When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't
Although I know it's an insanely popular bit of advice, something that I'm not very big on—and you'll never hear me suggest someone do—is "follow your heart" (for the record, if you're a Bible reader, the good book is not super-fond of it either—Jeremiah 17:9-10).
By definition, your heart is where emotions are stored up. If you think that you should always make choices based on how you're feeling at any given point and time…let's just say you're gonna be in for quite a series of emotional roller coaster rides; ones that can cause e-motion sickness.
In a lot of ways, I feel the same way about trusting your gut, although I do think it's a lot more reliable than your heart is. Basically, your gut is your intuition and there is plenty of scientific evidence to support that it is something that can oftentimes be trusted.
Oftentimes. Not all of the time.
So, how can you know for sure when it's a good idea to go with your gut and when you should probably do anything but? Personally, I think the answer is found in knowing the difference between intuition (reliable) and presumption (not so reliable).
What Is Your Intuition, Anyway?
Someone once said, "Always trust your gut, it knows what your head hasn't figured out yet." The word I take issue with here is "always."
Yes, there are times when your intuition (gut instinct) is super on-point. That's because what a lot of reputable therapists and scientific research can agree on is it's usually based on three main things: your experiences, the lessons you've learned from them, and the physical responses/reactions you get as the result of both of those things. But did you catch that in order to trust your instincts, you need to have learned from your past experiences?
Take the butterflies you might feel about a new guy who has many of the same good and not-so-good characteristics of the three past exes who totally dogged you out. If you didn't take time to heal from your exes, you might think that dating this next dude is a good thing because your "gut" is telling you so, when really it's more about 1) you probably not being able to tell the difference between love and lust (check out "Why Falling in Love Gives You Butterflies") and 2) you're confusing your intuition with your patterns.
How can you know for sure which you're doing? Take out a piece of paper and jot down the past five times you've been in a particular situation. Then be honest with yourself about how you handled each situation and what the outcome was. If you got the same results, every time, yet you kept doing the same thing even if it didn't work in your favor, that's a pattern.
If it was truly your intuition in operation, you'd get a feeling alerting you to take a different approach because your pattern from the past has taught you that you should make a different set of decisions. Make sense?
Presumption—The Counterfeit of Intuition
When believing that you're operating from the place of your intuition, there is one more thing to keep in mind; something that I oftentimes see happen in marriages. What I mean by that is if there is a counterfeit that intuition has, it's presumption. It's boldly and arrogantly assuming that you know something to be true even without any truth, facts, or evidence.
Say that you're sick of your job, but you stay because it pays well and you've got a stack of bills and debt. One day, you come into work in a bad mood and your boss gives you a super-stressful assignment. In response, you decide to up and quit because you think she has it out for you because "your gut" is telling you so.
What truth, facts, and/or evidence do you have to back that up?
How much is your bad mood influencing your frame of mind?
Do you have a source of income to take care of matters before finding something new?
One of the main things to remember when it comes to your intuition is it's designed to look out for you. It sends alerts that are related to danger and destructive choices. It's a heads up telling you to actually slow down and tap into your logical side before making a decision. It's not a co-sign to do things based on emotions alone.
Basically, if you're about to do something, your mind quickly reminds you of the last time you did something similar and how it turned out for you and your body either feels extremely peaceful (good) or anxious (not-so-good), that's probably your intuition speaking.
Anything else is a pattern, presumption, emotions, or all of the above.
Your intuition is reliable. The others? Not so much.
Featured image by Getty Images
- The Scientific Reason You Should Trust Your Gut ›
- BBC - Future - Should you trust your gut feelings? ›
- 11 Signs Your Intuition Is On Point & You Need To Listen To It ›
- Can You Really “Trust Your Gut”? – Dr. Brady Salcido – Medium ›
- Why you should trust your gut in relationships | Well+Good ›
- 5 Gut Instincts You Shouldn't Ignore - Experience Life ›
- Here's When You Should Trust Your Gut - YouTube ›
- Should you trust your gut? | Psychology Today ›
- Yes, You Should Trust Your Gut (Here's How) - One Love Foundation ›
- When Should You Trust Your Gut? Here's What the Science Says ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy