Your First Job Won't Be Your Dream Job
What happens when you realize the reality of your first 9 to 5 falls short of your expectations?
This was the predicament I found myself in after six months of tweaking my resume and rewriting cover letters post-grad. I spent the greater part of undergrad working a part-time sales position, and after three years of working nights and weekends, the allure of a 9 to 5 held a high esteem in my head. Isn't this what being an adult was all about?
I'd gotten the degree and now the job, but months into the new role, the happiness hadn't clicked. I started to question my decisions. What do you do when you get what you asked for and it's not enough?
I knew I had two choices. I could either complain or dedicate that same energy to finding the silver lining. I went with option two and found ways to make the not-so-perfect job feel worth it. Here's what I did:
Find Passion Outside the Office
A common issue with entry-level jobs is feeling like the work doesn't align with your passions. Millenials are commonly termed the entitled generation and that's not completely false. When you spend four years working towards a degree, then enter a role that doesn't use the skills you cultivated, feeling underwhelmed is warranted. It's important to find ways to continue to harvest these skills. Use your free time after work to volunteer somewhere that needs your skills. You don't have to limit working in your passion to your day job.
Network, Network, Network
While a 5 to 9 is just as important as your 9 to 5, it's wise to take the time to get to know the people on your team. The work you're doing now many not seem like much but you can find an entirely new career path from a single conversation. Take a minute to learn the different roles your team members have and ask about everyone's professional background. Networking plays a big role when looking to get a foot in the door but it doesn't stop there. Keep that elevator pitch ready even while you're well into a role.
Seek More Responsibility
By getting to know your team, you start to narrow down what your next step should be. I took the time during my performance review to make it known that I could handle more work than what I was assigned. Word this carefully. You don't want to whine or sound like you're sitting at work twiddling your thumbs for hours. I expressed interest in a project a manager-level colleague was working on and asked to sit in on meetings to learn more. My boss loved my enthusiasm and gave me the green light. Use this time in your entry-level role to gain insight into as much of the business as possible.
Age Is Not A Limit
Being the youngest woman in an office can get annoying. You've become the dedicated tech problem solver and might have been called "sweetie" once or twice. There's nothing wrong with being young. I've learned not to take the exclamations at my age personally. You have the opportunity to be a sponge and absorb as much as you can. With that, you also have the freedom to leap in any direction you desire. Youth comes with ample opportunity and freedom, embrace it. If the only cost is being told you won't get the joke because it's "before your time," you're not doing too bad.
Your first job may not be everything you wished and that's okay. You have a chance to connect with professionals in your field during the work day and the freedom to explore other passions after 5 pm. Dedicate your energy to learning as much as you can and find more positive ways to spend your 9 to 5.
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Jovania Pierre is a proud alumna of Rutgers University. She spends her time alternating between lifting heavy weights and traveling for food. You can keep up with her online @jovaniamichele on all social and her blog www.jovaniamichelepierre.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images