20 Sad Movies On Netflix Guaranteed To Open The Floodgates
Someone once told me that being happy was a choice. Like the English aphorism, "fake it until you make it" the idea of obtaining happiness can be as simple as imitating an optimistic mindset and achieving what you seek. Though this idea has been proven true and beneficial in many situations, it is not the solution for everything and rarely works 100 percent of the time. In fact, sometimes, the only way to be truly be happy, is to first embrace the sadness. Sometimes, giving yourself the permission to fall apart, break down, and cry it out, is all one needs to truly find happiness.
So, to assist you on your quest to contentment and relentless joy, I present to you 20 movies (and limited series) on Netflix that will give you the cathartic release you need. Whether you're looking for a happy cry, angry cry, or sad cry, xoNecole's got you covered with films guaranteed to open the floodgates.
Fatherhood (2021)
Based off the 2011 memoir, Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss and Love by Matthew Logelin, comes Netflix original film, Fatherhood. Fatherhood tells the story of Matthew Logelin (Kevin Hart), a new father, who struggles raising his daughter, Maddy, after the sudden death of his wife. In the comedy-drama film, watch as Logelin deals with "doubts, fears, and heartache" as he learns to navigate life and fatherhood after his devastating loss. In addition to Hart, the film stars DeWanda Wise, Alfre Woodard, Deborah Ayorinde, Melody Hurd and Anthony Carrigan.
Loving (2016)
In another biographical piece comes the story of the Lovings. Loving follows interracial couple, Mildred and Richard Loving, as they navigate being in love during the Jim Crow Era. Shortly after marrying in 1958, the Lovings are arrested for the crimes of living as husband and wife. In hopes to avoid jail, the Lovings agree to leave the state of Virginia never to return, again. Nevertheless, after growing tired of living in isolation, the Lovings return to the Virginia to challenge the anti-miscegenation laws, laws that reinforce racial segregation by prohibiting interracial marriage, in the Supreme Court and across the nation. The film stars Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga.
Get on Up (2014)
Starring the late Chadwick Boseman is 2014 biographical drama, Get on Up. Based on the life of singer James Brown, the film nonlinearly tells of Brown's journey from a childhood riddled with poverty and abandonment, to an adulthood of fame and stardom. Though, the film has comedic moments from time to time—the opening scene comes to mind—the heart of the film comes from moments of reflection, where Brown considers what has been sacrificed for the sake of his dream. Also starring Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Nelsan Ellise, Craig Robinson and Dan Akroyd, this is a film that will have you seeing legendary musician James Brown in another light.
When They See Us (2019)
When They See Us is a limited series by award-winning and critically acclaimed director Ava DuVernay, which focuses on a group a teenage boys, coined "The Central Park Five." After a brutal attack on a white woman in Central Park, five teens from Harlem become the targets of a racially influenced allegations when they are falsely accused of rape and violent assault. A biographical story, When They See Us shows the lives of Kevin Richardson, Raymond Santana, Antron McCray, Yusef Salaam, and Korey Wise as they face the racial profiling, discrimination, and inequality of the American justice system and media while on a heavily publicized trial.
13th (2016)
Exploring the "intersection of race, justice, and mass incarceration in the United States," is the 2016 documentary film, 13th. Reframing American History, director Ava DuVernay explores how the 13th Amendment, infamously known for freeing those enslaved, led to an epidemic of mass incarceration in the United States. In the 13th amendment, lawmakers created a loophole, which proclaims a form of slavery is acceptable in the legal form of criminal punishment.
Due to this loophole, America's prisoners make up 25 percent of the world's prisoners, despite the American population making up for five percent of the world population. In this heart-wrenching documentary, watch how DuVernay and experts, explore the shortcomings of America's justice system and politicians, while demanding the acknowledgement of racial injustice and the influence of racism in our criminal and legal systems.
American Son (2019)
When their son goes missing, an estranged couple reunite at a police station in hopes to find an answer. Based on the 2018-2019 Broadway play of the same name, American Son, discusses the social issues of discrimination and racial inequality in the legal system. Starring Kerry Washington, Steven Pasquale, Jeremy Jordan, and Eugene Lee, American Son shows the devastation and helplessness one faces when the system one should trust remains untrustworthy.
