

A good thing happened. After three years of blogging on my own platform, I was asked to become a contributing writer for this platform. I couldn't believe that my 'side hustle' was finally manifesting itself into a paid gig. And the best part: I'd be impacting even more women than I was on my own side of the Internet. It was a dream come true.
I had a few glasses of wine and a steak dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and the next night stepped out with my sorors, to celebrate. But shortly after, my excitement faded. Not because the opportunity wasn't amazing anymore, but because my mind started racing about what I could conquer next.
I had previously talked myself into believing that my credibility and worth as a writer was dictated by how many bylines I had. xoNecole was going to be the first, so I had to figure out what was next. If not, the next site I'd contribute to, then the next pitch I'd submit.
In doing so, however, I never gave myself the chance to enjoy this accomplishment. I was so concerned with rushing to my next goal, that I hadn't taken time to truly sit in the one I had just achieved. I was ready to hurry off to my next goal without having even put enough footing in this one.
That wasn't the first time this has happened to me. I've been known for allowing my excitement to push me right past the present and into the future. I do it with everything — jobs, relationships, my own self-discovery. I'd reach one milestone and immediately hurry off to the next. "I got a new job, now I must get a higher paying one." or "I'm in a relationship, now I must get engaged." And it went on.
I would get so consumed with crossing off items on my checklist, that I never fully embraced or enjoyed any current moment. Living like that put me in a perpetual state of doing. Not growing, not living – just doing.
What kind of life is it to constantly rush to the next that I can't enjoy the now?
I'm not the only person I know who operates (as change is a process) in this way; perhaps if I was, this piece wouldn't be necessary. So many of us commit ourselves to moving through our goals, that we rarely have time to celebrate the ones we've already achieved. We don't allow ourselves the time to bask in the greatness, or in the lessons, of our current place because we're in such a hurry to get to the next one.
Many of us rush – or worse, minimize – our accomplishments in pursuit of our next big moment. We get high off achieving things, despite never allowing ourselves a moment to enjoy those achievements. We do ourselves a true disservice by constantly chasing what's next.
What we have will never be good enough if we're constantly looking for what's better, what's new, or what's next.
If you never allow yourself time to settle in to what you have or what you've accomplished, you will never be satisfied. You will be so consumed by the constant pursuit, that you will miss everything that is already in front of you. You'll dismiss everything you've already accomplished and all the work you've already put in. This isn't to encourage you to stay stagnant or get comfortable, it is a suggestion to give yourself a moment to enjoy who you are, what you are, and where you are in every given moment.
Stillness is a necessary behavior for the pursuit, process, and preparation of all good things.
It's critical to stop running on the hamster wheel of "what's next" and to, instead, bury yourself in joy, gratitude, and thanksgiving for what's already been done. It's imperative that you take time to truly enjoy your 'right now' moments and honor yourself for them. Take time to learn the lessons they offer and the preparation they provide.
Good or bad, take time to find and celebrate pieces of yourself in the journey you're currently on (it's a marathon, not a sprint). And allow yourself time to relish in what is, before rushing off to what's next.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Ashley Versher is known for her work in the Tyler Perry's Beauty In Black series and more recently, she starred alongside Taraji P. Henson in the Netflix film Straw. But she is more than just her acting credits and stunning looks (her hair alone is everything). In an xoNecole exclusive, Ashley dishes on her first celebrity crush, how she spends her downtime, and her go-to haircare products because we need the deets.
Get to know Ashley below.
xoNecole: Where are you from?
Ashley Versher: San Francisco - BAY AREAAAAAA!!!!
xoN: What was your first major acting role?
AV: A 49ers Super Bowl commercial - I think I was 3.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: Have you ever had an embarrassing or funny audition story? If so, what happened?
AV: Yes! I was doing a self-tape once and I forgot to take off my bonnet. But the tape was so good I sent it in anyway.
xoN: Your hair is gorgeous. What has it been like navigating Hollywood with natural hair?
AV: Thank you so much! Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself. Once I fully embraced my natural hair and committed to the journey, everything else began to align. It’s been nothing short of empowering.
Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself.
xoN: What are your favorite go-to hair products?
AV: Ooooooo, right now I’m loving Camille Rose’s Jai Twisting Butter—it’s super moisturizing and gives me a fun, bouncy twist-out! I’ve also recently gotten into oils, and I’m especially loving sweet almond oil.
xoN: We know you as an actress, but what is another special talent you have that most people don't know about?
AV: I trained as a classical violinist for 13/14years.
xoN: Who is your hero?
AV: My mom. She’s incredible - full stop.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: How do you like to spend your down time?
AV: Ha! What’s that!? Jk jk, I love to travel, that’s honestly my favorite thing.
xoN: Who was your first celebrity crush?
AV: Prince.
xoN: What is your dream role?
AV: One day I will play a witch with Harry Potter-like powers!
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Feature image by Johnny Marlow