Maybe it's the fact that I have gone back and forth with the decision for years since going natural, or maybe it is just the way Black women's ability to Black women gets taken to goddess levels the second they enter any space rocking the style, but locs and the Black women who wear them will forever have a place in my heart. Anything a Black woman does emits a healthy dose of undeniable magic, but locs to me just hit different.
By definition, dreadlocks, or locs, are a hairstyle where the hair falls in rope-like strands that are created on coarse and textured hair types through palm rolls, twists, or coils. Usually, they are created on Black hair through styling and refraining from combing through the hair or the locs that are created.
The style that originated in ancient Egypt became popularized by the late Bob Marley in the 1970s and has only risen in visibility in the mainstream throughout the years being worn by the likes of Whoopi Goldberg and even more recently, rappers like 2 Chainz and J. Cole and entertainers like sisters Chloe and Halle Bailey.
'Natural hair' seems to default to loose naturals, but people who wear locs should be included more in those conversations, which leads me to the creation of this piece. From traditional locs to freeform, there is no one way to wear locs and the wearer often has the ability to own the style in a way that feels unique to the individual.
Below, Black women with locs discuss the inspiration behind their locs, how they feel about their hair, and the overall expansiveness of their loc journeys.
Ray Al-Nahdy @westindieray
Courtesy of Ray Al-Nahdy
Loc Type: Traditional
Length of Time: A little over three years
How Many: 117 locs
"I started my locs sitting in my childhood room at my parents' house in 2019. I started with two-strand twists and no parts but a slight idea of how I would probably like to style them in the future. Each one of my locs looks very different and they vary a little in size but they’re all a little smaller than the width of a pencil.
"I knew I wanted to get locs at 14 when I had a coil hairstyle done for my brother’s wedding. I literally begged my mom to let me start locs but she said no because I used to change my hair all the time and she thought that I would miss doing that. I eventually started my locs after I helped my mom start hers. I’ve had relaxed hair before and have done big chops three different times in my life but when I started my locs I had been a loose natural for years so I had some length already. I’m actually the 9th woman in my family to start locs and it has been such a beautiful experience to share my journey with the people who I love the most.
"When I put my starter locs in I remember being very satisfied with myself when I looked in the mirror. Maybe it’s because I’ve watched so many loc journeys over the years so I knew what to expect, but I wasn’t worried about how they would turn out at all. I was really intentional when I started them and decided that I would enjoy the whole journey regardless of how thin or shrunken my little baby locs looked at the various stages of my journey.
"I think that maintaining them myself for the past three years has definitely helped me connect with my physical self more and become more confident in the fact that everything I need is within me."
"In the following months after I loc’d my hair I experienced crazy shrinkage so I definitely had an 'awkward' phase where it was a challenge to put it all up in a ponytail so I was a little limited in what styles I could do or that I felt comfortable doing. I actually really liked that phase because it allowed me to live out my 'bob' era but when in doubt I always kept a headwrap on deck for the times I would rather not deal with my hair.
"I really love my locs and the journey I’ve gone on since having them. I think that maintaining them myself for the past three years has definitely helped me connect with my physical self more and become more confident in the fact that everything I need is within me. I feel like I trust myself a lot more because I approached the experience with the goal of growing my intuition and strengthening my relationship with myself.
"Although locs are definitely a commitment, no condition is permanent and hair isn’t an exception to that rule. If you decide it’s not for you in the future, you’ll always have the option to regroup or start over. Just set your intentions, do what you are being guided to do, and try to enjoy and learn from each experience as much as possible."
For more of Ray, follow her on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram @westindieray.
Melissa Chanel @melissachanel
Courtesy of Melissa Chanel
Loc Type: Traditional
Length of Time: Two years
How Many: 54 locs
"My journey started during the pandemic. I wanted something low-maintenance because I was tired of having my hands in my hair all of the time. I started rocking mini twists to see if I liked the style and the rest is history. I started my journey in November 2020.
"I was so over doing my natural hair. I was tired of twisting, braiding, and not knowing if the style would last or even look good the next day. I loved my afro but just didn’t have time for the maintenance anymore. I did not [do the] big chop and [I] started my locs with two strand twist[s]. I was happy to not have to worry about styling my hair anymore! I also felt excited to be on a different journey and try something new with my hair.
"It was the best hair decision I could’ve made. I enjoy the versatility and how I can work out, go swimming, and do all the things without having to worry about my hair. I was in the salon at a very young age growing up, so my hair has always been one of my favorite accessories. I love expressing myself through different hairstyles and trends.
"I feel like natural hair is a journey. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing an afro or locs because it still comes with different stages of growth. When I was in the starter stage it was a little awkward and I couldn’t get over how fuzzy they were getting, but I learned to embrace it quickly. I overcame it by trying different hair accessories for my locs like headbands, loc charms, hats, etc.
"It’s hair. Try different styles, take chances especially if you’re looking for versatility (just look at Chloe and Halle) and ease with your hair! There are many techniques to remove locs if you don’t like them. It takes patience and they’re not for everyone."
For more of Melissa, follow her on Instagram @melissachanel.
Ebony Zaire @heylocsister
Courtesy of Ebony Zaire
Loc Type: Traditional
Length of Time: Two years
How Many: 68 locs
"I have what you would call ‘traditional’ locs. I started my locs with two-strand twists. When starting traditional locs you want to make sure you part them exactly how you’d want your locs to be laid out and you have to consider how thick or thin they will be based on the size of your parts. After binge-watching a ton of loc videos, I had a friend come over to part out and twist my hair for me while I worked (I work from home). My loc journey took off from there.
"I’ve always had a love for locs. My love for them really grew when I started maintaining a friend’s locs in college. I knew I wanted to loc my hair when I realized that I had gotten tired of keeping up with my loose natural hair. I got my hair relaxed when I was super young and kept getting relaxers up until 2015. I did my big chop six months after my last relaxer and I was natural ever since. I can honestly say I was not prepared for the amount of work that went into being natural. I was natural for about six years before starting my locs so my hair was already pretty long when I started them.
"Truthfully, I didn’t really like how I looked [in the beginning]. It took me a while to adjust to the way my locs looked on me. When I got my first retwist I had a really hard time liking it. It was a two-stand twist style that just didn’t lay right and my locs unraveled because they were still so new. I did twist-outs on my natural hair all the time but this time was different. There was definitely an awkward phase!
"I love my hair! It has taught me patience and the beauty of watching something grow and mature. I’ve learned to find beauty in mess."
"Though I started with long hair, the frizz was the hardest part to adjust to. It took me a while to get used to the fact that locs aren’t always meant to look neat and tidy. I had spent so much time trying to tame my loose natural hair that I thought the same things had to be applied to my locs. I overcame it by intentionally not styling or covering my hair, trying new hairstyles, and being patient with locs as they grew and matured. Now I LOVE my frizz.
"I think deciding to get locs was the best decision I made in 2021. I love my hair! It has taught me patience and the beauty of watching something grow and mature. I’ve learned to find beauty in mess. My hair has helped me to grow as a content creator. It has made me more confident in front of the camera too.
"My favorite thing about my locs is their personality. I love that each loc is different. It’s a beautiful journey and everyone embarks on it for their own reasons. You don’t have to be spiritual or super knowledgeable on locs to get them. I knew very little about locs before getting them and it certainly wasn’t a spiritual decision. I would say laziness low-key pushed me towards embarking on this journey and I don’t regret it one bit!"
For more of Ebony, follow her on Instagram @heylocsister.
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Featured image courtesy of Ray Al-Nahdy
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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