I Am Not Your Negro (2016)
Inspired by Remember This House, an unfinished manuscript that consists of a collection of letters and notes written by James Baldwin in the 1970s, I Am Not Your Negro explores the fate of a nation Baldwin believes is intertwined with that of a Black man. In James Baldwin's critique of American society, he states, "I can't be a pessimist, because I'm alive...so I'm forced to be an optimist. I am forced to believe we can survive, and we must survive. But the future of the Negro in this country, is precisely as bright or as dark as the future of the country. It is entirely up to the American people..."
Divided into four chapters, the social documentary focuses on the school integration era of the Civil Rights Movement, the depiction of the White gaze in film and its impact on society, social racial division, and the continuous exploitation of Blacks in America.
I Called Him Morgan (2016)
I Called Him Morgan is a documentary on the life and death of jazz trumpeter Lee Morgan. Created over the course of seven years, the documentary is told as Helen Morgan recounts the couple's life and Morgan's triumphant legacy, decades after she has been imprisoned for his murder. This enticing documentary beautifully, captivatingly, and unapologetically tells a story of what happens when an exasperated, possessive lover, an adulterous recovered musician, and a record breaking blizzard collide.
Miss Virginia (2019)
There is no doubt that systematic inequality creates barriers to jobs, healthcare, and education within the Black community. In Miss Virginia, the challenges facing Black America are brought to light when a struggling mother sacrifices everything to ensure her son is given a good education. Based on true a story, Virginia Walden places her son into a private school, as a last resort to losing him against drugs and violence of the street. When tuition proves unreasonable, she creates a movement to change the system that is destroying him and other minorities alike. In an impassioned performance, Emmy Winner Uzo Aduba is Virginia Walden Ford, a single mother who fought for the creation of a scholarship program for at-risk students and won.
Becoming (2020)
"Unplugged for the first time" is Michelle Obama in the 2020 documentary Becoming. Focusing on the former First Lady, Becoming is based on the bestselling and acclaimed memoir of the same name. The documentary highlights footage of Michelle Obama as she travels and works during her time as First Lady. Nevertheless, the film also chooses to focus on Michelle Obama's accomplishments before joining the White House. Returning to her children in South Side of Chicago, the documentary travels through Obama's days in school, her old law firm, early stages of marriage, parenthood, and even marriage counseling.
In this 90-minute film, Michelle Obama invites the audience to explore—with supervision—her accomplishment and life outside of her husband's legacy. After all "so little of who [she is] happened in those eight years, so much of who [she was] happened before."
Monster (2018)
"What do you see when you look at me? Boy? Artist? Outsider? Should one moment define my life?"
From 1999 book of the same name by Walter Dean Myers, Monster tells about the injustices young, Black men face at the hands of the court and legal system. Once an aspiring artist, Steve Harmon, a 17-year-old, and three others are labelled "monsters" as they stand trial for murder. Arguing to have only been involved in a robbery and not a murder, Harmon must convince the jury that he made the mistake of being look out, while discrediting the claims that he pulled the trigger.
Two Distant Strangers (2020)
It is fascinating, yet terrifying to think that you're most celebrated day, could also be your worst. In this Academy Award-winning live action short film, Two Distant Strangers meet and launch an examination of Black American deaths at the hands of the police. Carter experiences his best day and worst nightmare when he finds himself stuck in a Groundhog Day time loop. In a loop that inevitably ends in death, Carter tries to get home to his dog, after he is repeatedly confronted and harassed by white Officer Merk. In this clever, yet enraging short film, cast Joey Bada$$, Andrew Howard, and Zaria Simone, show the frustrations and helpless Black Americans feel while merely existing in America.
Giving Voice (2020)
From executive producers Viola Davis and John Legend, Giving Voice follows the annual August Wilson Monologue competition, and the high school participants who compete for the opportunity to perform on Broadway. Well-known for creating stories that were "epic in scope, tragic in circumstance, and yet still somehow hopeful," August Wilson leaves behind the legacy of "giving voice" to the voiceless Black community. Now, in hopes of honoring his legacy, young students and actors work alongside coaches and teachers as they speak up and out about their love for theatrical performances and Wilson's life-changing work.
Middle of Nowhere (2012)
Nine years ago, Ava DuVernay released her first acclaimed written and directed film, Middle of Nowhere. Winner of Best Director Award for 2021 Sundance Film Festival, Middle of Nowhere tells the story of nurse, and aspiring doctor, Ruby who devotes her time to visiting her imprisoned husband Derek. When she discovers the legitimacy of her husband imprisonment and deception, Ruby must decide whether to stay in the familiarity of living in the "middle of nowhere" or embrace the uncertainty of navigating the world alone.
