I'm single as a dollar bill, Pringle, and whatever other analogy you can come up with to describe being in an extreme romantic deficit. I've officially deleted all of my dating apps and text threads, and I'm the most single I've ever been. After years of using men as a bandaids over my emotional wounds, I've finally realized that they can't feel this God-sized hole in my heart and elevate me to my highest potential; only growth can. The deliciously delectable Ghanian Queen Sugar actor Kofi Siriboe agrees with me and says he's not in a rush to find "the one" before he finds himself.
Kofi recently slid through ESSENCE Fest to bless our lives with the news that he too is, indeed, still single, but to our dismay, he's not quite ready to mingle.
According to the 25-year-old actor, it'll be a while before this dark piece of chocolate is officially back on the market, but it's for good reason. After his relationship with melanated supermodel, Duckie Thot came to an end, he decided to refocus his attention and heal from the inside-out. He explained:
"I just realized that I still had voids that I was trying to fill and I still have self-love work to do."
Kofi explained that like most people, he sought validation from his partner rather than finding it within himself. You can't fill from an empty cup, and you can't expect to find happiness in someone else when you're not even happy with your damn self. Kofi continued:
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"Once I realized it, I started seeing it everywhere. We expect so much from each other. It's a cultural thing; this idea that your happiness depends on a person."
The idea that your partner should "complete you" is unrealistic and at times, dangerous. A relationship shouldn't be 50/50 because both partners should come to the table offering 100%. That's why Kofi is taking the time to make himself whole before he moves forward in another relationship:
"I'm not going to be in a relationship unless I'm really able to commit. Before I'm able to commit, I have to show myself that I can commit to myself and become the man I want to be. I say that on a mental level, a discipline level, a spiritual level, and a resource level."
Ladies, can we have a moment of silence and gratitude for the men in this world who will heal themselves before they try to love you? Because that's rare. None of us are perfect, but taking the time to explore our voids and see where there is room for growth makes us truly capable of being worthy partners.
"If I have a kid and a woman, I want to be able to take care of them. I want to give them the space to develop and unfold the way God intended."
Although Kofi says a wife and white picket fence is definitely in his future, his present is focused on becoming the absolute best version of himself.
"I'm doing me right now. I know I want kids. I know I want a woman. I want property, but there are things I need to do first."
To watch the full clip on ESSENCE, click here!
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
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Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
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Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images
