Are You Self-Gaslighting? Here’s How To Stop

Are You Self-Gaslighting? Here’s How To Stop

When we think of gaslighting, we typically associate it with a person in our life whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, co-worker, or family member. But have you ever stopped to think whether you were gaslighting yourself? The definition of gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes the victim to question their thoughts, their reality, and even memories and events. It questions a person’s sanity and is viewed as emotional abuse.

Gaslighting can lead to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and other unhealthy habits. And while there are outside forces that can cause you to develop these insecurities and be in an abusive relationship, you can also unconsciously be in an abusive relationship with yourself. Here are some signs that you are self-gaslighting.

You Place the Blame on Yourself


Have you ever been in a situation that was out of your control and yet, you still blamed yourself? Better yet, have you ever blamed yourself or made excuses for someone else’s actions? This is a form of self-gaslighting because you are punishing yourself for someone else’s behavior.

You Don’t Trust Yourself 

Some people tend to overthink and second-guess everything, which means they don’t trust themselves or their judgment. If you don’t trust yourself, how can you trust others? Just like gaslighters can manipulate your reality and make you not trust yourself, you can also do that to yourself if you’re not careful.

You Don’t Allow Yourself to Have Feelings


Everyone has feelings and it’s okay to express them, especially if a person or a situation made you feel a certain way. As a self-gaslighter, you may ignore your feelings or discount them but you have every right to feel good or bad and share that out loud.

If you identify with any of these signs, don’t worry. Here’s how to combat that way of thinking.

One word: self-affirmation. It’s nothing fancy and it doesn’t sound like a lot of work, but it’s a lot harder than we think. Self-gaslighters have the tendency to invalidate their thinking and their feelings and to prevent yourself from going that route, you have to do the opposite and that is to affirm yourself.

So, whenever you start having those bouts with self-gaslighting, tell yourself that you are worthy and that your feelings and thinking are valid. No matter what anyone else says.

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.

Featured image by Getty Images

​Tour Interior Designer Annisa LiMara's Organic Modern Meets Midcentury Modern ATL Abode

In xoNecole's series Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.

Annisa LiMara has called this space her home for two years. Her Atlanta sanctuary, which she aimed to give the look and feel of something you'd see in the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, embodies her vision of "stunning, yet functional and cozy."

"My home is a reflection of my brand, The Creative Peach Studios, and I am the 'Creative Peach,'" Annisa explains. "It was so easy to reflect who I am and my personal story in my space. When you walk into my home, you know that it is Annisa’s home. I’m so proud of that. So grateful."

When It Comes To Relationships...Why Is Love NOT Enough?

Charge it to the fact that I am such a fan of music, but whenever I’m out shopping, I tend to pay attention to what stores are playing. And if there’s one song that seems to show up just about everywhere, it’s a light rock classic by Don Henley and Patty Smyth entitled “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough.” I promise, even if you don’t know it by the title, you’ve heard it yourself, at least a dozen times in your lifetime — and whether that kind of music is your “scene” or not, the reality is that the words are true.