In Our Mother's Garden (2021)
"Black women often aren't exposed to the idea that healing is possible."
In her debut film, In Our Mother's Gardens, Shantrelle P. Lewis creates a space for Black women and the lineages who helped shaped them. Celebrating the determination and resiliency of Black women and families, Lewis explores the idea of self-healing, self-importance, and self-care while analyzing the relationship between Black mothers and daughters. Throughout the film, various Black women account impactful stories that show feminist love and familial love, within the African-American community. Often explaining the central issues Black women face today, In Our Mother's Garden inspects the issues Black women face with imposter syndrome, ingrained indoctrinated servitude replacing self-care, and the generational trauma of racism and sexism.
Da 5 Bloods (2020)
For decades, the idea of joining the military has been sold to the American people as one's patriotic duty. From the World War to the Afghan War, the idea of joining the forces has been encouraged amongst all communities alike. Though, within the Black community, joining the armed forces is viewed with more trepidation than patriotism. This is mainly due to the Vietnam War where African-Americans risked their lives for a country—which at the time—openly showed they wouldn't do the same. In Spike Lee's Da 5 Bloods, he explores the imbalanced relationship between Black veterans and the country they fought for. Returning to Vietnam 50 years later, four Black vets attempt to find the body of their fallen brother and the gold they've buried as repayment for fighting "an immoral war."
Come Sunday (2018)
Based on the excommunication of Christian minister Carlton Pearson, is the drama Come Sunday. After the death of a relative, Reverend Pearson (Chiwetel Ejiofor) experiences a moment of introspection which causes him to question his faith. Unable to accept the idea that suffering people who haven't been saved will be damned to Hell, he concludes, that there isn't a Hell at all. After announcing this conclusion within his sermon, his trouble begins when his congregation demands his removal.
Let It Fall: Los Angeles 1982-1992
After the publicized death of George Floyd, the chairman of Black Lives Matter of Greater New York, Hawk Newsome, told an interviewer, "If this country doesn't give us what we want, then we will burn down this system and replace it." This warning came after years of civil protest, demands for change, and government inaction. As if history demands to repeat itself, this same cry for justice can be heard from decades before in the cities of Atlanta and, more recently, Los Angeles. In an in-depth examination of a clamorous time in the city of Los Angeles, Let It Fall: Los Angeles 1982-1992, details a decade of tension that leads to the culmination of citywide violence in 1992. After years of oppressive police aggression, failed justice for Black lives, and continuous neglect from government officials, citizens of Los Angeles show what happens to a city when its people decide to let it fall.
Whose Streets? (2017)
"We're trying to mourn, and you came here with 300 cop cars and riot gear and canine units. This is the same thing that pretty much got us here."
Whose Streets? is a documentary about the killing of Michael Brown and the Ferguson uprising of 2014. Told by activists and leaders, instead of news reporters and government officials, Whose Streets? follows the lives of the men and women who live and breathe the Black Lives Matter Movement. This documentary doesn't only focus on unrest ignited by Brown's killing and verdict, but it also focuses on understanding the people lived it. With a lens that seeks to understand the community, Whose Streets? focuses on the trauma and confusion created by those in Ferguson, Missouri when they officials have given them nowhere to turn. Directed by Sabaah Folayan and Damon Davis, Whose Streets? is a film definitely worth watching.
Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (2020)
Ma Rainey's Black Bottom is a biographical musical drama based on August Wilson's 1982 play of the same name. The story follows influential blues singer, Ma Rainey (Viola Davis), who has been recently contracted, by white producers, to record a record. During her recording session, she collides with an overconfident and overly ambitious trumpeter, Levee Green (Chadwick Boseman) who hopes to gain his own record deal, and the producers who only seem to be "interested in [her] voice." Played stunningly by Viola Davis and the late Chadwick Boseman, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom is a "celebration of three real-life Black artists and legends."
Honorable Mentions:
Fruitvale Station (2013)
Les Miserables (2012)
Tangerine (2015)
The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind (2019)
See You Yesterday (2019)
Irreplaceable You (2018)
I Will Follow (2010)
Little Boxes (2016)
Roxanne, Roxanne (2017)
Rodney King (2017)
Featured image by Getty Images
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Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
GiphyAbout five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
GiphySociety is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
GiphyThe reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
Giphy“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
GiphyOkay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
GiphyAs we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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