Kofi Siriboe On Why He Declares Himself A Feminist At 23: “I Champion Women”
Your wisdom does not lie in your years but in the gravity of reaching your deepest self. Kofi Siriboe is the embodiment of this. At age 23, his achievements are enough to color a resume of a lifetime, but the humility that Kofi radiates would make you think this is just the first step of his journey. With a recent interview with Bleu Magazine, the actor, poet, and photographer opened up and revealed the morsels of gold that sit inside of his soul.
"I am [a feminist]. Period. I champion women, I value women, I respect women. Like imagine saying you're a feminist but in real life you disrespect women. I think being a feminist starts at home. It means you understand first, taking the time to get the knowledge. Put yourselves in situations to have these conversations. Once you get that knowledge, process it and figure out a way to be helpful."
Have you ever witnessed a Black man living his life as a love letter to women? Kofi considers himself a feminist through and through, and with a lot of grey area existing between the intersections of where feminism subjectively lies, the young artist reminds us of the nucleus of feminism through an extension of himself: the love of his mother.
To be grounded in feminism is to be rooted in the love for the women around you. Kofi's love permeates any rigid idea of feminism by the simple, yet profound, love for the woman who birthed him.
"It's just the simplicity of the fact that my mom is really awesome, we have a great relationship, and as I'm getting older, I'm learning more about her journey and her struggle. I mean really she wears the cape. I don't wear a cape, she does. I'm just honoring her, and honoring her through my existence…like who I am, what I represent. That to me is rooted in my character and my mother—I came out of her. That's an ode to her."
As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says, "We should all be feminists."
Everyone's implications of what constitutes themselves as a feminist may vary, but the root of it is where the truth grows. In the wake of an uproar of sexual misconduct cases and abuse of authority against women, it can seem as though "feminism" has become a reactive weapon rather than a revolutionary movement rooted in the desire for equality. With outside views trying to skew the solidarity of feminism, it's important we return to the core of the ideals - because small acts of love will always be revolutionary in the scope of war. To Kofi, that means starting in the local realms of your heart's vicinity.
"Value the people that you can value. Let it start with your mom, your sister, whoever is close to you and extending it from there. That way young people are able to say I'm a feminist–it's just about starting somewhere. That to me is being a feminist. I think it's about respect, understanding and taking action."
Black men loving women is an act of political warfare, in a country that disregards us and the magic inside of us.
In the loud truth of being a feminist, we can hear the echoes of women who have been waiting to be addressed, heard, and loved for years before our birth. It is liberating to hear the genesis of chains being broken that represent inner turmoil between Black men and women. It's about time we all become feminists and begin to uplift the women within arm's reach, to catalyze millions extensions of self, to be works celebrating the divine feminine.
Kofi's existence is a reminder that it isn't anywhere but the roots, the home, where feminism lies. Start with yourself and extend that love to others around you. Life will begin to taste a lot more like sugar.
Read the full Kofi Siriboe feature in Bleu Magazine.
Featured image via Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
- Mr. Siriboe (@kofisiriboe) | Twitter ›
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Olivia Jade is a writer and creative engineer, intersecting wellness, culture, womanism, and self-development. She waters the flowers in her mind so others can recognize their own internal garden. Link up: @akaoliviajade (Twitter and IG) oliviajade.co
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images