it will also be able to provide tips on how not to become overwhelmed. Yoga and meditation are also great outlets to release tension built up in your body and disconnect from your thoughts. Additionally, self-help books can offer inspiration and motivation to take responsibility for your life and career. Reading, in general, can also be a stimulant for your mind and allow you to wander into a different world.
5.Find a Hobby.
We spend the majority of our day, and even more, the majority of our lives at work. If your 9-5 is a nightmare you need waking up from, try spending time doing something that makes you happy. As children, our lives are consumed with various hobbies and extracurricular activities that get us moving and our adrenaline pumping. Reconnect with your younger self and try joining an adult sports league or volunteering with a local non-profit organization. Having a hobby will give you something to look forward to after work and give you an outlet.
6.Don’t Compare Your Journey.
In the world of social media and the perfect lives that are projected on our phones, it can be a challenge to not compare your journey to others. People compare the journey of life to a marathon, but it's more similar to a triathlon with different courses that require you to adjust and maneuver around obstacles that can seemingly take your breath away and be an uphill challenge. During your transition, you must constantly remind yourself that this is only an obstacle in your journey and with determination, you will become a survivor!
In Michelle Obama's book Becoming, she mentions the overrated question a child is asked, "What do you want to be when you get older?" The former first lady reminds us that you can be many different things in a lifetime and your career is never a one-stop shop. Your dream job can and will shift but don't allow yourself to be stuck in a nightmare. The power of our lives is in our hands.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Entertaining Like Ayesha Curry: Expert Advice For Holidays Done Right
Be prepared to wow the crowd.
It’s officially the holiday season, which means parties and gatherings galore. Between Friendsgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve celebrations, many of us are preparing to host loved ones in our homes one or two times between now and the end of the year. No matter the occasion or season, hosting for family and friends is a labor of love. But we can also agree that entertaining can be overwhelming, especially for first-time hosts.
As a seasoned host and entertainer, Ayesha Curry knows something about creating a memorable event for loved ones. Whether preparing for an intimate dinner with your immediate family or hosting a larger crowd, your guests will think you are a pro this holiday season with her tips on everything from welcoming guests to setting a beautiful table.
Q: What is your top tip for hosting?
Ayesha Curry:Part of being a great host is spending time with your guests, which means you can’t be stuck in the kitchen. Prep is key! I usually serve wine with the meal, but a cocktail or mocktail is a great way to greet guests. I prep the garnish the night before and batch the drink just before guests arrive. When the party begins, I pull everything out of the fridge and am ready to serve.
Writer Note: If you would like to offer non-alcoholic beverages for your sober or sober-curious guests, I love Saint Viviana Cab. It maintains full-body cabernet and flavor; no one will ever guess it’s alcohol-free. You can easily create a signature mocktail using Bittermilk’s Smoked Honey Whiskey Sour mix.
Q: Do you suggest any prep for serving or cooking?
AC:I lay out all my serving dishes and utensils the night before with little post-it notes saying what goes where. That way, I’m not digging around for anything. For more elaborate menus, I lay out quarter sheet pans and label them with tape according to the dish. I prep and measure everything for each recipe and then load each sheet pan with everything needed to make the dish. I wrap each tray in saran or foil, stack them, and place them in the fridge. Pull out the sheet pan you need when cooking, and everything is ready. It’s something I learned at the restaurant that saves so much time.
Q: What’s one item that should always be on a dinner party menu?
AC: Bread or roll with butter is excellent for holding guests over if the kitchen is delayed.
Q: What’s one non-menu item you should always have on hand?
AC: For a non-menu item, wine!
Q: How do you decide on a theme or menu for a gathering?
AC: It all starts with the occasion and the guest list. If it’s a group that doesn’t know each other very well, I may get more elaborate with the theme to help break the ice. For a group of friends or family who don’t get to see each other very often, I usually keep it simple so the evening can be all about catching up. A great playlist, good wine, and a family-style menu are all you need.
Q: Should attendees be expected to bring a gift?
AC: If I’m hosting, I’m not expecting gifts. The gift is taking time to come over and enjoy a meal with me! But bringing something to enjoy at the gathering, like a bottle of wine, is always appreciated.
Q: What are three affordable gifts that guests can give a host?
AC:A bag of excellent coffee is a beautiful gift for a host. Sweet July’s House Blend Coffee is sourced from all-female co-ops, so it’s a gift I love to give to the women in my life. Whether it’s being served after dinner or just for the host to enjoy on their own, you can’t go wrong with a bag of high-end coffee.
Fresh flowers are great if you have a host who likes total control over the food and beverage menu. Go for something neutral in color that can work with any décor.
The Sweet July Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar set is my go-to host gift. Bottled in Napa, it’s a gift any foodie will appreciate - and use!
Q: What are some creative tablescape or decor ideas that you love?
AC: I like to keep my dinnerware neutral and classic (like this ceramic collection in nutmeg) and infuse color and texture through linens. For centerpieces, I want to use what I have in my yard. If it’s summer, it might be flowers or greenery, but interesting branches can also look architectural in tall, clear vases next to tapered candles in the colder months. There’s no need to spend a ton of money on flowers.
With Ayesha’s tips, you can create a holiday gathering that your family and friends will cherish forever.
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Featured image by Getty Images