For Women Who Feel Like They Have To Constantly Chase What's Next
A good thing happened. After three years of blogging on my own platform, I was asked to become a contributing writer for this platform. I couldn't believe that my 'side hustle' was finally manifesting itself into a paid gig. And the best part: I'd be impacting even more women than I was on my own side of the Internet. It was a dream come true.
I had a few glasses of wine and a steak dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and the next night stepped out with my sorors, to celebrate. But shortly after, my excitement faded. Not because the opportunity wasn't amazing anymore, but because my mind started racing about what I could conquer next.
I had previously talked myself into believing that my credibility and worth as a writer was dictated by how many bylines I had. xoNecole was going to be the first, so I had to figure out what was next. If not, the next site I'd contribute to, then the next pitch I'd submit.
In doing so, however, I never gave myself the chance to enjoy this accomplishment. I was so concerned with rushing to my next goal, that I hadn't taken time to truly sit in the one I had just achieved. I was ready to hurry off to my next goal without having even put enough footing in this one.
That wasn't the first time this has happened to me. I've been known for allowing my excitement to push me right past the present and into the future. I do it with everything — jobs, relationships, my own self-discovery. I'd reach one milestone and immediately hurry off to the next. "I got a new job, now I must get a higher paying one." or "I'm in a relationship, now I must get engaged." And it went on.
I would get so consumed with crossing off items on my checklist, that I never fully embraced or enjoyed any current moment. Living like that put me in a perpetual state of doing. Not growing, not living – just doing.
What kind of life is it to constantly rush to the next that I can't enjoy the now?
I'm not the only person I know who operates (as change is a process) in this way; perhaps if I was, this piece wouldn't be necessary. So many of us commit ourselves to moving through our goals, that we rarely have time to celebrate the ones we've already achieved. We don't allow ourselves the time to bask in the greatness, or in the lessons, of our current place because we're in such a hurry to get to the next one.
Many of us rush – or worse, minimize – our accomplishments in pursuit of our next big moment. We get high off achieving things, despite never allowing ourselves a moment to enjoy those achievements. We do ourselves a true disservice by constantly chasing what's next.
What we have will never be good enough if we're constantly looking for what's better, what's new, or what's next.
If you never allow yourself time to settle in to what you have or what you've accomplished, you will never be satisfied. You will be so consumed by the constant pursuit, that you will miss everything that is already in front of you. You'll dismiss everything you've already accomplished and all the work you've already put in. This isn't to encourage you to stay stagnant or get comfortable, it is a suggestion to give yourself a moment to enjoy who you are, what you are, and where you are in every given moment.
Stillness is a necessary behavior for the pursuit, process, and preparation of all good things.
It's critical to stop running on the hamster wheel of "what's next" and to, instead, bury yourself in joy, gratitude, and thanksgiving for what's already been done. It's imperative that you take time to truly enjoy your 'right now' moments and honor yourself for them. Take time to learn the lessons they offer and the preparation they provide.
Good or bad, take time to find and celebrate pieces of yourself in the journey you're currently on (it's a marathon, not a sprint). And allow yourself time to relish in what is, before rushing off to what's next.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images