I'm single as a dollar bill, Pringle, and whatever other analogy you can come up with to describe being in an extreme romantic deficit. I've officially deleted all of my dating apps and text threads, and I'm the most single I've ever been. After years of using men as a bandaids over my emotional wounds, I've finally realized that they can't feel this God-sized hole in my heart and elevate me to my highest potential; only growth can. The deliciously delectable Ghanian Queen Sugar actor Kofi Siriboe agrees with me and says he's not in a rush to find "the one" before he finds himself.
Kofi recently slid through ESSENCE Fest to bless our lives with the news that he too is, indeed, still single, but to our dismay, he's not quite ready to mingle.
According to the 25-year-old actor, it'll be a while before this dark piece of chocolate is officially back on the market, but it's for good reason. After his relationship with melanated supermodel, Duckie Thot came to an end, he decided to refocus his attention and heal from the inside-out. He explained:
"I just realized that I still had voids that I was trying to fill and I still have self-love work to do."
Kofi explained that like most people, he sought validation from his partner rather than finding it within himself. You can't fill from an empty cup, and you can't expect to find happiness in someone else when you're not even happy with your damn self. Kofi continued:
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"Once I realized it, I started seeing it everywhere. We expect so much from each other. It's a cultural thing; this idea that your happiness depends on a person."
The idea that your partner should "complete you" is unrealistic and at times, dangerous. A relationship shouldn't be 50/50 because both partners should come to the table offering 100%. That's why Kofi is taking the time to make himself whole before he moves forward in another relationship:
"I'm not going to be in a relationship unless I'm really able to commit. Before I'm able to commit, I have to show myself that I can commit to myself and become the man I want to be. I say that on a mental level, a discipline level, a spiritual level, and a resource level."
Ladies, can we have a moment of silence and gratitude for the men in this world who will heal themselves before they try to love you? Because that's rare. None of us are perfect, but taking the time to explore our voids and see where there is room for growth makes us truly capable of being worthy partners.
"If I have a kid and a woman, I want to be able to take care of them. I want to give them the space to develop and unfold the way God intended."
Although Kofi says a wife and white picket fence is definitely in his future, his present is focused on becoming the absolute best version of himself.
"I'm doing me right now. I know I want kids. I know I want a woman. I want property, but there are things I need to do first."
To watch the full clip on ESSENCE, click here!
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com